Saying goodbye

For someone who has moved as many times as I have in the last 10 years, I really suck at saying goodbye. I just absolutely hate it - because I know what happens. You want to stay in touch; you think you'll still be able to stay in touch. But then it doesn't happen. At first, you call each other every once in a while - then it becomes a Facebook message every few months - a text message on your birthday and then....

I try to stay in touch; I really do. And it works with some people - like my three best friends from Austria - but not everyone. And it's really not because I don't care or because they don't care; it's just hard.

I've gotten so used to seeing certain people on a daily basis but in a few days....

I really hate saying goodbye.

11 more days...

In 11 days, I'll be sitting on a plane on my way back to Austria. I can't believe it. I've been looking forward to this - I even, somewhat jokingly, started a countdown at the beginning of this semester. But now that it's almost here, it feels like time went by way too fast.

Yes, I'm ready to move on. I know I don't want to come back to this institution next year. BUT I know there are also things I'm going to miss. Some of my students and the student leaders I've gotten to work with this year and most of all my colleagues and friends. One of my friends from grad school lives here and we were both so excited about finally being in the same city; we wanted to do so many things together and it feels like we've only gotten do like a third of them. I've also gotten really close with some of my colleagues. I can't believe in just a few days, I won't be able to walk down the hall to say hi, have a fun little chat, or maybe steal/hide some pictures (yes, I'm the troublemaker in the office...hehe).

I'm still waiting to hear back from some of these schools that I had phone interviews with. Time's running out. There are new jobs that are being posted but I'm not sure how much sense it makes to apply. I mean, I'm going to be out of the country in just 11 days - and how feasible would it really be to fly back to the US just for an on-campus interview. And I know I definitely wouldn't be able to fly back during the month of May because of all my travel plans.

I don't regret deciding to go to all these weddings. For the past few years, I've always put my career first. I've missed countless big birthday parties, wedding anniversary and other important family get-togethers. And what did I get out of it? Not much. I mean, I'm doing alright with my career. There are a decent amount of colleagues that respect me and my work. I've made some connections, have gotten involved in professional organizations. But I've also moved a lot; I have said goodbye a lot - and yes, I sometimes get lonely and then I wish I was closer to my friends and I wouldn't have to miss out on every big moment in their lives. So this summer, I decided NOT to miss out on them for once. Knowing me and this career, I'll be changing jobs a few more times; but these friends are here to stay and I'm not going to miss one of the most important moments in their lives; I couldn't forgive myself for that.

So I'm getting ready to leave. There's so much that I need to take care of in these 11 days - pack, get a storage unit, figure out what to take home and what to leave here, get my hair done (I won't really have the time when I'm home), go to the doctor one more time for some shots for going to India and and and. I'm lacking motivation - as always. ;) I'd much rather hang out with friends, enjoy those last few days in the sun. I'm not going to lie - I'm a bit upset that after trying to move south for so many years, I've only stayed here for not even a full year. I love sun and warm weather. I also love snow and skiing, but I don't like having to go to work in the freezing cold. Oh well, you can't have everything. Maybe moving south was one of those things I just had to get out of my system and now I can move back up north and be happy there. Or maybe I'll be back some day. Who knows.

11 more days...

Exciting and scary!!!

The end is near...

The end of the semester is always full with "end of the year" this and "end of the year" that - last meetings, programs, banquets, celebrations.

Last night was our RHA Banquet - and it was the one time when I wished I wasn't leaving here at the end of the year. If there's anything I'm proud of this year, it's how far my RHA has come. We've had our ups and downs; there were times when I thought we'd never get to where I want them to be...but having over 30 people attend our End of the Year Banquet, seeing the Executive Board put together the program of the banquet, make certificates, give little speeches...IT WAS AMAZING!!!

I'm going to miss those students!!!!

What else is new? I was very calm about the job search over the weekend and today I've been freaking out again. It's just this restless feeling inside; I get jumpy when my phone rings and I have a hard time focusing on anything. *Sigh.

Other than that? I went to visit some of my old RAs this weekend (staff from the past two years). It was so good to see them. I was definitely spoiled with the quality of RAs I got to work with at my past institution. And it's just wonderful to see them moving on, making the most of their experiences and taking on new challenges. A couple have already graduated and gone on to grad school or law school or great first jobs. Many of them are graduating this year - bright futures ahead of them. I just hope we'll be able to continue staying in touch because my life would be empty without them. And I hope that my RHA members and some of my RAs from this year will be added to list of students that I keep in touch with long after we've all moved on. I've never been this eager for a year to be over but it's still never easy to say goodbye.

Phone Interviews and being on the other side of the table

I've had a few phone interviews over the last few weeks. There's the school whose department I really like but I'm not 100 percent sold on the job. Then, there's the school where the department sounds a bit like it's a mess but I know I'd love the job. Then, my dream job at what could very easily become my dream school in a fantastic location - but I'm just not so sure how my interview went; I didn't feel that great about it and some of the questions threw me off a little - and of course, there's the fact that I don't have any experience supervising full-time staff yet...but how am I supposed to get that if nobody's willing to give me a chance?
And then there's the job that would be fun, in a department I could definitely be happy in - but they're moving so slowly with their job search that I'm just not sure if I'll even get a chance to go to campus (if offered an on-campus) before I leave for Austria.

And you know, I really really dislike phone interviews. Maybe going through a placement would have been a better option, but a lot of the jobs I'm now applying for weren't even open back then. Hmmmm. It's just that phone interviews are so awkward. I hate not being able to see people's faces and getting some kind of reaction from them. Often times during phone interviews, I find myself rambling on because I just don't know if I've really answered their questions or what they think - so I keep adding little random things in an attempt to save the situation and probably end up making it a lot worse. Argh. If I never had to do a phone interview again, I wouldn't complain. Ha.

I've also spent quite a lot of time on the other side of the table. It's hard for me sometimes to answer the candidates' questions. I don't want to make the school look bad, but we all know that I haven't had the best experience here (I mean, I'm leaving after one year...and that's so not me). So do I tell the truth or do I make something up?

I'm especially intrigued by the interviews of what would be my future supervisor if I were to stay here. There's a lot of great things that these candidates have been saying. But I just can't help being skeptical. Yes, they may want to do all these things, but would they be able to? For example, they may want to support us in having balance, but does our current structure and the leadership's expectation really allow us to have that?

I'll definitely be curious to hear from my colleagues who are staying here what their experience will be like next year.

Just one month left....

Thanks for all the feedback and thoughts regarding my last entry. It's always good to hear what people are doing at other institutions and what other people's thoughts are.

I guess what I've started to think about more lately is where do you draw the line between expecting a team to work out things and developing strategies or back-up plans. I guess I usually more toward the we-are-a-team-and-we-will-figure-out-a-solution-together side. I don't like having all these procedures and plans laid out. There's value in working through situations together, in learning what it means to be a team member. But are we sometimes expecting too much from a team, especially a team of undergraduate students who may have a lot of other things on their plate?

It's like manuals and policy books. Do we write down every single thing - address every issue we can possibly think of, just to make sure that we're covering all bases OR do we write something a little more vague that can be interpreted based on the situation and forces students to use their common sense and logically think through the reasoning or "spirit" of the policy?

Like with everything in life, I think the best solution is a happy medium. I hate long-winded handbooks and manuals, but I also realize that students like the comfort of having things laid out in details. If we give them all the answer, they're missing out on a good educational moment. We can never address every situation - life just isn't black and white. But of course there need to be some guidelines and procedures we can look to for guidance.


Okay, new topic:

On the job search front, it's starting to look up a little. I have two phone interviews coming up soon. I'm still waiting to hear from another school, where I think I have a good shot at getting a phone interview. But there's only one month left. It's going to be tight.

I go through phases where I'm okay and then I suddenly am completely freaked out. Job searching is way too emotionally draining for me. Ha.

Work has also had its ups and downs. There are moments when I'm sitting around bored out of my mind; and then suddenly ten things need to be done at once and I'm stressed. My computer has been completely messed up and I wasn't able to use it from 9 am until 4 pm today; but then I got a lot accomplished between 4-6 pm today. It's like a roller coaster - no wonder I'm exhausted by the end of each day.

Well, friends, keep your fingers crossed for me that these last month will turn out alright and that things will start looking up on the job search front soon.

Food for Thought

Here's something to think about (or maybe discuss via comments...I'd love to hear your thoughts on this)...

What do you do when one of your RAs is sick and cannot be on duty that night and none of your other RA can cover the shift? You yourself are on-call for the campus and therefore can't even jump in and help out. (If you could, should you?) You've even called RAs on other staffs and no luck.

What do you do?
Do you randomly pick one RA and tell him/her, he/she needs to change his/her plans?
Do you call all of your RAs and tell them all of them have to pick up a few hours of the duty shift? How do you distribute those hours? Do you just assign them or let them pick? What if they can't come to a compromise? Do you tell the sick RA that in the end it is her responsibility to cover the duty shift or find someone to cover and force her to do the duty shift even though she's sick?

Should we have a back-up plan if an RA has an emergency and nobody can cover that duty shift? What would such a back-up plan look like? Is that even possible?

Lots to think about.

Bad Timing

I have days when I think everything will be okay - it has to work out in the end and something good will come of all of this; that next year I'll have a job I love (at least 75 percent of the time) and I'll look back at this period of my time and smile. And then I have days where I'm completely freaked out, scared of the future and all I want to do is curl up in bed and never get up again.

I thought I had a lead for a position, a pretty good one. But I applied late and while they're doing a continuous search (so I still have a shot), it may take a while until I get a phone interview (if I do) and then it'd take even longer until I get an on-campus interview. And I'm leaving this country in five weeks!!!! So it's highly questionable if I'll be able to interview before I'm leaving. And yes, there may still be chance that I can interview in June (after the two weddings I'm going to this summer...one in Austria, one in India), but that would mean flying from Austria to the US for an interview - that'd be at least $1,000. How am I going to afford that???

I need to book a flight to go home for the summer - every day I'm waiting, it'll just get more expensive. But I should book a roundtrip flight and I don't know when I need to come back... So I don't know what to do. I thought about booking a one-way flight; but then it'll be impossible to book a one-way flight back in the US (they don't let you book those if you're not a US Citizen or at least owner of a green card); and I can't book a roundtrip flight then because I won't know when I'll be going back home again. It's all so complicated!

But I did get an e-mail about a phone interview for a job today; so that was exciting. I'm not 100 percent convinced that this is the perfect job for me; but it's a job. I may just have to settle this year - within reason because I can't do another year like this one. If that happens, I'll be leaving Student Affairs in another year or two...and I don't want to get there. And who knows? This job may be more exciting than it sounds on paper. I'm going to give it my best try and see what happens.

I actually started looking up majors at the University of Vienna today. I just figured I should start thinking about a back-up plan in case I don't find a job in the US and will end up moving back to Austria. I just don't know what I would want to study...

I wish life was less complicated.