Bad Timing

I have days when I think everything will be okay - it has to work out in the end and something good will come of all of this; that next year I'll have a job I love (at least 75 percent of the time) and I'll look back at this period of my time and smile. And then I have days where I'm completely freaked out, scared of the future and all I want to do is curl up in bed and never get up again.

I thought I had a lead for a position, a pretty good one. But I applied late and while they're doing a continuous search (so I still have a shot), it may take a while until I get a phone interview (if I do) and then it'd take even longer until I get an on-campus interview. And I'm leaving this country in five weeks!!!! So it's highly questionable if I'll be able to interview before I'm leaving. And yes, there may still be chance that I can interview in June (after the two weddings I'm going to this summer...one in Austria, one in India), but that would mean flying from Austria to the US for an interview - that'd be at least $1,000. How am I going to afford that???

I need to book a flight to go home for the summer - every day I'm waiting, it'll just get more expensive. But I should book a roundtrip flight and I don't know when I need to come back... So I don't know what to do. I thought about booking a one-way flight; but then it'll be impossible to book a one-way flight back in the US (they don't let you book those if you're not a US Citizen or at least owner of a green card); and I can't book a roundtrip flight then because I won't know when I'll be going back home again. It's all so complicated!

But I did get an e-mail about a phone interview for a job today; so that was exciting. I'm not 100 percent convinced that this is the perfect job for me; but it's a job. I may just have to settle this year - within reason because I can't do another year like this one. If that happens, I'll be leaving Student Affairs in another year or two...and I don't want to get there. And who knows? This job may be more exciting than it sounds on paper. I'm going to give it my best try and see what happens.

I actually started looking up majors at the University of Vienna today. I just figured I should start thinking about a back-up plan in case I don't find a job in the US and will end up moving back to Austria. I just don't know what I would want to study...

I wish life was less complicated.