Relationships with RAs, Alcohol and more

I used to be the queen of having "questionably close" relationships with RAs; I would hang out with my RAs, we'd watch movies together, we'd go to concerts together, I could drop by their rooms at any time and stay there for hours just talking. I definitely don't have that problem anymore - but I miss that!!! Yes, sometimes those relationships caused problems, or at least made things more "complicated" - but it also always made this job more fun.

At first I thought, maybe it's because I'm getting older (If I think about how close I'm getting to 30, I'm about to have a midlife crisis...haha), so the age difference between my staff and me is getting bigger; but then today I had a few residents come over to my apartment - they needed to bake something for their First Year Experience class (I'm their instructor) and we don't have a stove in the building for students. So they were "working" in my apartment for a few hours and while I was doing work at the same time on my laptop, we also talked and joked around - and I felt like, I could be friends with these students no matter the age difference, or at least that close friend-like-but-with-boundaries relationship.

Which brings me back to the question why I'm unable to establish that relationship with my current staff? It may just be that RAs here don't expect to have that type of relationship with their supervisor. Or maybe it's because I am a pretty strict supervisor with high expectations of my staff and sometimes it's hard for students to seperate work from your personal life. What I loved about some of my staffs was that I could have that close relationship with them, have fun with them, and still have very high expectations of them - or sometimes it really felt that because of the relationship we had, I was able to push them further. Here I feel like I try to push my staff and challenge them and that hurts our personal relationships; which doesn't mean that I'll stop pushing them - oh no - it just means that we aren't able to have that close relationship I'd like to have.
Lately I've also gotten the feeling that it's because hanging out with the Hall Director means that there can't be any alcohol involved. Ugh, I really dislike alcohol for how many issues it causes. Let me explain: at our last staff meeting I asked if they wanted to do some sort of end of semester celebration (my thought: brownies, hanging out, maybe a movie in my apartment) as well as if they wanted to do something for the staff leaving at the end of the semester (my thought: card, poster, gift from the entire staff - I'll never forget when one of my best friends left to study abroad and we made a poster that was as tall as she was in the shape of a foot because she loves feet...and a video that featured all of us wishing her good luck and one of the RAs even singing a song he wrote for her... And we definitely weren't that staff who all loved each other; but when it came to stuff like that, we forgot about our differences and had fun together) - anyway, the response of my current staff was that they would rather do those things "on their own" and "without Residence Life supervision" meaning that there'll be alcohol involved. Sigh. If we could just live in a world without alcohol....

But like I said earlier, I just spend some quality time with a few of my students and had a great time. They were SOOOO cute! They felt super special about being allowed to be in the Hall Director's apartment. They talked about going to events at the Student Union, going to a movie later that evening - things you CAN talk about in front of your Hall Director - and it was clear that they weren't just putting up a show but that's what they do in their free time and that's what they enjoy doing.

I have no problem with students going out and drinking if they're over 21 - as long as they do it responsibly and as long as they are also able to have fun doing other things.

*Sigh.* I forgot what the point of this blog was supposed to be. I'm really ready for the semester to be over. I just need to get some energy back, need a "fresh start." I'm not too excited about the holidays because thanks to immigratino laws I'll be spending them on my own here in the US instead of going skiing with my family, but I'm ready for two a little more relaxed weeks and then the chance to start off new, review expectations, set new expecations, make some changes - and second semester will also include the Invisible Children Challenge, my second time hosting such an event and no matter how much it'll take over my life and stress me out, I know it'll all be worth it in the end.

PS: You should all check out Sara Bareilles' album Kaleidoscope Heart because it is absolutely AMAZING!!!
PPS: I also saw her live recently and she was awesome.
PPPS: I just realized that the title "Relationships with RAs" could totally be misinterpreted. Well, let me assure, I have absolutely no intention of dating any student staff members. Haha.