From undergrad to grad to professional

Interview days for our grad program are coming up and as always that's gotten me to start thinking about the transitions we go through - from undergrad to grad and then to being a professional staff member. And what can we, as supervisors, do to help our students make that transitions?

I sometimes see students start a graduate program and continue to live like an undergraduate. Their habits, what they do in their free time - nothing changes much.
I've also seen new professionals start that first job and do the same thing - continue to go out and socialize as they did as a grad student, possibly similar to what they did as an undergraduate.

But shouldn't there be a difference?

As an undergraduate, I was a student leader - but I still did "stupid" undergraduate things. You could often find me at the bar with my friends. I didn't drink - not really for any deep, meaningful reason; I just don't really like the taste - but I was there and quite often, you could find me dancing on the table or acting silly. Yes, I tried to be a role model and the few times I did drink, I made sure not to get drunk and act irresponsible - I also tried to look out for my friends when I was out with them and made sure nobody else ended up in the hospital or drove home drunk. And yes, many weekends I was also busy with student leader type things and was working late or catching up on homework; and I often had more fun just hanging out in the RA office than I did when we went out (a lot less drama and way more comfortable clothes...haha). But like I said, I was out there - doing the "college thing".
I was also an RA - and as an RA, I was close with many of my residents. Yes, there was a line but it was pretty blurry.

Then I became a graduate student. I don't think I ever consciously changed my behavior; I just became the overinvolved, super busy graduate student that didn't have time to go out and engage in that type of behavior. And I didn't really miss it.
I once again was close with many students and that line was still pretty blurry - especially considering how close I was with many of them.

And then my first few years as a professional - I struggled, trying to make friends but not willing to engage in certain behaviors and attend certain outings. And for the first time, I was really consciously making the choice not to attend some of these events. I'm not sure when I made that decision - but I just had this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach / I guess I just knew it wasn't a smart thing to do. And the few times I let my colleagues drag me out to the bars, something always happened to make me remember why I don't like to be there. Like a highly intoxicated underage resident stopping me on the street to ask me academic advising questions; and while I was trying to get the student to move on for now and come to my office the next day, I also had to worry about my colleagues giggling and clearly showing that they were just as intoxicated.
I also struggled with going out with graduate students. How can I sit there and get drunk with you and then tomorrow "supervise" you and write your evaluation? If it had been a question of going out to eat and having a beer or some sort of drink with the meal, that'd be one thing - but we all know in the American bar scene, the alcohol isn't part of the experience - it's the main focus of the experience.
However, choosing not to go out often made me feel isolated and I didn't develop close friendships with colleagues. And so I found my social outlet somewhere else - in my building, with my staff. Which of course let to a whole other set of questions regarding the line between my RAs and me and things became more than just blurry. I was fortunate though because I had some amazing RAs, who could handle hanging out and watching movies with me one night but still respect me as their supervisor and take good feedback the next day.

So what does it mean to be professional? There is no guidebook; there aren't any rules. Every professional would probably give you a different answer. But I think it's important that we think about these things - think about what "acting professionally" means to us and then make those decisions consciously and based on our values and believes, rather than just stumble through them.

And I think, as we work with our graduate students, we need to find ways to get them to think about these topics and figure out what it means for them to be a professional - or at least to start figuring it out (because I'm afraid it's one of those topics you'll have to keep thinking about throughout your entire career).