Learning to Fly -- Season 6

Thoughts

2011-09-03T17:15:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a while. Where have all these good "new academic year resolutions" gone of living healthier and having more balance? I'm taking dance classes on a regular basis, but while it's a lot of fun and I wouldn't give it up for the world, it's also adding a lot of stress to my life because it's time that I need to find in my schedule. Not surprising (but still a little disappointing), this semester has started off more stressful than ever.

It's also become harder and harder to write this blog because this whole "anonymous" things just isn't working. More and more people have "found" the blog and have figured out who writes it (granted, it's not that complicated to figure it out if you know me) and while I don't really care whether or not other peple read my blog (it's not like I write anything on here that I wouldn't tell them to their face...maybe in a bit of a nicer way though), it does make me question what to write and "how honest" I should be. I don't want to offend people; I don't want to negatively portray our department - I'm just trying to tell "my story" - but I guess it's not that easy.

I haven't really made up my mind yet and if I decide to stop posting, I'll let you all know.

For now, just a brief personal update: With the new academic year having started, the date when my visa will expire seems a lot closer. I still have a little less than 2 years left, but a green card application would have to be submitted at least one year prior to when my visa expires - so that gives me less than a year. All this immigration stuff is causing so much worrying and stress in my life; it's ridiculous! I try coming up with back-up plans (in case I don't get a green card) and I hate planning ahead for more than a year because I just don't know what will happen afterwards. I also can't help but feel stuck here. It's not about whether or not I like working here; it's just the feeling that if I wanted to pick up and leave, I couldn't.

But on a happier note: I am working with some awesome student leaders this year - from my RA staff to the Learning Community Leaders to the conference staff, RHA and other student organizations. Spending time with them has become one of the best parts of my week - other than dancing ;) - even though it's tough to find the time to do all that. I really need a time turner - like the one Hermione Granger had in the 3rd harry Potter book. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Getting ready

2011-08-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

Our RAs are coming back in one week; one week after that the RHA Executive Board will move in, three days after that my Learning Community Leaders will be there and then just two days later is First-Year Move-in and the next day, everyone else will be able to move back in.

The summer went by way too fast - as always. It's tough to believe that students will be back so soon. And yes, I still stand by what I said - I can't wait for them to get back. That doesn't mean though that I'd love to have a couple more weeks to get everything ready. ;) I'm just not ready; there's too much to do and not enough time. How does that always happen? We know students come back on a certain day and we have all summer to get ready - but then the last couple weeks are stressful and crazy. I tried to be better about it this year and did some things early, but there are so many things that I couldn't do yet because I was waiting for things from other people. Waiting to get the RA Training schedule, so I could start thinking about In-Area Times and figure out how to squeeze in my Learning Community Leaders training. Waiting for others to review things, so I could finish them. Waiting for my students to send me information, so I can plan more things for them. Waiting for our new Faculty Director to get here, so I can finalize lesson plans for my first-year student class and figure out details for our Learning Community Leaders course/experience.

Sometimes, when I let myself think about all the things I need to do this Fall, I get totally freaked out. I definitely feel like I've taken on too much and when I tried to get rid of a few things, that didn't go over so well and I'm still stuck with almost everything. The problem is that I don't think anyone realizes how much I actually have on my plate. I tried to figure out the hours that I'll be spending in meetings and one-on-one's this summer and I ended up with about 33-34 hours a week; that's just not feasible. Where will I find time to get any work done? Or be visible in the building (since that's supposedly one of our focus areas)?

But I need to stop talking about this or I'm going to get stressed out again. I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Yesterday, I spent quite a bit of time painting our office. Three walls of the outer office are now done; we just need to do the accent wall and door frames, etc. That shouldn't take too long. Painting has been kinda frustrating though. First it took a while to get the paint; then I couldn't get help to move furniture in the office and take down the bulletin boards. The walls looks horrible - but getting those wholes and scratches fixed was just not in the cards...so we painted over them. :) It doesn't look great but it looks better than before. And now, I'm almost out of light blue paint but I still have three walls in my office to do. I've asked for more but didn't get a response. Big surprise! Maybe I'll just go out and buy paint on my own. I know I shouldn't have to and it's slightly ridiculous, but I think it may be worth spending a couple bucks to save me from the stress and frustration of trying to get paint. And I want this office to be done before the RAs get here next weekend.

Today, I relaxed for a bit (shocker!), then spent some time making door tags for my RAs. I always have those "great" ideas for door tags that turn into way too complicated projects. Haha. This year, I bought them dry-erase boards (that's kind of a tradition for me) and am using foam to cut out their favorite animals and names - and all that gets glued to the dry-erase board. I also have 8 door tags to make for my Learning Community Leaders, plus 16+ door tags for conference chairs (for the regional conference we're hosting). I definitely won't get bored in the next few days.

Now I'm back in the office and will clean before moving some of the furniture back and trying to put up those bulletin boards again.

Good Luck to all the other ResLife staff members out there, who are going through trainnig and are getting ready for their RAs to return!

The things people tell me....

2011-08-03T01:47:00.000-04:00

...I am too impatient. Hmm, yeah, granted, that's probably true. But how can you be patient when you're passionate about a new idea or initiative and nothing is happening to make it come true? How can you be patient when all you're being told is that "we are not ready for that yet"? Okay, yes, maybe we are not but how will we ever get ready if we're not working to get ready? What's going to get better if we just sit around and do nothing? I'd rather have not enough patience - and get things done - than be too patient and never move forward.

...I need to work on having balance in my life. Yeah, easier said than done. So you tell me I should have balance in my life but at the same time you give me more stuff to do than what's feasible to get done in even an extra-long work week? Take this semester for example: I'm teaching a 3-credit learning community course, I'm co-teaching a 1-credit learning community class, I'm supervising a grad assistant (which used to be equal to having a committee assignment...we need to have two committees or taskforces total...but apparently that may be changing...who knows), I'm one of the RHA advisors, I'm the main advisor for the regional conference our RHA is hosting (which could really be a full-time job on its own), I'm doing all the work of the faculty-director of not just one but TWO learning communities right now (we have very MIA faculty for one of the communities I work and the second one is getting a visiting faculty member as the director for this year...just a one-year thing though...but that faculty member hasn't started yet and will need some time to learn about the community and her role; which doesn't give us time to plan things for Opening and the First Five Weeks...or doesn't help me when faculty members from other communities are contacting me now to ask about collaborations and ideas of what we're doing for our community or when grad assistants have questions about their job related to the learning community), I've started a new Learning Community Leader (LCL) program (the one I'm teaching the 3-credit course for) which means I will also have to find the time to meet with all my LCLs for one-on-one's, oh and then the Assessment Taskforce I was trying to quit...yeah, didn't work out so well and I guess I'm still going to have to help with various things for the taskforce. And yes, those all sound like AWESOME opportunities - and they are - but sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and sleep...and sometimes, just thinking about everything I need to get done makes me want to cry. I have no idea how I'll keep a semblance of sanity in my life this semester. And it's not for lack of trying on my part. I started taking ballroom dancing lessons again - I used to ballroom dance when I was in high school and I really miss it, but I never knew how to start again because I don't have a partner to dance with. Well, I figured, screw it - I'll just join a studio and dance on my own. And it's been awesome so far! 1) Because I'm getting away from campus and 2) because I've been dancing a bit with the dance instructors during private lessons and practice sessions - and it's freakin' amazing to dance with a partner who can actually dance. But while that helps me get away from campus, it also adds to my stress like tonight when I had to go back to the office at 11 pm because I hadn't gotten everything done before leaving for dance class. :(

...I suck at saying no. Yes, I do. But you know what, people suck at taking "no" for an answer. Because I will try to say no and then they'll talk me into still doing something. Couldn't they - knowing that I'm not good at saying no - be a little nicer on me and just stop bugging me after I said no once? Is that too much to ask for?

One of those days

2011-07-28T20:26:00.001-04:00

Today was just one of those days....

I woke up and felt exhausted (maybe I shouldn't have gone to sleep at all - I was a lot more awake on those days...haha...j/k).

I went over to our central office in hopes of catching one of our associate directors because I wanted to talk to him about an initiative I've been thinking about - that already got shot down once but I think there may be a way of resurrecting it or at least making it something we can work on next year during the year (one suggestion was to make a committee and the best way to kill any good idea at this institution is to form a committee because you know then nothing will ever happen; so I've been trying to think of a different approach I can suggest) - but he wasn't there anyway. I also wanted to talk to him about the assessment taskforce that I was co-chairing last year because I really don't want to do it anymore this year...for so many reasons. I like assessment (yes, I'm weird) but this taskforce was not what I thought it would be. But you were the co-chair, you may think, why didn't you change it. Ha...co-chair here just means secretary. ;)

Well, he wasn't there anyway - so much for that plan. I went to pick up the paint for my office. I decided to paint my office. The only problem: there are a ton of holes and cracks in the wall. I've asked to have maintenance stop by and plaster the holes and cracks weeks ago but never got a response. Ugh. That's so one of my pet peeves - if you can't do something or it'll take a long time, just tell me but don't ignore my e-mails/voicemails.

I got back to my office and tried to go online. Our University is rolling out a new security software. It prompted me to log in, which I did. Then it asked for me to download the new software - but of course I don't have administrative privileges on my office computer, so I couldn't. I called our Tech Support Office and of course didn't hear back all day. At least I could go on through a temporary access thing; so annoying though!!!

The next few hours were spent looking at the Hall Director Manual. Yeah, surprise, we may actually have a manual this year. Last year, we didn't get one. What did I do when I didn't know what to do, you ask...oh, let me tell you - I just made it up. There were so many things that we didn't really get trained on; and there's only so much you can cover in one-on-one's with your supervisor or so many questions you can ask...so eventually you just start to wing it. Good thing, I've been a Hall Director for a while and at least know how things were done at other schools.

But yeah, working on this manual isn't the most thrilling thing in the world - but then again, it has to get done.

Things just kept going downhill for the rest of the day. I made one more attempt to call about my walls being plastered - the answer was a "we're not sure" and when I asked if they could at least let me know whether or not it'll happen I got a "yes" that sounded more like a "no" (and I didn't hear anything for the rest of the day). How long do they think I'll wait until I start painting? This office needs more than one coat of paint and training starts on Monday, so I won't really have time after that. Ugh!

I spent some time looking up YouTube videos on how to plaster holes and then wandered around the building trying to find some supplies (they were painting in here earlier) but no luck. I guess I'll just have to paint over it all. It'll look like crap - but it can't look worse than it looks right now.

Oh and then to top it all of, I got an e-mail regarding the new faculty member moving into my building. Apparently they shampooed the carpets for her and are putting new furniture in the apartment and getting linens and all that stuff. Did anyone shampoo my carpet before I came here? If they did, you couldn't tell. The apartment was filthy - the office worse. I feel dirty just walking around the office and if I ever take off my shoes, my feet are black within minutes (no joke!). I was told when I moved in that I'd get new furniture in my apartment because it's pretty crappy - a few weeks later, I was told that the new furniture would be coming here in December - it's July now and I still don't have new furniture. I was sent to help a colleague pick out some new furniture a couple weeks ago but haven't heard anything since; so we'll see if that actually happens.

I'm just so tired of all this. I need my students back!!!

Oh and I totally forgot: We got our key envelope labels. So at the end of last year, I had my student workers prep labels for all my keys and the RAs then put the keys straight into those envelopes. I then double-checked the keys and since then they have been sitting in a drawer ready for Opening. Well, a week ago, we were told that we are centrally printing labels and that we need to use these new labels. What the...? Am I seriously supposed to put these new labels on new envelopes and then move all the keys from one envelope to another; or stick the labels over the old ones, which will look crappy but would probably be less work. As if I have nothing better to do?

You know, the main thing I've learned at this school is to never do anything early - because they'll change their mind ten times and then in the end you have to re-do everything again. But then when you wait, you'll have to do it last minute and be stressed - or sometimes nothing happens and than you have to come up with your own system anyway (and will be mad at yourself for waiting so long). So I guess what I truly learned is that no matter what you do, you'll always be screwed.

Can students be back now PLEASE??? I need them to keep me sane!!!

(And yes, you can remind me of that when my students start driving me crazy in the Fall. Haha.)

Sleepless Nights

2011-07-27T03:24:00.001-04:00

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I just can't sleep. I had this awesome routine going. I'd try to go to bed around 10 or 11 pm and would then get up at 6 am (and it wasn't even that hard - and that even though I have never been a morning person). I'd go running for an hour, get back and watch "Boy Meets World" while doing some stretches, crunches, etc., take a shower, watch "Saved by the Bell" while getting ready and eating breakfast and then I'd be at work by 9 am, if not earlier. And every day, I felt awake, energized and ready to go. Even on weekends when I didn't set an alarm, I would wake up early (maybe not 6 but around 7 or 8) and would have the whole day to do fun stuff. It was amazing!!!

But since Friday my schedule has been completely messed up and I don't know what happened. When I got off work on Friday, I felt a little tired but didn't want to take a nap because then I wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night. I powered through and suddenly found new energy and then I couldn't fall asleep anymore - not at all. Eventually I gave up trying to sleep and went to my office and seriously worked on stuff all night. At 6 am, I decided to go for a 1 1/2 hour run and even then coming back I wasn't too tired. After taking a shower, eating breakfast and reading for a little while, I curled up on the couch, turned on the TV and eventually dosed off. But after just three hours, I woke again and even though I felt a little tired, I wasn't as exhausted as I should have been. I was up all day, got a little tired in the early evening (but again too early to go to bed for good) and when it was time for bed, I once again couldn't fall asleep. So freakin' annoying!!! And this has continued since then.

Monday night I only slept for three hours. Tuesday I was tired and so, when I got off work, I decided to take a brief nap - especially since it was raining and I couldn't really do anything fun anyway; I'm also on duty this week, so my options of "doing something" are somewhat limited as I have to stay within the duty area. Well, the "brief" aspect of the nap didn't work out. I didn't wake up until 10:30 pm, which then of course let to me not being tired at all around midnight when I tried to go to bed. So once again, I gave up on sleeping and have spent the past few hours working on our Hall Director Manual. (Yes, I lead an exciting life, don't I!?!)

Now it's about 3:30 am and I'm still not tired. I think I'll just continue working on this manual for another hour or so and then go running. If I get tired, I may take a nap in the morning - and let's keep our fingers crossed that I wake up in time for work. Naps are dangerous! ;)

The thing is, I'm so much more productive in the middle of the night right now. I've gotten more done in the past few hours than I did all day. And I'm so much more comfortable than instead of being all dressed up, I'm chillin' in the office in sweat pants, a sports bra and a t-shirt. But still, it'd be nice if I could get back to a normal routine one of these days.

Things I miss...

2011-07-21T19:55:00.004-04:00

I often get the question: "What do you miss about Austria the most?" My typical answer is, "My friends and family and Austrian chocolate." But there are a few other things I miss - and here are two that I've been thinking about lately:

1) Well-marked hiking trails. On my recent hiking adventures, I've followed trails that suddenly ended; I didn't know where I was heading when several trails were marked with the same color; and without a map, I wasn't sure if I'd find the way back to my car.

But check out the picture. This is what signage in Austria looks like. The signs tell you where every trail leads, how long it will take you to get there. Biking trails are marked differently than hiking trails. Sometimes they have winter-hiking trails noted as well (those that are good for snow-shoeing and those type of things). So who needs a map? Everything you need to know is noted on the signs. And I love the feeling of accomplishment when you climb a peak and you get there faster than the time listed on the sign.

2) I miss swimming WITHOUT a lifeguard on duty and outside a tiny, roped-off area.
Recently, I've been trying to find a place where you can go swimming around here. Driving to the ocean is just a little too far from here. That's something I can do on the weekend but not after work.
I managed to find a state park that had a tiny little pond where you could go swimming - surprisingly even without a lifeguard on duty - but the pond was so tiny that the water was way too warm and it also wasn't very kind and looked kinda dirty. Not exactly the swimming I'm used to from growing up at the Lake of Constance (see picture).

Today, I found a lake where you can go swimming. It's a decent size, the water was somewhat refreshing (I guess nothing other than the ocean is going to be truly refreshing on these hot summer days), but of course there is a lifeguard on duty and swimming is only allowed in this tiny, roped-off area. It was way better than the little pond, but you still feel so limited and fenced in.

*Sigh*

Yes, those are some of the things I miss.

Working in the summer

2011-07-13T22:30:00.000-04:00

What does a Hall Director do in the summer? Well, a few of us - the lucky ones - have 10 or 11 month contracts and actually get time off after students leave. But for most of us, this is a 12-month gig. So what is it that we do once students are gone? Well, at first there's all the closing follow-up like paperwork, damage charges, etc. And then summer assignments start. For some of us that means being the hall director for the summer residence halls (after all, there are always some students who take summer classes and want to stay in the residence halls over the summer). A few others work in conference services - which means we rent out our residence halls for different conferences, camps, etc. And the rest of us get "special assignments" such as working on training for the Fall, revising manuals, working on various projects and whatever else our leadership comes up.

There are some things I like about working in the summer: I feel like I'm a "real" person in the summer, someone who a set number of hours. I leave the office at 5 (okay, occasionally, like today, at 7, but that's still a lot better than the usual 10 or 11), I come home and I don't do anything work related. It's like I'm getting this insight of what my life could be like if I had a 9-5 job. And you know what? I like it. I get up between 6 and 6:30 am every day (because I can go to bed early and get enough sleep), I go running, then I come home and do some stretches and finally take a shower. After a leisurely breakfast, I go down to the office, work on a few projects, go to some meetings. At noon, I come back to my apartment for a 1-hour lunch that I usually spend reading or - if I'm super ambitious - working out as well as grabbing something to eat. And then the afternoon is again filled with some projects and meetings and at 5 pm I leave the office, which leaves me with lots of time to do other things. Like Tuesday, when I went swimming for a couple hours. Or just grocery shopping, cooking and then relaxing in front of the TV (that was my Wednesday). And then the weekends!!! I actually get to do things on the weekends instead of either catching up on sleep or going to special events or doing all the things I couldn't get done during the week. Like last weekend, when I went hiking or next weekend when I'm going to visit friends.
Yeah, summer sounds pretty awesome, doesn't it?

Not so fast. There are a few things that I really really dislike about summer. Summer gets lonely. I spend a lot of time in my office, by myself. There are no student workers, no grad assistant, no RAs and students that will stop by. After a few hours of sitting in front of the computer, I just get bored - working on the same project for hours and hours.
And then there's the fact that I often don't agree with what our department does or how our leadership sees things. I try to change them, I come up with new ideas and initiatives - but that involves a lot of set-backs and is beyond frustrating! That happens all year long, but when it's during the year, I can go back to my building, to my little bubble with my students, and I remember why I do what I do and why it's all worth it. But in the summer, I don't have that. So I'm left with my frustration, left wondering why I even care...and sometimes I just don't know if it is all worth it. Maybe I should just stop caring so much - it's just a job, right? But I can't.
So yeah, because of that, summer isn't always all that great. As cheesy as it may sound, I miss my students!!!

My least favorite questions...

2011-07-09T18:29:00.000-04:00

Whenever I hear one of those questions, I cringe and feel the desire to either run away or throw something at the person who asked the question.

1) "Are you a US citizen now?" Usually the question comes with the underlying expectation that the answer will be yes. When I truthfully answer, "No", the typical follow-up question is "But why now? Don't you want to?" As if this was something that I can control. And whether I want to or not, I am now forced to give an explanation of the US immigration system, which will of course be interrupted by exclamations such as, "Really?" or "I don't believe it. There has to be some other way." Because let me tell you, the one thing Americans and Austrians have in common is that none of them understands the US immigration system.

2) "Do you have a boyfriend?" Whenever I get that question, the Gay Rights Activist in me wants to scream and say, "Why does it have to be a boyfriend?" but I know that most of the time that would end in a fruitless discussion. And besides, if my immediate family (my parents, my sister or my grandparents) ask me that questions, that's one thing - they know me and have a right to ask that question. But the random relative I see once every three years and who knows nothing about me other than that I live in the US - seriously none of their business!!!

And then the last annoying question: 3) So what does a Hall Director do? I guess we, who work in Student Affairs, all know this question. And the frustrating part - there isn't a brief answer. So do you waste the time trying to explain it to someone, who in the end probably still won't get it or do you just ignore the question and give a very brief, vague answer?

And I'm back - back in the US and at work that is

2011-07-07T01:38:00.001-04:00

It always takes me a while to get used to being back in the US and at work again. I got in Monday at 11 pm and then got right back to work on Tuesday morning. I still feel a little out of the loop, am still working on catching up with e-mails (I had 300 unread ones in my inbox when I checked it Tuesday morning) and English still sounds a little weird to me, but I'm back to thinking in English and have pretty much slipped back into my daily routine again.

I'm going to try to not let work suck me in completely and I want to live a little "healthier" this year. That means, not stressing that much over things I can't change (we'll see how successful I am at that) and trying to go running regularly or maybe attend some dance or exercise class. I also bought a bunch of healthy food Tuesday and felt very virtuous. ;)

I had a random idea the other day - related to this blog. It's so difficult to explain what a Hall Director does - even to friends who have been there from my first week as an RA to now or sometimes even student leaders interested in this field or your very own RAs - so every once in a while I'm going to write "A Day in the Life of..." post and just tell you what I did that day. Sound good? Well, we'll see how it turns out.

Back home [continued]

2011-07-03T04:11:00.001-04:00

Right afterwards, I got on a train to Graz. From Graz, I took the bus to Gratkorn, where my grandma (my dad's mom) lives. I spent two days with her, then it was time to get back on the bus, then back on a train and head to Liezen, where my grandpa lives. I saw more relatives in two days than I usually visit in a year and as soon as we were done with that, it was time to leave to get back home, do laundry (or to be honest, let my mom do my laundry...thank you, mom!!!) and then head to my friend's house for a week of hanging out with my three best friends from high school. We try to have these "reunions" as we call them every five year. Last year, we had to postpone it because it was just too busy of a summer with weddings and job searches and other plans. But this summer, we made it happen. At times, I didn't believe it would actually happen but somehow the plans - as vague as they were for the longest time - did work out and the four of us were in the same place for five days. We spent the week wandering around, swimming, a tiny bit of sightseeing (a castle nearby) and just hanging out and reconnecting. We stayed at my friend's apartment, just about ten minutes away from my parents' house, which - to be honest - felt a little .... weird. I guess I'm also just not the person for day-trips; I like to TRAVEL, really TRAVEL! My family used to go to a foreign country for three to six weeks and just travel around and explore. We rarely stayed in one place for more than two or three days. It's not that I don't like visiting my family and friends, but it just doesn't feel like a true vacation. When I was little, we used to go "on vacation" for a few weeks in another country (usually in our RV) and then we went to visit our grandparents - which was still fun and a lot more relaxing but not the vacation-part. Anyway, I digress....

After the week at my friend's place, I "moved" back to my parents. My parents are both teachers and unfortunately the school year doesn't end until the end of the first week in July here, so they are still working. However, they tried to take as much time off as posssible, so that we could go hiking and swimming in the lake - even if it was just for half the day and they had to work the other half. On Wednesday, we left again to visit my grandpa. Thursday was a holiday and they didn't have school, so we could spend the long weekend at my grandpa's and briefly see my uncle and my cousins. We got back Sunday evening and I spent one more week at home - going hiking and swimming whenever possible. I spend so much time in my job sitting inside or just running around on a college campus that it's nice to get out and really walk/run/swim. I made the most of that for the past few weeks. Last night, my sister had a dance performance and now my week at home is unfortunately coming to an end again and I'll be heading back to the US tomorrow. I can't believe my summer's already practially over.

I managed to pretty much stop thinking about work though for the past few weeks, which was awesome. I rarely checked my e-mail (which also wasn't that easy since I wasn't home that much and my grandparents don't have internet...or even a computer) and when I did check it, I only responded to the most important things. Even a workaholic like me could get used to a life without work. ;)

Back home

2011-06-15T05:50:00.000-04:00

First of all, hello to one of my most dedicated followers who has been complaining for the past few days about the lack of blog posts.

Second, hello everyone else! I apologize for not blogging in a while. My excuse? It's the summer and I've spent the past few weeks at home. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. First, I went to the NACURH Conference with students (for those of you, who are not ResLifers, NACURH stands for National Asociation for College and University Residence Halls, and is the largest student-run organization). We had to fly and drive to get there. On the way there, that wasn't an issue because we had plenty of time. On the way back, we had to leave right after the dance (at 10:30 am) to get to the airport on time for our early-morning flight. We flew back, got picked up; once back on campus, I returned to work for a few hours to finish up anything that needed to get done before leaving for my vacation. Once done with work, I went home, packed, cleaned, slept for two hours, got up again, took care of some more work things that had come up and then got on a bus to get to the airport and fly to Europe. Once in Europe, my dad picked me up. I spent the afternoon with my family. The next morning, we got up early, drove seven hours where my parents dropped my sister and me off at Rock am Ring, one of the biggest outdoor concerts/festivals in Germany. Coldplay was headlining, so of course I couldn't miss it. And their show was definitely worth all the stress!!! We got back on Sunday. On Monday, I got on a train to drive 8 hours to Vienna where I had an interview for my new entry visa the next morning. That interview was at 8:30 am on Tuesday. Right afterwards, ....

Wait, I gotta go. But I'll continue soon.....

Summer!

2011-05-17T21:31:00.000-04:00

We've been closed for over a week. It's been a little quieter but there still hasn't been too too much time to breathe. Or maybe it just feels like that because I'm overly tired. Haha. This weekend, I was going to do something - and then it was raining and I decided to just sleep on Saturday, pretty much all day. So you'd think on Sunday I'd wake up early - but oh no, even though I went to bed at midnight Saturday, I didn't wake up until 1 pm on Sunday. I guess my body just really needed some rest.

Closing stuff is done. My office still needs to be cleaned but we'll get to that eventually. My keys are all nicely sorted into envelopes and are ready for the Fall. I'm lucky this year because my residence hall won't be used over the summer, which means I don't have to deal with turning over keys to conference services and then getting them back and having to sort through all that again. That would not be fun!

We've had quite a few day-long or half-day conferences/institutes/meetings. That's made time go by quite quickly. Today, I had to present a workshop - it went alright even though it could have gone so much better...but considering the circumstances.... It was just a mess! The theme and description had been decided before I was asked to present - then various presenters kept being added, which just increased the confusion and mess - and in the end, I was the one putting everything together yesterday. But hey, I guess I learned my lesson - I have to be a lot more careful what I volunteer for around here. Or maybe I should just stop volunteering. Wow, I'm seriously frustrated right now, huh? Haha. It's seriously time for me to get out of here. Some days, stupid things like presentation or departmental drama just kill my spirit and then I wish I could just quit everything.

Dear me, those past few entries have been pretty dark. I guess it's just the closing blues....

So let's focus on some of the good things that happened recently. Before we closed I had some great conversations these students. You know those random moments when you are procrastinating from Closing Tasks and they need a study break....
I'm going to lunch with one of my future residents on Thursday. That'll be fun. How nice is it when students actually want to see you even over the summer? ;)

I've also started working out again. I realized that I'm in the worst shape ever...I went running the other day and after 15 minutes I almost collapsed. Not okay. So now I'm on this ridiculous going-running-twice-a-day trip (in the morning and at night). I've made it for three days so far. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm thinking about cutting back to once-a-day working out; that seems a bit more reasonable, right?

I'm also trying this new not-eating-ice-cream-every-day diet. Yup, ice cream is my weakness but I want to cut down to once or twice a week. And let me tell you - that's not an easy thing for me. Maybe that's the reason for my recent grumpiness...LoL.

Anyway, it's time to get back to watching Dancing With The Stars - The Result Show. I'm rooting for Chelsea and Mark, in case you're wondering. How could I not? I love Disney and Chelsea's a Disney Star - and then there's Mark, who comes up with the most amazing and creative choreographies. I think Derek Hough's dance style would match mine more, but Mark would definitely be a partner who'd challenge me more to step outside my box. Okay, I've seriously spent too much time thinking about this.

Take care!

Not a good night!

2011-05-07T02:14:00.000-04:00

It's Friday night. We close Sunday at 7 pm and let me tell you, Sunday can't get here quickly enough.

Closing started off pretty quietly, a continuous flow of check-outs with some peak times that led to lines outside our office but nothing too bad. As I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty much done with all the paperwork, so I just need them to move out, so I can add the last few paragraphs about closing to my transition report, complete the damage and missing keys documents and then I'm really done.

I got my summer assignments today and it really shouldn't be a very stressful summer. I have a feeling I'm actually going to have quite a lot of time on my hands, which may get me into trouble ecause I tend to start new projects during that time. Or maybe I can just be smart and plan things for the Fall, so next Fall won't be as crazy. We'll see....

So all in all, I was in a pretty good mood. And then tonight happened. We have Saturday exams here and let's be honest, having an exam on Saturday simply SUCKS. There's no better way of saying it. Half of your friends have already moved out, almost everyone else is out celebrating - and here you are, stuck in the building studying as if your life depended on it (because a lot of those exams tomorrow aren't in the easiest classes). If I was one of those students, I'm sure I'd be in a pretty bad mood right now. But if all that wasn't bad enough, now you have to deal with inconsiderate other residents who are loud, playing music, yelling in the hallway, throwing parties in their room with way too many people in much too small of a space....

No wonder the duty phone has been ringing quite frequently tonight and the callers have sounded pretty frustrated. And so I've spent my evening running up and down stairs, documenting incidents, calling the police once because I smelled marihuana, unpropping exit doors and doing late check-outs.

And I'm just SOOOOO tired. I want to end the year on a good note - because in spite of everything it's been a good year and I've had a great group of residents - but it's the stupid little things like everything that happened tonight that just build up and at this point of the year I'm just ready to be done with it all. I usually have quite a lot of patience (when it comes to working with students; I have absolutely no patience when I want to see something change in our department...haha), but at this point of the semester students should really be on their best behavior because it's not the time to mess with me. ;)

Closing

2011-05-04T03:02:00.001-04:00

Five more days and we close. :)

New RAs will often comment on how "creepy" it is to be in such a big building by yourself, but honestly, I LOVE IT!!! It's not that I don't love my residents. Just tonight I was leaving the office at 10 pm and ran into two students who were sitting in the Lobby. I stopped to talk for a while and ended up staying until 11 pm. I know there are quite a few residents that I will miss terribly this summer. But let's be honest, it will also be absolutely wonderful to have the building to myself! I can't wait for the quiet, being able to come and go at any time and knowing that I won't run into someone who may need something and stop me with a question. Never having to worry that maybe you yourself are being too loud and breaking quiet hours. Knowing that you can't get called randomly to respond to an incident. Ahhh, I can't wait! ;)

So far, this week has been pretty much the typical closing week. I'm usually pretty good at keeping up with paperwork - for example the majority of my transition report has been written for a while - so closing doesn't tend to be that busy and I actually spend quite a lot of time in the office working on random things that really aren't that important. One of the things on my to-do list (I need something to keep me focused or I'll just start daydreaming) is looking through my files on my computer and organize those better. When things like that are on your to-do list, you have to be pretty bored. ;) Haha.

Don't get me wrong - there are things I could do. I want to revise the syllabus for one of our first-year courses for one of my learning communities. I also am in the process of writing a syllabus for a learning community leaders class. I could probably start thinking about things I can prepare for the Fall. But there's just nothing pressing, which is kinda nice and then also kinda strange and unnerving. Nevertheless I manage to stay in the office until 10 pm - what is wrong with me? But then again, that's normal for me - especially around this time of the year. You always just feel like you should be around, even though there really isn't that much to do but it's closing and closing is supposed to be a big deal, right?

Getting close to the end...

2011-04-27T04:32:00.000-04:00

There's only three more days of classes left, then finals, then closing and then we're DONE. The end is so close...but yet still so far away. Closing meetings are happening right now; I need to make closing bulletin boards that will go up on the floors - there are end of the semester celebrations for staff and students and all the closing tasks.

My office has turned into a storage room lately. It started with the Invisible Children Challenge, more specifically the books for the bookdrive. I finally got the boxes, so I can start packing those up and mail them to Better World Books. But yes, right now there are 500 books sitting in my office. In front of that are the boxes with t-shirts. We have this tradition here that each Spring each Area Council makes t-shirts for the area. Fortunately, they started handing those out today, so those boxes should be disappearing soon. And then there are the Finals Snacks - leftovers from our April program that had low attendance due to the freezing cold weather. So yeah, it's kind of hard to walk in my office right now and I feel embarassed whenever someone comes by for a meeting. I finally at least cleaned off my desk today - I was avoiding doing RA Evaluations, which means I now need to do those tomorrow morning. I was also going to get some kind of gift / token of appreciation for our Global Council members. Their end of the year celebration is tonight at 10 pm in my apartment and I don't have snacks nor gifts and I barely managed to get around to cleaning my place, so there's enough space for everyone to sit and a somewhat clean carpets. On a side note, carpet floors are seriously a pain to clean. I mean, maybe I just have a crappy vaccuum but neither mine nor the one from the RA office can really get the hair and other little things out of the carpet. One day, when I'll have my own place, I won't nice wooden floors - and yes, I'll maybe put a rug on it but I won't have the entire floor carpeted.

Anyway, .... What was I talking about?

It's been a long semester - in some ways - and in others it's flown by and hasn't been long enough. I feel like I haven't had the chance to take a breath since January. It's also been quite the challenging semester. I'm used to doing things on my own, "me against the world" style, but somehow this semester it really got to me and I started feeling pretty lonely. It just felt like I was always fighting alone. The Invisible Children Challenge went alright, but the whole time I felt like I was just struggling myself to keep above water. I longingely remembered last time when two of my RAs stepped up and helped out, even though they weren't even required to help with the program - they had my back and I knew I didn't have to do it alone. This time, it felt like whenever things weren't going the way I wanted them to, I was in it alone without even someone to vent to. Last year, Service Splash caused quite a lot of drama but I knew I could rely on my best friend and fellow co-worker to be there in it with me and when I was ready to freak out, he was there to make sure things were taken care of or to help me just talk through and figure out things.

I think that's been the toughest thing this year - not having someone to talk to. I vented a couple times to a friend, who is not in Student Affairs; but I feel like she started getting annoyed and questioning if this was the right job for me and at times I felt like she was trying to convince me to change my career. But that's just stupid; I mean, yes, there are days when I get frustrated and I need to vent / there are days when I'm just exhausted and draines, but seriously, I couldn't see myself doing anything else and there are more days I love love love my job than days when I'm frustrated. And even when I'm frustrated, I still - in the end - love my job. I just sometimes need to get some of that frustration out and I think she got a bit more of that than she could handle because she was the only one around. To make a long story short, I stopped venting to her. But there also isn't anyone I talk to regularly enough on the phone that I could use them as my support system. And writing e-mails? It's just not the same. And so I've just kind of been dealing with all myself and it's made me feel pretty damn lonely.

I also think this Spring it really hit me what it means to live so far away from your family. I always thought that if something happened and my family needed help - or I needed them - I would be able to be there. I thought by now I'd have all the immigration issues figured out. Instead, I'm still living in this weird state of not knowing what will happen after my visa expires - not being able to go home whenever I want - not knowing what to do. I love my job and I've created a life for me here; I don't want to give that up. But I may not have a choice.

The other day I was thinnking that I'd love to be a regional advisor for our region of NACURH (the National Association of College and University Residence Halls). But that's a three-year commitment. I don't know if I have three years left here.

I want to plan things for my future, but I'm not sure I have a future here. I always feel like everything is just so temporary... And I think that's sometimes why I close myself off from everyone; I mean what's the point when I know that in the end I may have to leave anyway.

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe in a few weeks the world will look a little brighter again. Less than two weeks left....

Students First

2011-04-21T01:28:00.000-04:00

In every student leadership position, we tell our students, "you are a student first" and "academics come first." But what doe sthat really mean?

I think many of us (supervisors, administrators) mean that we will support your studies and try to be flexible to work around those. We'll talk with you about your academics and help you figure out a plan to manage your time or refer you to appropriate resoruces. If you have a very stressful week and you ask for an extension on a deadline, we'll try to grant it (if possible) or we may even jump in and help with something (e.g. I usually cover one or two duty nights during Finals Week because I know that's a busy time for my staff).

But I think "being students first" means something different to some of our students. I sometimes get the impression that they expect that the excuse "I need to study" will get them out of any job duty. And I'm sorry but I just don't think that's realistic. Yes, you are a student first, but you also signed up for that job and having a job means that you need to get the job done. Will I try to be flexible? Of course! Am I willing to help out once in a while? Sure. But in the end, the job needs to get done and maybe being a student first means that if you can't manage both, you need to give up the job or leadership role.

April is being...well, April

2011-04-21T01:11:00.000-04:00

It's 1 am and I'm still in the office. Yup, my life is pathetic. But it was just one of those days. It started off with a "thrilling" session of state mandated sexual harassment training - oh those "fun" things we get to do our first year. I really think ResLife should be exempt from some of those trainings - I mean, we had to do a diversity one that was basically a simplified version of what we train our RAs on. But hey, it's state mandated, so what can you do...

The day continued with a "lovely" but oh-so-pointless meeting with one of my learning community partners, who is leaving by the end of the year - so why are we still meeting to talk about things that we both know we'll never agree on. Today's topic was our learning communities lounge. Our students ahve been arguing about whether it's a quiet study lounge or a lounge for socializing. They asked me to make a decision. I told them I wouldn't but we could have a meeting to talk about it. Yeah, it would have been easier to just send out an e-mail and say, "This is the rule" but let's be honest, how developmental would that be? And the truth is, there is no rule. The lounge "used" be more of a social space. We do a decent number of programs in there. But when there aren't programs, I really don't have a preference what the lounge is used for - that's up to the students, so they need to come up with a decision.
The underlying tension is that there's one learning community that used to have the lounge to itself for the past few years. This year, they have to share with another learning community, one that's a lot smaller. I've been fighting the students' sense of entitlement - and honestly, it actually hasn't been too difficult and many of them have agreed that they should be sharing that lounge - but some of our learning community partners are worse than the students when it comes to their sense of entitlement. So once today the response I got was that I should be telling those other learning community students that this isn't a quiet study lounge and that they can't change the purpose of the lounge. Sigh.

After that, I had several student meetings, back to back. "Fortunately" I got stood up by two students, who had a conduct meeting with me (who also told me last week that they would do "anything" if I just dropped the case...hmmm, not showing up to your meeting isn't exactly doing "anything") - but that at least gave me the time to get ready for my evening of meetings. That evening started with a get-together with the staff for next year, which was really fun. We only got through about half of my agenda, but they had some good questions and we had a good conversation. That was followed by a student organization meeting and then the "epic" lounge meeting - where only representatives from one side showed up, so it was a pretty basic discussion. But it was still 10:30 pm by the time I made it back to the office, which was really the first time during the day I had to read and respond to e-mails, get some things organized and attempt to figure out how I will make it through tomorrow (particularly tomorrow from 7:30-8 pm because I'm supposed to be at three places at once for that half hour).

But hey, we're more than half-way through April and May...well, May will be a different story. ;)

Policy Enforcement

2011-04-10T04:48:00.000-04:00

Students' logic amazes me sometimes. If I find you passed out in a lounge, you don't respond when I try to wake you and the next day you don't remember what happened, how can you tell me that you are okay and it wasn't a big deal? What it someone else had found you? What if nobody had found you? What if you had passed out somewhere else?

I've had quite a few meetings with students regarding policy violations lately and of course, the common response is, "I didn't know." My grad suggested starting off next year with all the bulletin boards having information about policies and possible consequences, but I don't really like that idea - it'd create such a negative atmosphere right from the start - as if we were out to get students. There has to be a better way to educate residents about policies. And let's be honest - the students, who come to those meetings because they have violated policies, are rarely the ones that read our bulletin boards or attend floor meetings. And I think it's a good lesson for a student to learn - not knowing the policy doesn't let you get away with things. In the "real world," you can't kill someone and then say, "Oh sorry, didn't realize it was against the law." Okay, extreme example, but you get my point....

In the end, I think the best we can do is make the information available to students, remind them occasionally through e-mails or a bulletin board (one, not all) about certain policies, and create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable coming to you with questions. And then we need to make sure our staff knows the policies and enforces them consistently, so that - if a student violates a policy - we can at least have that educational conversation (and yes, there will most likely be some consequences).

But yeah, staff knowing those policies!?! - that can be a tough one in itself. I've had a few situations this year where my own RAs violated policy and then used the "Oh-I-didn't-know" excuse. YOU ARE AN RA!!! I realize students don't read our policies, but I would expect that you did...or at least paid attention when we talked about the main ones during training and/or staff meetings.

And let's not even talk about consistent enforcement....

But hey, only four more weeks left. It'll be a busy four weeks and I'm sure our policy enforcement skills will be put to the test, but in the end we'll make it through and hopefully we, as well as our students, will learn something from this whole experience.

Welcome to April!

2011-04-03T20:21:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid, I used to love April. My birthday is in April. The weather is usually getting a little bit better and it's getting warmer - you can feel the excitement and energy of Spring in April. In Austria, the Easter Holidays are usually in April, which meant a week + of vacation, traveling and quality time with my family. April was simply AWESOME!!!

But these days, April is NOT my favorite month. By April, I'm usually just ready for the semester to be over. All those little issues with your staff that have been annoying you all year long suddenly are very tough to handle. Everything that didn't work out the way you wanted to that year is building up and you're just ready for a fresh start with a new group of students, a new group of staff members and new energy and enthusiasm. The staff is also tired and stressed, busy with getting ready for finals and planning last events for their student organizations. Students have set routines and are stressed as well and therefore unlikely to come to events and programs. April is the month of banquets (which sounds fun but after a while is just a lot of extra time); April is the month of weekends where you have to work; April is the month where you are so close to the end of the acadmeic year but there's still so much left to do.

If the rest of the month will be similar to April 1, it's going to be a tough month. I came back from ACPA Wednesday, March 30th, in the evening and went straight to the office and then a student organization meeting. Thursday, March 31, I tried to catch up on work but wasn't very successful as I was constantly being interrupted. In the evening, I was supposed to pick up a friend/the headliner for our Invisible Children Benefit Concert on April 1 - the drive was about an hour. I was going to leave around 9 pm, but then things happened and I ended up talking to a student and finally it was ridiculously late. It was also snowing like crazy outside; I could barely see where I was driving. And I didn't get there until about midnight and that's when April 1, a day that could give me nightmares, started. I didn't get back home until about 2 am, then still needed to take care of a few things for work and then finally crashed. I woke up early to get to the office, started off with some important phone calls and then settled down to do the things that should have been done the day before. Meetings with students in between, trying to catch up on the most important e-mails (at one point, my inbox was at 150 e-mails...yikes!!!) and the day was flying by. I still had to create sign-sheets and other materials for the concert, figure out what I was going to say and which videos to show and and and. But every time I settled down to do that, a student stopped by or my phone rang. Then, at 4 pm, as I'm finally trying to put the last finishing touches on my concert prep, I get a phone call about a roommate conflict in an area I'm covering (because the Hall Director is out of town). So I met with the two students, trying to figure out what had been happening in this roommate conflict that has been going on for weeks and that another staff member had been dealing with. Finally I thought I had a solution for the weekend, so I sent the students on their way. One of them was still super upset, so I gave her my cell so she could call in case of an emergency this weekend. I know, not a smart choice, but I didn't know what else to do and needed to get her to stop crying so I could get off the phone and focus on all the other things I needed to do.

At 7:15 pm, I was throwing the last things in the bag I was taking with me and was about to head up to my apartment to get our headliner and drive over to the concert venue - when, of course, my phone rang. It was the father of the students involved in the roommate conflict and there were new issues. I told my Assistant Hall Director to get the musicans over to the venue and start setting up and then I ran out the door to deal with this situation. About 20 minutes later, everything was settled and I ran over to the venue myself. While running I called several people to catch them up on the situation. I showed up at the venue, breathless, exhausted and stressed. We set up and got ready. At first things seemed to be working out. But then the tech guys were having issues getting the sound for the videos to work. They also didn't know much about the soundboard they were supposed to be working with, which frustrated our musicians. To make a long story short, we started not the 15-minutes late that I had planned in (to allow for people to get there) but 35-minutes late. And because the computer couldn't play sound, I couldn't even play some music while people were sitting there waiting. I was so frustrated. We also didn't have the turnout I was hoping for. We had about 50 people; not bad but just not what I was hoping for and in a venue set up for 180 people, it looked a bit miserable. And I mean, my last Invisible Children Challenge, I had over 100 people at the event and that was at a smaller school. But we had more teams back then and more excited staff members working on the event. I don't think I did a good job at getting our staff involved and excited this year. I struggled with recruiting teams and then we just didn't get a chance to advertise as much for the event than I did last time around. It's also harder here to advertise because regulations about what you can do on campus are strict - so no poster-trees or Africa-shaped banners. :( We had also planned on tabling outside the Student Union the last two days before the concert but then the weather messed with those plans. Sigh. Oh well, next year, we'll be back - bigger and better! :) Some of my students, who were there, told me that they really enjoyed the event - which I guess is what's most important. And now we've done it here once and we know what some of the problems are that we need to work around next time. But yes, April 1 was definitely not my day. Let's hope the rest of the month goes better (even though I'm not feeling too confident right now).

B'More in Baltimore

2011-03-28T01:40:00.000-04:00

How can you challenge yourself to "be more" when you don't even know how to "be"?

My grandmother passed away Tuesday and I don't know how to get through this. I wish I could be home with my family - trying to support them and having their support, being with people who get it. Instead I'm stuck here. I can't leave the country on such short notice because of immigration stuff (well, I could leave...but then I wouldn't be able to get back into the country for several weeks if not a month).

I struggle being around people. It's exhausting to keep it together, to act normal, to smile. I hear myself talking but it's not me. I hear myself laughing but it feels hollow. Everything can trigger me these days - someone asking how I'm doing, a speaker mentioning the word "family", someone talking about "mentors" and the people who have helped us get where we are today.

I know some people think I don't care about my family because I've put an entire ocean between us. But if there's one thing I've learned this past week is that it's easy to be away from your family when you know they're doing alright and when you know you can see them again some time. But when you know you'll never get to hug your grandma again, never get to sit in the kitchen and chat with her while she's cooking or doing the dishes (and insists that you really don't need to help), never have her tell you again how amazing you are....

I wanted to go home this winter break but I couldn't - because of immigration stuff. I hated it, but I figured, if I work winter break, at least I'll be able to take some more time off in the summer and then be home for a little longer. I never thought it'd be too late.

I always told myself that I'd figure out this visa stuff soon and then I'd be able to go home whenever I needed to, that I'd be able to be there for my family when they needed me. But I failed.

Sometimes I wonder - if I could go back, would I do this again? Would I choose to leave my family and get invested in a profession that doesn't really exist in my home country - therefore making it impossible to do what I want to do and be close to home? If I'd never known what Student Affairs was, I couldn't have fallen in love with it....

We talk about globalization and giving our students a more international experience. But what we don't tell them is that if they leave their country and find a job somewhere else, they will spend a lifetime struggling with immigration issues - they will never truly fit into the country they've moved to because they'll always be the immigrant, the foreigner - but they also won't fit into their old world anymore because they will have changed too much - so in the end, they'll be alone and misunderstood wherever they go. And when it really counts - when you need your family and they need you - you'll be stuck far away in a foreign country all by yourself....

Thoughts on a quiet night of duty

2011-03-20T01:08:00.000-04:00

I may have jinxed myself by writing that title. But then again, people told me on Thursday that I was jinxing myself when everyone insisted that this weekend would be bad (the first "warmer" weekend and students are back from Spring Break) and I insisted that it wouldn't be. I replied that it's not jinxing myself, it's positive thinking. If I believe enough that everything will be fine this weekend than it will be, right? So far it's been working. Thursday and Friday were surprisingly quiet weekend night and tonight, Saturday, I've only had two calls with questions so far - nothing I had to actually respond to. So let's keep our fingers crossed that it will stay quiet.

It's after Spring Break, which means the "endspurt" of the year has begun. After Spring Break, the semester always just seems to rush by. There is so much going on that you barely get a chance to breathe.

I've been really struggling with balancing my time lately. I think I do a pretty good job at completing all my job responsibilities plus working on one big project. But when I have several projects, it gets a little overwhelming. There's my Invisible Children event that's been going on for over a month now and of course I'm behind in updating the Web site with teams' points and touching base with team leaders to see how things are going. Then there's our RHA, who successfully bid to host a conference - which is so exciting and amazing but also means a ton of more work for me. And then there's my lovely learning communities that have lately been giving me a headache. The student leaders in those communities are great and while they have been taking up a lot of my work, I enjoy every moment I'm spending with them. But then there are also the staff working with it. I'm just getting really frustrated at not being kept in the loop. I'm trying to make plans for next semester, but the only way I find out about staff decisions that have been made for next year is through my students and rumors. It just makes planning so tough. *Sigh.

I am super excited for next year though. I think we've put together a great team of RAs. And I know we'll have a strong group of leaders on the Executive Board of our Learning Community Council (Elections are on April 6) - and then we're also adding a Learning Community Leader position and the students that have expressed interest in applying so far are going to be outstanding. I think, overall, there will just be a lot more excitement and activity in our building and I'm really looking forward to that.

Well, it's 1 AM, so I should probably leave the office and go home - where, most likely, I'll be watching TV and making more buttons for Invisible Children. And tomorrow I really need to update the team rankings on the Web site. And there goes my weekend...

But hey, at least in a week, I'll be at the ACPA Conference, which - yes - is still work but at least I'll get out of here for a little while and I'll get to talk to some other people. :)

Spring Break

2011-03-10T13:03:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday of Spring Break. I decided to stick around for break to save some vacation days for the summer and I thought it'd be a good time to catch up on some of the work I hadn't gotten around to lately. LoL - that just never happens for me. ;) The first three days have been a whirlwind of trying to help RHA get ready for their conference bid. But today has finally been a more-relaxed day. For one, I'm back in my apartment for lunch and am watching TV while writing this; that never happens during the regular school year. I still have a decent amount of stuff to do though: finish a newsletter for ACPA, sort through my e-mail (I went from 3 to 110 to 43...my goal is to get back to 3 by the end of today). I also have to prep some stuff for our Invisible Children Concert, follow up with the various Invisible Children teams and then there was the whole goal of getting ahead with some work. We'll see if that happens. I only got one and a half days left.

Everyone has been telling me that I should take some time off over Spring Break and part of me really really wants to just relax and sleep in and read, but I know I'd just be sitting around thinking about all the work I need to do. It's probably better if I just take time off over the summer; it'll be easier not to think about work when students aren't around and I don't feel the pressure of upcoming projects and events.

Students say the darnest things

2011-03-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

I've been getting kind of frustrated with my learning communities. I feel like there isn't enough "learning" going on but I don't feel like I have the freedom to make that learning happen. I'm afraid certain staff members will see it as me overstepping my boundaries, if I truly take charge of events, get faculty involved and make decisions for the future of the community. At the same time, if I don't do anything, nothing happens and it's like the students don't even live in a learning community anymore - except for the occasional Walmart trip (is that really a LEARNING community event?) and a weekly message with announcements (half of which I submit).

We have a student organization that is connected to the learning community but has become a fully registered student organization with our student government, and therefore is now open to all students. I've been the advisor for the organization and they're the only ones who've been doing things for the learning community this year. And they've been absolutely amazing. But it's the Spring semester, the middle of Spring semester, and questions about elections and next Fall and the future of the organization are coming up. Which also brings up questions about the future of the learning community? Questions I can't answer. And questions that bring up other good questions. ;)

For example, one of the students asked tonight about the faculty director for next year. There used to be a faculty director and a graduate student supporting that faculty director. At the end of last year, the faculty director left, so this year, we only had the graduate student; which meant I had to get more involved. Now, they are supposedly searching for a faculty director and I've heard that there are some candidates out there and that an offer may be made soon. So I told my students that there may be a new faculty director for next year but that I didn't know anything mroe specific. Which led the students to the next question - how the search for the faculty director works. I answered truthfully that I'm not really sure; I know which office oversees it but that's about it. And that led to the final and best question of the evening: "Why aren't you involved in that search?"

Hmm, yeah, good question!!!

I know the faculty director is supposed to be in charge of the community and as a Hall Director I'm supposed to be supporting them. But that still means that I'll be spending a lot of time with that person and will have to work closely with them, so shouldn't I at least be part of the search process? Even if I don't get a say in it, it'd be nice to be kept more up-to-date.

People always assume that I want to "take over" things or that I'm on some sort of power trip. But honestly, I just want to be included and know what's going on - especially with things that affect me. I want a faculty director that I can talk to, with whom I can plan things, split up responsibilities - so it isn't the faculty director doing one thing and me and my RAs doing something else and nobody knowing what's really going on and everyone working against each other instead of together. I want us to be on the same page, have similar goals.

I love that we typically have strong faculty support here; and in my other learning community we really do. But in my other learning community, the faculty also talks to me and we plan things together or they tell me what they're planning and I add to it. Or I organize and plan the event (because sometimes that's easier for me to do) and then they actually go on it and interact with the students.

I'm rambling, but this has just been so frustrating. And it's tough when the students are picking up on it now and are asking the questions I've been asking myself for months.

Ironic

2011-03-02T00:08:00.000-05:00

It's kind of ironic that my last entrance was titled "balance" because these last few days have been the most hectic all year and balance has been the furthest from my mind.

Saturday, I actually did do something for myself. I met up with a friend from back home. But then Sunday morning I had to leave to come back and meet with RHA as well as host a candidate for our grad program here. Monday morning we had interviews for the grad program starting at 8 am; as soon as I got done, I came back to the building and was in meetings with RAs and students for the rest of the afternoon followed by an RHA meeting, another meeting with an RA and then our weekly movie night. I got back to my apartment around 9:30 pm and that's when I started looking through RA applicants and proofreading RHA's Conference bid. I went to bed at 3 am and got up again at 9 am. A day of meetings followed, some an hour, some half an hour - all immediately following the next one. I was running late all day and I just didn't seem to be able to catch up. Lunch meetings, a program over dinner, then meetings and programs in the evening. In between I raced to the store to pick up a pizza for one of my RAs for a program. And now, it's about midnight and I've finally made it back to my apartment. I should be reviewing RA files because we select on Friday and I haven't even gotten through half the files yet. Tomorrow, I start at 8 am and don't end until 10 pm - with hardly any breaks/time to read files.

Sigh.

I can't wait for this week to be over. All I want to do is SLEEP. ;) But at the same time, I wouldn't want it to be any different. No matter how stressed I was today, I had some AWESOME conversations with residents. I saw my students work hard and strive to do their best. I saw the student organizations I work with take it to the next level. And that's what it's all about, right?

Balance

2011-02-24T02:46:00.000-05:00

I can't believe we have only one week and a couple of days left until Spring Break. I'm looking forward to Spring Break, even though I'm not taking any time off (I'm trying to save vacation days for the summer). But that week will give me a chance to catch up on some work, get ahead on some other things and be able to leave the office at a reasonable time. It'd be nice to get back home around 5 or 6 pm. Usually, I don't get back home until 10 or 11 pm - sometimes even later than that. There are just too many meetings and events at night. But the thing is, those are the things that are fun.

My supervisor recently did my 6-month evaluation and, not very surprisingly, she commented on how I need to work on balance. I mean, she's right. I don't really have balance. I had all these plans at the beginning of the year - I was thinking about dance lessons or voice lessons or joining a choir or something like that; and then I just got busy. First semester, I was teaching our learning community class Monday evening, Tuesday evenings I had RHA, Area Council and Global Council meetings, Wednesdays we had staff meeting, and Thursdays I had some evening office hours and that was also usually the night we had programs and when the Invisible Children organization met. At the beginning of this semester, I wanted to limit the evenings when I have to work. At first things looked pretty promising. I wanted to work Tuesday and Wednesday nights and have Mondays and Thursdays to myself; but somehow that just didn't work. First, Area Council decided to change their meeting day to Thursdays. The RHA bid team meets Monday evenings. There are programs, random meetings and and and.

So then I decided not to start working until noon, since I was usually out and about that late. Sometimes that works out. But then there are days when we have morning meetings. Or sometimes I just can't fit all the meetings with students and colleagues into the evening, so I myself decide to schedule a meeting in the morning. Sigh. But it's definitely gotten a little better; there are days I sleep in until 10 am or even 11 am - not often, but even once a week is pretty amazing. :)

After getting my evaluation, I took some time to look at my schedule to see if there was anything I could cut. But the tough part is that the things I could potentially cut, are the ones that I like the most - like Global Council meetings or some of the programs my students have been organizing and helping RHA with their bid. Those are the things that don't even feel like work but are simply FUN.

And my students have been pretty damn amazing lately. Global Council made our student newspaper twice within the last week. They've pulled together some pretty awesome events with very little direction. Two of them are planning our End of the Year Banquet and they've been going way above and beyond expectations - from the beautiful invitations to planning to make awesome decorations. It's going to be a wonderful banquet.

I should probably still try to have a bit more balance in my life - maybe by actually following through on some of the plans I had - but it's hard to say no to students and it's even harder to say no when working with them is so much fun!

From undergrad to grad to professional

2011-02-14T22:13:00.000-05:00

Interview days for our grad program are coming up and as always that's gotten me to start thinking about the transitions we go through - from undergrad to grad and then to being a professional staff member. And what can we, as supervisors, do to help our students make that transitions?

I sometimes see students start a graduate program and continue to live like an undergraduate. Their habits, what they do in their free time - nothing changes much.
I've also seen new professionals start that first job and do the same thing - continue to go out and socialize as they did as a grad student, possibly similar to what they did as an undergraduate.

But shouldn't there be a difference?

As an undergraduate, I was a student leader - but I still did "stupid" undergraduate things. You could often find me at the bar with my friends. I didn't drink - not really for any deep, meaningful reason; I just don't really like the taste - but I was there and quite often, you could find me dancing on the table or acting silly. Yes, I tried to be a role model and the few times I did drink, I made sure not to get drunk and act irresponsible - I also tried to look out for my friends when I was out with them and made sure nobody else ended up in the hospital or drove home drunk. And yes, many weekends I was also busy with student leader type things and was working late or catching up on homework; and I often had more fun just hanging out in the RA office than I did when we went out (a lot less drama and way more comfortable clothes...haha). But like I said, I was out there - doing the "college thing".
I was also an RA - and as an RA, I was close with many of my residents. Yes, there was a line but it was pretty blurry.

Then I became a graduate student. I don't think I ever consciously changed my behavior; I just became the overinvolved, super busy graduate student that didn't have time to go out and engage in that type of behavior. And I didn't really miss it.
I once again was close with many students and that line was still pretty blurry - especially considering how close I was with many of them.

And then my first few years as a professional - I struggled, trying to make friends but not willing to engage in certain behaviors and attend certain outings. And for the first time, I was really consciously making the choice not to attend some of these events. I'm not sure when I made that decision - but I just had this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach / I guess I just knew it wasn't a smart thing to do. And the few times I let my colleagues drag me out to the bars, something always happened to make me remember why I don't like to be there. Like a highly intoxicated underage resident stopping me on the street to ask me academic advising questions; and while I was trying to get the student to move on for now and come to my office the next day, I also had to worry about my colleagues giggling and clearly showing that they were just as intoxicated.
I also struggled with going out with graduate students. How can I sit there and get drunk with you and then tomorrow "supervise" you and write your evaluation? If it had been a question of going out to eat and having a beer or some sort of drink with the meal, that'd be one thing - but we all know in the American bar scene, the alcohol isn't part of the experience - it's the main focus of the experience.
However, choosing not to go out often made me feel isolated and I didn't develop close friendships with colleagues. And so I found my social outlet somewhere else - in my building, with my staff. Which of course let to a whole other set of questions regarding the line between my RAs and me and things became more than just blurry. I was fortunate though because I had some amazing RAs, who could handle hanging out and watching movies with me one night but still respect me as their supervisor and take good feedback the next day.

So what does it mean to be professional? There is no guidebook; there aren't any rules. Every professional would probably give you a different answer. But I think it's important that we think about these things - think about what "acting professionally" means to us and then make those decisions consciously and based on our values and believes, rather than just stumble through them.

And I think, as we work with our graduate students, we need to find ways to get them to think about these topics and figure out what it means for them to be a professional - or at least to start figuring it out (because I'm afraid it's one of those topics you'll have to keep thinking about throughout your entire career).

Student organizations & Thank You's

2011-02-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

I've been going to the meetings of the Invisible Children organization on campus all year, since we are collaborating on my weekend program. This entire time, I haven't seen their advisor once. Occasionally I've wanted to step in and say something - as an advisor - but I've tried to restrain myself. I didn't want to fall into the role of an advisor. But I've slowly had the suspicion that one day, they would ask me to be their advisor - and I didn't know what I would say.
And here's the funny part: I voiced that suspicion to a colleague and just a few hours later, at an Invisible Children Meeting, they asked me if I would consider being their advisor. And I didn't know what to say. It wouldn't be until next year. And it's not that I don't want to - I'd love to - but I also have a lot of other things on my plate and I'm already advising an Area Council and our Global Council and I'd love to maybe advise RHA or NRHH again next year because I miss working with those student groups.

Talking about RHA, I've been getting a little more involved with them as well. They're thinking about hosting a regional conference next Fall and are right now in the middle of preparing their bid. And since I have some experience in bidding for conferences from undergrad, I offered my help. And now I'm going to weekly bid team meetings and I love it. I've missed being involved with RHA. And I love conferences! But I worry about stepping on the toes of the RHA advisors. And I wonder how much that will take over my life if they get the bid - or "when" they get the bid (they don't like it when I say "if"). ;)

It's weird though - I've been feeling oddly appreciated lately and I'm just not used to it. :) Invisible Children told me that they appreciate all I do and that's why they want me to be their advisor. RHA members have thanked me for helping out with preparing the bid. Recently I sent out e-mails to all the students, who had a great GPA last semester or who improved their GPA, to congratulate them; I also sent out e-mails to those who didn't do so well and offered help. And I've gotten quite a few e-mails back thanking me for caring.

I never know what to do with thank-you's. I appreciate them and they make me feel good :) - but I guess I just don't know what to say. And I feel a little weird because shouldn't it be "normal" that I care - not just because I'm a Hall Director but because I'm a human being and we should all care about each other.

Snow Days Suck!

2011-02-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

We've had WAYYYYY too many snow days this semester already. We started off with a snow day - so much for that first day of classes (a Tuesday). The second week, we had a snow day on Thursday. And then this week, we had Tuesday and Wednesday off.

Snow Days were great when you were a student - they aren't all that exciting now that I'm a staff member. When I wake up in the morning and see that e-mail telling me that it's a snow day, a tiny part of me still cheers. I'm not sure why - maybe it's just because we've been socialized to think that snow days are awesome; or it's the memories of being excited about snow days. But for me, a snow day doesn't change much. Hall Directors are emergency personnel. So I still have to go to the office. Meetings with residents of the building still take place. Maybe a few meetings with other offices and our central staff are cancelled, but that doesn't significantly free up my schedule; especially not this week that's been crammed with RA Interviews and preparing for programs. And honestly, not having those meetings is sometimes way more frustrating than it'd be to lose the time that the meeting would take up.

I feel pretty disconnected from the rest of campus and the central office because I haven't had a one-on-one with my supervisor in a while and now we are not having our staff meeting tomorrow. I also have a list of offices that I really need to talk to but haven't been able to because they've been closed.

On Tuesday, we had our Invisible Children Challenge Kick-off event (in spite of the snow day) and attendance was somewhat limited because of the weather. And then I started getting all these e-mails from students who were interested in coming but couldn't make it because of the snow. And it's AWESOME that they are interested in the Challenge, but this means I now have to organize another Kick-off Event - and for that I have to reserve a room in the Student Union, which means I need the Reservations Office to be open, so I can contact them, and it also means more work for me.

Snow days also mean that our students are hanging out and are getting bored. Some of them are "just bored" and they've been coming down to hang out in the office or have been going through my personal DVD collection; those are "the good ones." The others have decided to use the extra free time to make a lot of noise - before and after quiet hours - have parties and get drunk. We've had serious increases in policy violations on and around the snow days. This is NOT how I wanted to start the semester off. Soon I'll have had more violations in these first few weeks than I had all last semester.

So let's all keep our fingers crossed that this was it for snow days!

Invisible Children - I'm starting to get nervous

2011-01-24T03:34:00.000-05:00

Those of you who've followed my blog for a while or actually know me in real life know that 2009 marked the year of the first Invisible Children Challenge - and it was EPIC (to use a typical "Invisible Children" word...seriously, just watch some of the live feeds and videos...they say EPIC every two seconds...haha).

I'm trying to re-create that magic this Spring by hosting my second and this University's first Invisible Children Challenge. We're asking students (student organizations, residence hall floors, area councils, etc.) to form teams that will compete to see how can be most successful in their awareness and fundraising campaigns. You can get points for showing the Invisible Children documentaries, organizing fundraisers and book drives and supporting campus-wide Invisible Children initiatives.

Oh, for those of you who aren't familiar with Invisible Children: it's an organization that tries to raise awareness about the longest running war in Africa and free Joseph Kony's child soldiers. (http://www.invisiblechildren.com)

But anyway; the Challenge is supposed to kick off on February 1 and then goes until April 1, where it'll end with the traditional Benefit Concert. And as Feb. 1 gets closer, I'm getting more and more nervous. So far, we've got two teams; well, at least there's two teams that I know about even though they still need to fill out the registration form. My goal is to get at least 10 teams. That's what we had last time. And yes, granted, last time, a lot of teams didn't form until half-way through the competition and about a month prior to the Benefit Concert, but still.... This waiting is driving me crazy. I just want to know that I'll have enough teams and that this event isn't going to flop. So I spent quite a bit of time this weekend sending individualized e-mails to student organizations (service and social justice organizations, club sports - since those have to do community service, and anyone else who's mission slightly relates to Africa or human rights); I managed to send 64 e-mails in the past 24 hours. So now it's back to waiting. Yikes. I'm not a very patient person...haha.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me that we'll reach my goal of 10 teams; and preferably sooner rather than later.

Trying to be proactive

2011-01-21T23:32:00.005-05:00

It's been an interesting week.

The residence hall opened on Sunday, but for some reason, some of our students showed up on Saturday and - for even less explanable reasons - their ID cards worked and so they got into the buidling and started moving back in. At first I was trying to figure out who was here but there were too many, so eventually I just gave up.

Sunday night was ridiculous in the building. I walked around taking pictures of RA's bulletin boards and name tags and I had to stop by a ton of rooms to ask them to quiet down. Maybe it was the excitement about being back; maybe the fact that we didn't have classes on Monday thanks to MLK Jr. Day - either way, it wasn't the way I wanted to start the semester. The week didn't improve much. Students throwing up in the bathroom, a bulletin board being vandalized, comments being made about RAs (after they tried to remind students of policies in the residence halls), and then last night we had quite a few documentations.

I spent all day today meeting with students; most of those meetings weren't in response to documentation but just focused on students on floors that I'm concerned about - proactive meetings. ;)

I tried to find a balance between "putting my foot down" but also giving them the benefit of the doubt and trying to get them to "want" to respect the policies in the future. I don't believe into scaring students into abiding to policies; I don't think it works and that's now how I would want to be treated - so I won't treat students that way. Instead I tried to explain to them what my concerns were, made it clear that I wasn't accusing them or charging them with anyone but that I wanted their help in addressing these concerns. I guess we'll see if it works...

New shift for HDs?

2011-01-20T00:12:00.004-05:00

Next year, new Hall Directors here are going to be asked to work a 12-8 pm shift (instead of the typical 9-5) and I think it's most brilliant idea EVER. And not just because I'm not a morning person - let's be honest, those hours in the office in the morning can be good to get some paperwork and other administrative tasks done but how many students do you really see before noon? If students are out, they are eating breakfast or are going to class. They don't want to hang out and socialize; they don't want to have a long conversation with their Hall Director about their college experience.

Now, my days usually start around 9-ish. (Our office is already pretty flexible with that and there are days I don't make it to the office until a little later.) I work on random things, have some 1:1's with RAs or go to meetings. Things tend to pick up around lunch, which is why I rarely make it to the apartment for lunch - usually it's more a throw-something-in-the-microwave-and-it-eat-in-the-office lunch. More meetings, 1:1's and some student interactions in the afternoon. depending on how starving I am and how long my night will be, there may be a dinner that resembles lunch or I may decide to wait until after I get done. And then, so around 6 pm, it feels like my day really starts. Student organization meetings, staff meetings, student interactions in the building, my office or at programs; roommate mediations rarely happen before 6 pm because for students it' just more convenient to do it after they get done with classes. I try to avoid having Community Standards meetings after hours but sometimes it's just not avoidable.

Mondays, right now, I usually get done around 8:30 pm - though now that Monday Movie Nights are starting up again, I may go to some of those, which would then extend my work day until 10 pm on Mondays. Tuesday, I never get done before 10 pm before at 6 pm I go to RHA meetings (every other week) and from 8:30-10 pm I have Area Council meetings. Wednesdays, it's staff meetings from 7-9 pm and then our Global Council meetings from 9 until we get done (usually around 10 pm). Thursdays, it could be 8 pm if there isn't a program (since I have office hours a little later on Thursday and then usually an Invisible Children meeting from 7-8 pm). And Fridays is really the only day I leave the office at 5 pm.

And when I get home late at night, it's not like I can just crash and go to bed. I just spent hours with students - high-energy - I need some time to calm down, relax, have some quality me-time before I'm ready for bed. And that means I rarely get to sleep before at least 1 if not 2 am. And then getting up at 8 am is simply torture. So yeah, later shifts - that would be HEAVEN and I really think more schools need to start doing this.

Islamophobic much?

2011-01-19T23:48:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's really been a while since I last posted. But you know how it gets - professional staff training, then getting ready for the RAs to come back, then the RAs are here and you spend your days training them and your evenings preparing for more training sessions and then suddenly it's time for opening and you're running around, handing out keys, trying to memorize the names of as many new students as possible, answering questions of new exchange students until 11 pm, making plans for student organization executive board retreats and and and.

But that's not what I want to talk about now because I have something else I need to get off my chest. One of my friends recently posted this article from the Blaze on his Facebook Wall: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/report-eu-school-calendars-scrub-christian-holidays-keep-muslim-ones/
Now clearly, forgetting to include Christian holidays in the new EU calendar was a pretty dumb mistake. The tiny "evil" part of me thinks it may serve all these Christians right for feeling what every othe religion had to feel like for years when they were excluded in calendars; but that kind of thinking and behavior doesn't get us anywhere and so the "good" part of me strongly believes that if we include religious holidays, we should try to include ALL of them - or at least as many as possible and clearly not forget one of the dominant religions in the EU.

But that's all not really point. When I was reading this article, the one thing that really made me mad was how the fact that Muslim holidays were included was emphasized. Start with the headline: "Report: EU School Calendars Scrub Christian Holidays, Keep Muslim Ones" - no, WRONG! On so many levels. They didn't just keep Muslim ones - they kept Jewish, Hindu and Muslim ones. Why are we singling out Muslim ones?

And it's not just the headline. Here's how the article starts,"A new 2011-2012 school calendar for children published by a branch of the European Union has omitted references to Christian holidays but has kept its references to prominent Jewish, Hindu, and even Muslims holidays, according to a Catholic news outlet." Was it really necessary to write "...and even Muslim holidays."

Islamophobic much? Jeez, if you're angry that they forgot the Christian holidays, that's one thing - but then be angry that they forgot those and included all of the others. The last thing we need in this world is more hatred against Muslims. We got enough of that already.

What should my priorities be?

2011-01-05T22:44:00.005-05:00

The new year has started and with it our professional staff training. The last few days have been filled with intense, heated debates. I like to challenge things and I like debates, but I often feel like we talk in circles and we get stuck on issues that are outside of our control. And that's gotten me thinking about what my priorities should be - what should be the things I'm going to fight for and I'm going to try to influence/change.

I want them to be things that I will actually be able to influence - and that should be within my control. I don't kid myself by thinking that I will change our Community Standards process, for example - I don't work in that office and while I am involved in this process and get to fill out lots of lovely paperwork for it, there are other professionals in that office who take care of all this and I trust that they know what they're doing...probably a lot better than me because I'm not a Community Standards person. ;)

I think I want to make Learning Communities one of the areas I focus on. I've kind of been thrown into Learning Communities anyway since one of the two in my building doesn't have a faculty director; I've had to help out with it more than what the involvement of a Hall Director would usually be and that's helped me get a pretty good understanding of Learning Communities here. I think we have some great things: more faculty involvement and leadership than I've seen at some other programs, an office that works with first-year programs and learning communities. But I think we're also lacking some important things: clear delineation of who is responsible for what in the Learning Community, a lot of confusion on staff's side (Hall Directors and RAs) about how they could support their Learning Community. And that's where I'd like to come in. I think we can improve the relationships that exist between the different players in the Learning Communities. I think we need to focus on planning things earlier and in more detail; then we could be more intentional and we could split up the work more effectively between the different players. I also think we can increase the student leadership within the communities. Some of the communities (my two included) have returning students that live in the community. We hope that these students will take on a leadership role in the community and help to carry on traditions. This happens sometimes, but at least in my communities I've seen more of my first-year students involved and the returners are just "there" - or they support programs and initiatives but not many are really spearheading anything. And I'm not blaming the students; I think we haven't set up systems and processes that allow them to take on leadership roles. Very few student leaders (especially at a sophomore level) will feel comfortable to take the initiative and just make things happen. But if we give them a title and some additional training, they'll be there and they'll make great things happen.

I've also been thinking about my involvement in student leadership, specifically the Residence Hall Association. This is the first year since I've started college that I haven't been either involved with RHA or NRHH. And I miss it. I haven't necessarily missed it as much as I thought; I've been too busy for that. And my learning community and other student organizations have taken up a lot of that time and provided me with that student leader contact; but when I think about it, I do really miss it. I'd love to be a little more involved next year. In the Fall, I've made a point of going to RHA meetings, partially to make sure I know what's going on and how things are done now (lots has changed from the days when I was the RHA advisor here), partially just to get to know the RHA executive board and start building relationships with them.

I'm still stuck on our programming model and how I think it could be improved. I just struggle with the fact that, if you asked me right now, I couldn't tell what we, as a department, want our students to learn from living in the residence halls. Yes, we want them to build relationships and learn how to build relationships and that's great and really important - but there should be more.... So yeah, haven't given up on that one yet.

****

I'm also, once again, going to try to make having a personal life a priority. It seems like every Spring semester, I try to do that. In the Fall, I just get too busy. And with having moved the past two years, there was too much to do with settling in and adjusting. I keep telling myself that once I stay in one area for longer, I'll manage to have a personal life even in the Fall. Wishful thinking? Ha. Maybe.

Anyway, I'm definitely planning a few weekend trips to visit friends. I just wish they lived a little closer. Buying all these plane tickets is going to get freakin' expensive. Not that I don't make enough money; but I have this thing for saving money. For what, I'm not sure. Lately I've been telling myself it's for my daughters' college fund. LoL. Just need to have those daughters first. And I know it'll be girls because I wouldn't know what to do if I had a son. He'd have to become a professional dancer, because if he starts talking about football and baseball I'll be lost. Haha.

Alright, it's time to crawl into bed, read for a little while and then call it a night. More training tomorrow.

To help or not to help

2010-12-30T14:38:00.004-05:00

A friend of mine recently asked me for help in his search for a graduate hall director position; but I'm really struggling with helping him...for so many reasons. There's the fact that he isn't thinking about going into Student Affairs but is just looking for a grad hall director position to get into a school and then eventually get a chance to take some grad classes in who knows what. When I did my grad assistantship search, I was first looking for Student Affairs programs and then for assistantships; so I don't really know how to do a search when you are not looking for a Student Affairs grad program. I don't really think there are many schools who have grad assistantships for people who are not planning on going into Student Affairs; I guess it's schools that don't have Student Affairs programs but I really don't know any.

And it's not just that I don't have any experience in this type of search; I'm also not sure I want to help. That sounds mean...ha. But I guess I'm just not sure he'd be a great Hall Director. I really struggle with those people who work as Hall Directors because they didn't know what else to do with their life. I'm a Hall Director because I believe in Higher Education and Student Affairs; I believe in educating residents, in learning outside of the classroom!!! This isn't something I'm just doing to have something to do; I believe in this profession.

I also believe it's important that Hall Directors have a master's degree in Student Affairs. I mean, how can someone with no student development background design programs that will help their students grow and develop?

I worked as an RA for a Hall Director, who didn't have a master's degree and who was a Hall Director because she didn't really know what else to do with her life. (And that was a typical story for the staff in our department.) When I was a student and then an RA, I didn't really notice what I was missing - I mean, I didn't know any better; but now, looking back, there were so many opportunities that we missed - opportunities to educate students and to help them make the most out of their college experience. We took care of the administrative responsibilities of running a residence hall; we had some "fun" programs to fulfill the programming requirements - but how much learning was really happening? And how great relationships did I truly build with my residents? And when I ran into a concern with a resident, how good advice could my supervisor really give me? It often felt like the blind leading the blind.

I know there a ton of colleges out there and lots of Hall Director positions - so yeah, there probably isn't a way to fill all of them with Master's level professionals. But still, as someone who truly believes in this profession, I don't know if I can support someone, who doesn't have a Master's and who just wants to be a Hall Director because he doesn't know what else to do with his life, in becoming a Hall Director.

Learning To Fly

2010-12-21T01:12:00.002-05:00

Are there any Harry Potter fans out there? If so, have you ever seen JK Rowling's Web site? The one where can move items on a bookshelf and find hidden treasurers, or drop the right amount of red and green drops on a plant and it'll open a secret page. And there was the room with the door that was usually locked; but on certain occasions the door would unlock and reveal something really cool - like the release date of the next book or a book title. I remember one year, around the holidays, I got up extra early, so I could check the page before having to leave for a flight. I knew something was being revealed any day and I just HAD to see it right away. :)

Anyway, I'm unlocking my door and her's a little secret for you (not as cool as a Harry Potter Book release but maybe as the year goes on, I'll think of some more exciting items to reveal):

Have you ever wondered where the title "Learning to Fly" comes from? Well, when I started writing this blog, I was listening to a lot of Kelly Clarkson. And in her song Breakaway, she sings, "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly." I LOVED that song and that phrase...but as a whole phrase it seemed to long. So I shortened it to the part that seemed most relevant to what this blog would be about - learning to be a Student Affairs professional. Because in the end, we're always learning in this profession, whether we're in our first year after grad school or our last year before retirement. And that's what makes this job awesome!

The end of another semester....

2010-12-21T00:28:00.003-05:00

I closed my building today; well, as much as you "close" when you're open for winter break housing. But since I only have 10 students staying for winter break, we're pretty much closed.

Closing went well. I walked through all the rooms with the RAs, closed lots of windows and pulled countless plugs. I always feel disgusting after checking residents' rooms. I've taken more showers in the last 24 hours than I usually take in a week. Haha.

But now we're done and so another semester comes to a close. It's been a good semester overall. I'm glad I came back here. I'm enjoying my job a lot more again; hey, I've turned back into the old workaholic me - that's always a good sign, even though it's not exactly a good thing. ;) I'm going to have to work on that whole balance thing again next semester. Wait, haven't we heard that before? But seriously, not my fault this time. I came in with all these awesome ideas. I thought about joining a choir (even researched some), taking dance classes (looked at various studios' web sites and had a couple picked out that could potentially work) and of course wanted to spend some time playing piano/guitar. But as they say, things never happen the way you plan them. I was teaching a class Monday night, had several student organization meetings on Tuesdays, staff meetings Wednesdays, late office hours and another student organization meeting on Thursday. Which left Fridays - and trust me, there aren't any choirs or dance classes that meet on Fridays; and very few do on the weekends. Oh and I got that library card and books pretty much distracted me all through training but once the semester started, I just didn't get around to it anymore. I re-read a few books because then it's easier to put them when you have to; you know me and books. LoL.

I did start a new hobby this semester; or got back to one - painting. I just randomly felt like it and bought a ton of paints and went for it. We'll see what comes of it. But it's incredibly relaxing to play around with paint (and yes, when I paint, it's more playing than painting...ha...you should see my hands and arms afterwards [I do try to keep it off my clothes and the carpet, you know]).

Work-wise, it's also been a good semester. It hasn't always been easy but we made it through and I'm proud of quite a few things we accomplished this semester. It's always nice to get that first semester under your belt. There will still be a few things that surprise you Spring semester, but overall - once you've made it through Fall - you have a pretty good idea of what to do and what your job is like at your new institutions. At least that's been my experience.
My grad and I have also had some good conversations at the end of the semester in regards to plans we have for the next semester and even next year. I'm so glad I have her; she's been absolutely incredible. It helps that we often agree on where we'd like to see the department go; what we think is important in this field. It helps that we have very similar styles. And it's just nice to have another staff member there, someone you can talk to, problem-solve with or just hang out with in the office. Going from a centralized office to having an apartment and office in the same building and no other Hall Directors int hat building, I could have easily gone back into my bubble and shut out the rest of the world. Even the way things are now, I sometimes feel a little disconnected from the other Hall Directors; some of them have team-led areas, others share office spaces and others have just known each other for years and are friends. But it helps to have at least another person there; and yes, there is a difference between a hall director and a grad and in the end I'm the supervisor, but it's a pretty thin line. I mean, in a year and a half, we could very well be colleagues somewhere, right?

But yeah, like I said, I'm proud of what we've accomplished:
Overall, I think our students had a good semester. I think the RAs have gotten used to my style a little more and I've been able to make some compromises. My grad and I have come up with some new ideas for programming for next semester and I really think the staff will like it - well, at least that's what I hope. I think, if I was an RA, I would really like it and I do truly believe it'll make their jobs easier but also make their interactions with students better and more meaningful. We'll see....
Our learning communities have made some new strides: programs that happened, a student organization that became a lot more established and a lot more student-run, some ideas for new structures, a little more learning community programming by the RAs....
There's still a lot more I hope to accomplish, but it's good to be able to look back at the semester and know that we made some progress. I'm not always good at that, looking back and recognizing what I've already accomplished. I'm trying to work on that and I guess this post is one of my first steps.

On a totally random sidenote: I did not put up my Christmas tree. I'm not sure it was a "statement" or a clear decision even; I just didn't get around to it and the one time I thought of it, i remember what a hassle it is to put together a plastic tree. Real trees are SO MUCH BETTER. But yeah, can't have those in a residence hall. And I'm not even sure I'll be home on the 24th, so it'd be pretty pointless to put up a tree (Austrians celebrate Christmas on the 24th). But then I didn't know where to put the Christmas presents my family sent me (and that I, as the good daughter I am, haven't opened yet as the instruction said to wait until the 24th); they're still in the box sitting underneath my piano. But putting the tree up now? A few days before Christmas? And then having to take it down soon? Shudder; what a hassle. I guess I'm still old, lazy me. LoL.

I hope you all had great semesters and are now enjoying your winter break!!!

The things we say and the things we actually do

2010-12-12T16:01:00.003-05:00

Some of our leadership talks a lot about how we are a premier residence life department and how being an RA is one of the top leadership opportunities at our institution. But the more I think about and the longer I'm working here, the more I'm starting to wonder how much of that is just talk. I think we're a department with the potential to become great - and I definitely think that's where we want to go - but we're not there yet. And there seems to be a lot of resistance to becoming truly one of the best departments; or at least what I would consider one of the top departments.

For example, a colleague said something about the language I use - hmm, yeah, so I talk about learning outcomes and assessment and student learning; isn't that what the staff of a premier residence life department should do? If we sit around and play games and talk about ice breakers and building community, we will never be one of those departments people look to. Don't get me wrong, community building is vital; it's the first step; but there should be more, shouldn't there? There should be education and learning. And how are we going to get there unless we start talking about student learning, unless we develop learning outcomes and strategies to accomplish them? And yes, maybe I could "tone down" my language and use fluffier words, but how can we expect anyone else to take us seriously if we don't take ourselves seriously? How can we expect presidents of universities to see the value in Student Affairs, when we don't use language used in the rest of the academic world?

I've grown up in Austria where we don't have residence halls. Students just live in apartments in town or student housing managed by a landlord. There's nobody to "build community" and "enforce policies." When you're 18 and in college, you're an adult and you are treated as such.
Having grown up there, I sometimes struggle with the concept of Residence Life here - or at least how some professionals define the purpose of Residence Life. Yes, living on a floor that has a close community is fun and makes college life more enjoyable, but is it that important? No, not really. But education and helping students learn more about themselves, that IS important; that's something that our students will benefit from, our society will benefit from - and I see a value in striving for that, in working in a profession that has this goal. And so, while a lot of my time is spent with community-building, policy-enforcment and administrative tasks, the things I value, the reasons I'm in this profession, all relate to educating students, helping them learn about themselves, diversity, leadership, realizing what they're passionate about and how they can live out those dreams...and so I won't stop talking about student learning and learning outcomes and student development theories and and and, because once I stop talking about that, I will have lost my reason to work in this field.

Wonderful Weekend

2010-12-06T01:13:00.002-05:00

(I hope you all appreciate the alliteration in the title - and the only reason I know what an alliteration is thanks to taking Latin in middle school and high school and having to identify alliterations and other sound devices in the texts we had to translate. I guess at least I remember something from those 6 years of Latin, right? The other thing I remember are the first three sentences of my first Latin textbook, "Italia terra fecunda est. Gloria Italiae magna est. Concordia Italiam servat" and a few Latin sayings like, "Alea iacta est" - those came in handy when reading Asterix and Obelix comics. ... Okay, enough about Latin.)

So this weekend was kind of perfect. :) I wish more weekends were like that. It started off with a concert on Friday night that my grad and I went to - and it was pretty awesome. It was one of those holidays shows that features a bunch of different acts and I really liked all of them - even though Sarah Bareilles was clearly the best (at least in my opinion). If you haven't listened to her new album yet, you really should. But I know I'm repeating myself - I already talked about that in my last entry - well, in case you were wondering, I still think she's amazing!!! ;) What would I give for that voice and that stage presence? When I'm on stage playing piano, my face either turns red or pale and my foot starts twitching (it was a weird thing that happens to me when I get nervous); oh yes and my hands start shaking which comes in real handy when trying to play piano...ha.

Saturday, as I also mentioned before, I hung out with students during the day as they were using my kitchen. In the evening we had a End of the Semester party for one of our Learning Communities and after that I just hung out and relaxed in my apartment.

And finally today, we went on a bus trip to a city with students (organized by my Council). Getting up at 6 am wasn't that much fun and having a chatty bus driver, I didn't even get a chance to really nap on the bus. But once we got to the city, it was just nice not to be on campus anymore and to get to wander around. I even bought some clothes - and those of you who know me well know that I'm very rarely in the mood to buy clothes; so that was kinda fun.

So even though the weekend included a lot of "work," it was a really good weekend. I wish more weekends were like that.

Relationships with RAs, Alcohol and more

2010-12-04T16:22:00.007-05:00

I used to be the queen of having "questionably close" relationships with RAs; I would hang out with my RAs, we'd watch movies together, we'd go to concerts together, I could drop by their rooms at any time and stay there for hours just talking. I definitely don't have that problem anymore - but I miss that!!! Yes, sometimes those relationships caused problems, or at least made things more "complicated" - but it also always made this job more fun.

At first I thought, maybe it's because I'm getting older (If I think about how close I'm getting to 30, I'm about to have a midlife crisis...haha), so the age difference between my staff and me is getting bigger; but then today I had a few residents come over to my apartment - they needed to bake something for their First Year Experience class (I'm their instructor) and we don't have a stove in the building for students. So they were "working" in my apartment for a few hours and while I was doing work at the same time on my laptop, we also talked and joked around - and I felt like, I could be friends with these students no matter the age difference, or at least that close friend-like-but-with-boundaries relationship.

Which brings me back to the question why I'm unable to establish that relationship with my current staff? It may just be that RAs here don't expect to have that type of relationship with their supervisor. Or maybe it's because I am a pretty strict supervisor with high expectations of my staff and sometimes it's hard for students to seperate work from your personal life. What I loved about some of my staffs was that I could have that close relationship with them, have fun with them, and still have very high expectations of them - or sometimes it really felt that because of the relationship we had, I was able to push them further. Here I feel like I try to push my staff and challenge them and that hurts our personal relationships; which doesn't mean that I'll stop pushing them - oh no - it just means that we aren't able to have that close relationship I'd like to have.
Lately I've also gotten the feeling that it's because hanging out with the Hall Director means that there can't be any alcohol involved. Ugh, I really dislike alcohol for how many issues it causes. Let me explain: at our last staff meeting I asked if they wanted to do some sort of end of semester celebration (my thought: brownies, hanging out, maybe a movie in my apartment) as well as if they wanted to do something for the staff leaving at the end of the semester (my thought: card, poster, gift from the entire staff - I'll never forget when one of my best friends left to study abroad and we made a poster that was as tall as she was in the shape of a foot because she loves feet...and a video that featured all of us wishing her good luck and one of the RAs even singing a song he wrote for her... And we definitely weren't that staff who all loved each other; but when it came to stuff like that, we forgot about our differences and had fun together) - anyway, the response of my current staff was that they would rather do those things "on their own" and "without Residence Life supervision" meaning that there'll be alcohol involved. Sigh. If we could just live in a world without alcohol....

But like I said earlier, I just spend some quality time with a few of my students and had a great time. They were SOOOO cute! They felt super special about being allowed to be in the Hall Director's apartment. They talked about going to events at the Student Union, going to a movie later that evening - things you CAN talk about in front of your Hall Director - and it was clear that they weren't just putting up a show but that's what they do in their free time and that's what they enjoy doing.

I have no problem with students going out and drinking if they're over 21 - as long as they do it responsibly and as long as they are also able to have fun doing other things.

*Sigh.* I forgot what the point of this blog was supposed to be. I'm really ready for the semester to be over. I just need to get some energy back, need a "fresh start." I'm not too excited about the holidays because thanks to immigratino laws I'll be spending them on my own here in the US instead of going skiing with my family, but I'm ready for two a little more relaxed weeks and then the chance to start off new, review expectations, set new expecations, make some changes - and second semester will also include the Invisible Children Challenge, my second time hosting such an event and no matter how much it'll take over my life and stress me out, I know it'll all be worth it in the end.

PS: You should all check out Sara Bareilles' album Kaleidoscope Heart because it is absolutely AMAZING!!!
PPS: I also saw her live recently and she was awesome.
PPPS: I just realized that the title "Relationships with RAs" could totally be misinterpreted. Well, let me assure, I have absolutely no intention of dating any student staff members. Haha.

Updates

2010-11-29T19:43:00.003-05:00

A few personal updates:

* I've finally started decorating my apartment. :) Because of my immigration issues, I didn't move in until right before training - and so I was immediately thrown into professional staff training craziness, then RA training craziness, then the first five weeks of the semester with extra programming and and and. I just haven't really had a time to breathe. I work until 9 pm on Mondays (I teach a class from 8-9 pm), 10 pm on Tuesdays (Area Council Meetings), 9 pm on Wednesdays (Staff Meeting) and 8 pm on Thursday (late office hours); so by the time I usually get home I'm just too tired to deal with personal stuff like unpacking, decorating, etc. Excuses? Maybe. I guess there are just always other things I care about more; if I really wanted to, yes, I could probably find the time. But anyway, it's just gotten ridiculous and so over Fall Break I decided to start decorating and finish unpacking. Of course I didn't get it done yet. Turns out, it's basically impossible to put a nail in my wall. I think it's because it's an outside wall of the building. After bending three nails, I gave up. Now I'm trying to come up with another solution. [I know at least one of my readers can relate to the frustration of not being able to hang things up in your apartment...haha...it's not that bad yet; I still have a few options I haven't tried.]

*I've once again made up my mind to work out more, cut down on the amount of ice cream I eat and - by doing that - lose some weight. I went running last night. I meant to get up early and go running this morning as well but that didn't happen. And right now I'm arguing with myself whether or not I should go running tonight; it's pretty cold out and I do have some exercise DVDs I could use. We'll see. Let's hope I end up doing something tonight.

*I'm debating if I should put up my Christmas tree. If you've read my religion post, you know my struggle. I'll also be spending the holidays by myself in my apartment. I really wanted to visit my family (and go skiing in Austria) over winter break but there's just not enough time. I have to apply for a new entry visa at the US Consulate in Vienna, if I leave the country - and that takes about 2 weeks and we don't even have a full 2-weeks off for winter break. So I'm stuck here and not too excited about it. I'm debating now if I should just completely ignore the holidays or if I put up a tree and fake excitement until I may actually get excited. Haha. Family holidays suck when you're far away from your family.

Work-updates:

*The next few weeks will be filled with writing RA Evaluations & meeting with RAs to discuss evaluations; writing end of the semester reports; starting to plan things for next semester; etc.

*One of these days, I'm going to try and spend some time reflecting on how my first semester here went. I like reflecting. ;) Some of my staff members hear get really frustated when they hear the word "refelcting" - apparently I ask them to do too much of that? But seriously, can there ever be too much reflecting? I mean, if we don't think about things, how else are we going to learn?

Bullying

2010-11-26T17:29:00.002-05:00

I recently read the book "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult again (I first read it this summer, but it's one of those books you have to read a couple times because it brings up so many questions). It's about a fictional high school shooting - but instead of telling the stories of the victims, it focuses on the shooter. It doesn't just talk about the shooting and the trial and how everyone deals with life after the shooting; it also tells us about the shooter's life growing up.

I love that book - even though it completely messes with my head whenever I read it. But I think the questions this book is asking are the questions we need to ask ourselves - HOW DID HE GET TO THERE? How does a person get to the point where they turn into a shooter?

At my last institution, we had to go through active shooter training. We learned that, if there is an active shooter, you should first see if there's a possibility to get away and if so, you should run and get as far away as possible; if that isn't an option, you should try to barricade yourself in. We learned that if you're hiding in a classroom, you shouldn't all huddle together because you make a much easier target; instead you should try to spread out so if the shooter comes to your room, he won't be able to get you all at once. And they told us that if there's no way to get away or barricade yourself in somewhere, you should try to come up with a plan to take out the shooter - because at this point, it's either you or him.

Sadly enough training like that are necessary - and they're helpful. But I wish we spent at least as much if not more time talking about how we can try to keep our students from getting to the point where they become an active shooter; how we can identify students who may be at risk. I know that's not an easy task but Student Affairs shouldn't be about "being easy." And yes, I don't think we'll ever be able to prevent all of these incidents - but we could at least give it a try.

A lot of schools now have teams of administrators that identify high-risk students and then try to keep up on how they are doing and what we are doing to support them. That's a great start - but what are we doing on the Hall Director and RA level to stop these incidents from happening?

Just this semester, we've had two incidents of homophobic graffiti in my residence hall. I've had roommate conflicts where I was concerned that bullying was involved. I hear students talking about others, judging others.

And what have we done? We've had an anti-bullying program where we asked students to sign an anti-bullying pledge; we later posted those pledges on a bulletin board. I've tried to encourage my staff to have more one-on-one conversations with their residents, to build relationships with every single one of them - some of them have embraced that idea, others still prefer to "send out an e-mail" when I ask them to get a message to residents instead of going out and talking to them one-on-one. *Sigh.

But is it ever enough?

Whenever I read books like that, I can't help thinking about my future children. What can I do, as a mother, to protect them from bullying? How can I make sure that they aren't bullied and that they also aren't the bullies?

The kid in the story was bullied - the teachers and eventually even his mother tried to "toughen" him up and told him to stand up for himself. The teachers thought that if they stepped in, it'd make the bullying worse. And it probably would; but what if the kid isn't able to stand up for him/herself?
I mean, what would you do if your child was being bullied?

I also wonder what makes that difference between one child who's being bullied choosing to commit suicide while another one will turn into a high school or college shooter. Is it their upbringing? Access to weapons? Videogames? Music they're listening to?

I just don't know. But we should know - or at least try to figure it out. And yes, not an easy task - especially considering that many shooters decide to kill themselves in the end - but those who didn't or those we were able to reach out before they hit their breaking point, they need to be our teachers. They have to be the ones we ask; not to judge them but to find out the truth, to find out what led them to doing what they did.

The thing that always shocks me the most when reading Nineteen Minutes is that nobody is really trying to figure out the truth. In the trial, the prosecution is just trying to prove that this kid was a murderer, a monster. The defense is trying to use anything they can find to argue that he was provoced, to create sympathy for him. But the defense lawyer never once asks the kid why he did it; because if his client told him that he planned the shooting, the defense lawyer couldn't lie in court and try to get him off. And yes, I get that's how our system works. But seriously??? If during the trial nobody is trying to figure out what REALLY happen, then who is? And if we don't figure out the truth, then what can we learn from this tragedy?

Fall Break

2010-11-24T19:21:00.002-05:00

It's Fall Break. I've been working but it's been relatively relaxed - and let me tell you, that's been FANTASTIC. It's amazing to actually leave your office around 5 (it was a little after 5 each day, but still close enough). There's so much time left in the day. Monday I went and saw Harry Potter; yesterday I went shopping. Such a change from coming home around 10 pm and being too tired to do anything else!

I did have a LONG to do list and didn't make it through half of it. That means I'll probably be doing some work tomorrow and Friday or possibly go into the office on Sunday; but you know, that always happens. I'm apparently incapable of making to do lists that are actually realistic. Haha. I just thought, three days in the office without meetings with students - I should be able to do EVERYTHING, right? Yeah, not so much. But I did make some good headway on my weekend program and started writing a few of those reports that need to be done by the end of the semester.

I am duty again Thursday through Monday; I was on duty last weekend as well. At least those were the "quiet" weekends of the semester - or so I thought. No, honestly, it wasn't too bad. But we did have a power outage one day and people were completely overreacting. Sometimes I really struggle with understanding where our students and families come from. I mean, when the power goes out, you just wait - what else is there to do? Staff does extra rounds, the police or fire department may do a fire watch. But that's it. I don't work for the power company; I can't fix the power outage faster. I also don't have the power to relocate that many students - that power outage was affecting three of our residential areas. And I loved the comments that if they lived off-campus, there was more that could be done. Yeah right! As if a landlord is going to answer a phone call late at night, or fix a power line, or pay for an expensive hotel for them to stay in! Ha, I remember when we had a power outage at one of my previous institutions; it affected the town as well. On campus, we had the back-up generations running after one night - then they went off again for another night, but then we were back in business. Students living off campus didn't have power for a week. They didn't have hot water. We arranged for them to be able to shower on campus at the Rec. And what did their landlords do? Nothing; they waited because that's the only thing we all can do.

I guess I just don't know how we can get across to students that their expectations are unrealistic. Yes, this is a University campus and we have staff here, so we can help them out a little more; but we can't do and fix everything. I tried to challenge some of the things the students were saying to me, but I don't think I really got through to them. Maybe it'll just take that rough awakening, when they live off campus and something similar happens and there is NOBODY they can even call. Sometimes learning just takes some time, I guess.

One more week...

2010-11-14T21:02:00.002-05:00

One more week until Fall Break (we get a full week off for Thanksgiving). I can't wait. I'll be working for most - no, really all of Fall Break. I'm on duty the weekend when Fall Break starts; then I'll be in the office Monday-Wednesday; and then I'm on duty again Thursday through Sunday. The building stays open, but we anticipate having very few students there; meaning that even though I'm working, it should be a lot more laid back and relaxed. Most of all, I won't have any evening meetings or classes, so when I get home at 5 pm, I'm HOME for good. Yay!!!!

I'm so beyond ready for a break. The past few weeks have been tough. I've just been feeling really drained and I've had a hard time motivating myself. I've still gone to work, put in my usual 9 am until 10 pm days, but I wasn't there whole-heartedly. I've taken more time to myself than usual. Last weekend I went to visit a friend; this weekend I visited another friend and went to a concert. But instead of giving me more energy, I feel drained when I get back and overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do. I'm hoping Fall Break will give me the time to catch up on work, maybe even get a little ahead. And I hope that'll help with my overall level of motivation.

Right now, it's 9 pm on a Sunday night and I should be grading some papers as I'm meeting with some students from my first-year experience class tomorrow and should be able to tell them their grade. I'm not even extremely tired; I just don't "feel" like grading. Maybe I'll try to take a nap and then get motivated again later on. Wish me luck.

More to think about...

2010-10-31T02:07:00.003-04:00

I've been slacking with posting this October, so I'm going to make up for it now... ;)

I've spent the past four days talking with colleagues about self-authorship and how we can get our students to move toward self-authorship. But where are we ourselves in that process? I know there's still a lot I haven't figured out about myself; believes I haven't really evaluated. And how can I expect my students to reflect and evaluate and re-evaluate their believes when I don't do that myself? But then I just get so busy - with work and life and everything - that finding the time to sit down and reflect, really reflect, just doesn't happen.

At one of my past institutions we had to write these weekly reports for our supervisors. The questions were typically how we were doing, what was going on in our building and with our staff - nothing life-altering - but it still made me think and reflect and - yes, I know I'm such a dork - I LOVED it. :) I really miss writing those weekly reports. Ha, if some of my colleagues could hear that, they'd think I'm crazy.

This blog has helped because it gives me that chance to look back and think about things. I'm one of those people who loves to write - and writing often helps me organize my own thoughts and figure out what I really think. I process while writing. And while this blog has helped, I've also really focused on work-related things lately and not so much on me and my own journey toward self-authorship.

So tonight, we're going to switch gears just a little [and don't feel obligated to keep reading; just writing this helps me and it doesn't really matter if someone reads it or not - but I do LOVE getting comments!!!! Hint! Hint!]:

I've been thinking about religion today (thanks to a friend of mine). I'm an atheist - or at least that's what I've said for the past few years when people ask me what I believe. The usual reactions are, "What? Really? Does that mean you really don't believe in anything?" "Hmm, yeah, that's kinda what being an atheist means."

I wasn't always an atheist. I was raised Catholic and for the first 16 years of my life, I went to church once a week, celebrated Christmas and Easter and did all the things you're supposed to do (or at least most of them). My mom is Catholic; my dad's an atheist. But my dad never said anything against religion or tried to persuade me not to believe in God; on the contrary, he always was very supportive of my sister and me going to church with mom and even came with us for some of the bigger holidays. When I was little, I repeated the things you say in church, I learned the stories from the bible - I remember we had this orange children's bible. :) But every once in a while, something happened that made me question if what I was taught was really true. I remember my first confession (I went to a Catholic elementary school and we had to go to confession there) and the nuns were telling us how we would feel so much better after going to confession and asking for forgiveness for all of our sins. I took it really serious (even though I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone at the time) and even made this mental list of what I had to tell the priest. I went there - nervous and excited - and went through my whole list. I was told to say a couple prayers and that God was going to forgive me my sins. I said my prayers and then I kept waiting - waiting for that feeling of relief, that happy and grateful feeling of being forgiven your sins; I thought I would have felt elated - but I didn't. I kept thinking about what had gone wrong. And then it came to me - I had forgotten one of the things on my list. Oh no! So next time, I made sure to mention every little thing. But once again the elated feeling wouldn't come. Was there something wrong with me?

As I got older, I started to realize that I was just saying the things you say in church, following the routines - but that's what it was, routines, words - I didn't actually believe what I was saying. I hadn't ever really thought about whether or not I truly believed in God.

I studied abroad my junior year in high school. My host family didn't go to church regularly, so I didn't either. I didn't miss it. That was one of the years I spent the least amount of time thinking about religion. Out of sight out of mind, I guess.

I returned home to find that my mother gave me the choice if I wanted to continue going to church weekly. I chose not to. Why? There was the extra time on a Saturday evening, being able to watch TV with my dad or read a book or just do "something". There was the fact that I often felt close to falling asleep when actually going to church - hmmmm, let's be honest; there were times I did fall asleep or at least nod off in church. But there was also the fact that I didn't know what I believed and in church I couldn't really avoid that question anymore. As I said the lord's prayer, I would start to actually think about the words I was saying instead of just saying them - and then I felt weird. How could I stand there and say that I believed in God when I didn't know whether or not I did?

Over the next years I spent a few sleepless nights thinking about all that - not many, there were lots of times when religion didn't cross my mind at all (and my life didn't seem to be any worse for it) - but every once in a while these questions would come up. When people asked me what my religion was, I still answered "Roman Catholic" but I often felt like a liar and those questions were some of the triggers that led me to wanting to figure out what I actually believed. For a while, I just couldn't figure out what I believed. I felt like I didn't believe in God, but I wasn't ready to face the consequences or truly let go of something that had been part of my life for so long. But the more I thought about it the more I felt like I liar. How could I go on pretending to be a Catholic when I really didn't believe that there is a God? It had always annoyed me that my grandma, my dad's mother who is an atheist, celebrated Christmas and expected us to send her Christmas presents - she doesn't believe in Christ; she makes fun of my mom for believing in God and gives her a hard time about it - but oh, she wants those presents and that "Merry Christmas!" That's just seemed so wrong, so hypocritical - but was I any better? Faking it even though I didn't really believe in all this anymore - or at least wasn't sure.

Slowly I started thinking of myself as an atheist. And I feel more comfortable with that. I feel like I'm more true to what I actually believe. But it hasn't always been easy....
I still celebrate Christmas. Have I become the same hypocrit as my grandma? I hope not. For me, Christmas is a Family tradition; it's usually the one holiday when I actually get to see my family and get to spend time with them - and that's what Christmas has become for me. I do sometimes feel like a liar singing those Christmas songs - AHHHH - but I'm also not ready to complete let go of this tradition.

And then there are those realities that hit you when you embrace being an atheist - like that there won't be anything for you after death, it'll just be over. I think that's part of why I try so hard to do something good with my life; so when it's all over and I'm just dust in the ground, at least I will have contributed in a positive way to the lives of other people. But it also puts a lot of pressure on you - I only have this life and if I screw it up, I won't get another chance.
Oh and what about those moments when you're just really scared or nervous and you wish you could pray to someone or something for help because you just don't know what else to do? When I first started questioning my beliefs, the times when I was worried or needed help, were the moments when I turned to God and still asked for help - but when I was happy and life was good, I never thought about religion or God. There's definitely something consoling in knowing that there's someone out there watching over you. But I did that because I wanted there to be someone, not because I actually believed it and eventually I figured I was just being a coward and it was time I stood up for what I actually believed in - even if it would suck at times. At least I was being true to myself.

But what did that mean for my relationship with people who believe in God? I struggled. I prided myself in being "open-minded" but looking back I have to admit that I really wasn't open-minded toward people who are religious. And that's not right either.

Now I try to respect people's beliefs. And sometimes I'm a tiny bit jealous because I think I may struggle a bit less with life and all the challenges it throws at me if I truly believe in some higher power. I'm not trying to say that it's easy to be a true Christian (or any religion, for that matter) in today's society because I know it's not the "cool" thing to do and people who strongly believe in their religion and let it influence their day-to-day life don't have it easy either; I guess I just sometimes wish I didn't feel so much pressure to make so much of my life (because it's the only one I'm going to get) and that I could ask for someone's help and not know that in the end I'm in this all by myself. But I can't make myself believe and can't pretend anymore to believe something I don't.

I feel like I'm talking in circles. Maybe it's time for bed. Hmmm, yeah, it was time for bed like two hours ago. Oops.

I hope I haven't turned any of you away by talking about religion - I know it's one of "those" topics. But how can we expect our students to think about it and talk about it, if we don't?

I wish I could end this with some meaningful life lesson but here's the truth: I got nothing. I can only do what seems to right to me right now. But do really wish life was a little easier sometimes. Is that too much to ask for?

Lots to think about...

2010-10-31T00:37:00.002-04:00

I've spent four amazing days at ACPA's Residential Curriculum Institute and now I have A LOT to think about. I was the only person from my institution attending; I'd hoped I could convince a few colleagues to go with me but that didn't work out. I could have waited - maybe given it another year to see if more staff members expressed interest, but waiting and patience was never my strong suit. Besides, I've wanted to go to this institute since I first heard about the residential curriculum at ACPA four years ago and this year I could finally get some financial support from my instituion.

The institute was great. I think I learned more here than at any other conference I've been to. At ACPA and other regional and national conferences, I always struggle with picking sessions; sometimes you're lucky and it's a great session and sometimes it just wasn't exactly what you expected. Besides, I usually end up going to a variety of sessions, so I have all these different ideas and thoughts but nothing in depth or detail. Over the past years, the most important thing for me at national conferences has been time spent with the commission I'm serving on and connecting with colleagues. But this institute - it was just great. Since everything focused on one specific topic, I felt like I really got the chance to think about this, dig deep and look at it from various angles. Sessions were building off each other. At times, I felt like my head was going to explode from getting all this information and trying to make sense of it - and especially figuring out how I could apply that and go about convincing others at my institution to consider this approach. Part of me thinks I need to start little - but how do you start a shift in philosophy on a small scale? But then again, how do I convince people that, even though I just started working there this year, they should listen to me and totally reevaluate what they've been doing. Oh man, I'm getting a headache again. Haha.

I have about a million notes (no kidding!) from this institute as well as handouts and worksheets from various session. I thought about looking through those tonight and figuring out how I can organize them. But then I got totally overwhelmed and decided I deserved a night off and I could start thinking about all that tomorrow - or maybe on Monday; we'll see.

Other than that: I really enjoyed my time away. I love my job, I really do; but sometimes it's just nice to get away. Even if I don't have to work one weekend (and let's be honest, that doesn't happen all that often), you still don't feel like you're REALLY away from work when your apartment is in the building you work in. Even if there isn't a single phone call or knock on my door, I don't feel as relaxed and refreshed as when I get far far away from school. So I've loved being here. It was kind of like the best of both worlds (ha - now I'm going to have that Hannah Montana song stuck in my head for the rest of the night - oh dear, I really need to stop watching Disneychannel...LoL): thinking about student learning and learning outcomes and residence life all day and then coming back to the hotel and relaxing or meeting up with non-reslife friends. That's probably been the best part: I have some friends here that aren't ResLife people (those kind of friends are rare!!!!) and I got a chance to hang out with a few of them. And even though they sometimes ask me about work and I tell them all my little stories, it's so different than talking with a ResLifer about it, you know.

Oh and one of my friends gave me one of the nicest compliments ever... The two of us don't agree on a lot of things (politics, religion, etc.) but we still have these really serious discussions about it and I love those because he really makes me think about things differently or at least re-evaluate my own beliefs. And he said that he likes that I am open-minded and don't make him feel bad for not agreeing with him - and I loved hearing that. I think I mostly loved it because I know that I wasn't always that open-minded. I was one of those liberals and activists who prided herself in being open-minded but then totally wasn't toward people who weren't as "open-minded" as me or didn't agree with me. And that's bugged me for a while and I've been trying to change it. And I know I'm still not there but maybe I'm getting better. Ha. Maybe there is hope for me....

The little things...

2010-10-11T10:19:00.003-04:00

Maybe this is a sign that it's time for me to start looking for different positions and that my Hall Director career needs to come to an end, but I just have no patience for the "little things" that RAs do or don't do. How hard is it to be in the office while you're on duty? We've talked about it during training; I've reminded them during staff meeting; but every time I stop by, I find one RA there (at the most) even though there are two on duty. And how hard is it to turn in a form by the deadline? Deadlines are on the staff meeting agenda; they get e-mail reminders. I mean, COME ON, I'm not running a babysitting service here.

Haha. I'm clearly frustrated. It's just annoying when you have to deal with these little things; I'd much rather spend my time thinking/talking about what our students should be learning from living in the residence halls, how we can better educate them and better prepare them for life after college. Instead I'm forced to talk about the same stupid little things over and over again.

During my last job search, I was looking for mid-level positions; trying to get out of the Hall Director role. But between the bad job market and my immigration issues, I couldn't find anything, so I went back to being a Hall Director. And I still like it - I love the time I get to spend with my students; those informal interactions when hanging out in a lounge, working with student leaders on programming and other initiatives; it's just the little day-to-day things that are dragging me down.

Homecoming and lots of plans

2010-10-04T01:50:00.002-04:00

Homecoming has kept me busy over the past few weeks. A group of my Learning Community students participated in Homecoming events - everything from marching in the parade to chalking cars to making a banner and competing in the Alma Mater Sing and the LipSync. We even had two candidates for Homecoming King & Queen, who made it past the first round of voting but then unfortunately didn't pass the second round. But considering one of them was a first-year students, even just participating was quite the accomplishment (and something I was very proud of) and making it past that first round was simply amazing!!! The candidates tabled and asked residents to vote for them, made fliers and spread the word to everyone they knew. It was proof of how far dedication and commitment can get you; even in a total popularity contest.

Homecoming was beyond stressful (LipSync practices from 9:30 pm until 1 in the morning, running errands, going to events and and and) but it was also a wonderful experience. It really helped me bond with the students, who participated in it. It reminded me of how much fun this job can be. It was great to see the students step up to leadership roles, to take initiative...and now they're excited and are planning things for next year already...and that makes me excited and eager to plan for the future. I know some of them are interested in applying to be RAs and I know they'll be great. Some of them I may be able to retain as student leaders in the community, and that's one of the roles I'd love to make a little more formal. Instead of just hoping that some of the returning community members will step up to leadership roles, I'd like to actually create a leadership position for them to apply to and then hold. I'm still trying to work out what it would really be like (would they get certain privileges or would we make it part of a class they get credit for? how many leaders should we have? what exactly will their job responsibilities be?) but it's given me a lot to think about. I've started taking some notes and I'm going to set up meetings in the next couple of weeks.

I'm also still thinking about the programming model and how we can improve it. I've had some meetings already and would like to continue exploring some options there.

And I recently volunteered to help with some of our assessment initiatives for the department.

All in all, I'm sure not to get bored around here. ;)

Great Conversations

2010-09-18T12:23:00.002-04:00

I've been ridiculously busy but life has been so much better this Fall. And you know why it's been so much better? Because I'm in MY BUILDING and I can get to know my residents.

My staff and I don't always see eye-to-eye. I don't always agree with how we do things in this department. But then there are those moments, when you have a great conversation with a student, and that reminds you of why you are in this field.

The other night, I walked into a lounge and found two students, one an exchange student from Germany, the other an American student, discussing the differences between education systems and talking about what they like about each system. The conversation eventually turned toward economic backgrounds, the pros and cons of having to pay for your education, welfare and much more. I shared some of my experience of having done service and worked with underprivileged students. The students shared their thoughts, asked questions - LEARNING WAS HAPPENING. :-)

Another day, I was in the office and one of my students sent me a message on Facebook telling me that she had made it into the next round for Homecoming Queen. The next hurdle is an interview with faculty. The student talked about needing to prepare for the interview and I told her that she'd do well - especially living in the Global House Learning Community and being interested in global awareness - I mean, let's be honest, faculty and staff LOVE those students, right? ;) The student then shared that she wanted to do doctors without borders after school and we talked about service opportunities here and alternative spring break trips. Students like that just INSPIRE ME - I know they have a great future ahead of them and I'm happy to be a small part of their life.

What a day....

2010-09-10T00:22:00.003-04:00

Today has just not been my day. I was really really tired when my alarm went off (and it won't be any different tomorrow since it's 12:30 am now but I need some good venting/reflecting/blogging or I won't be able to go to sleep anyway). The morning was spent buying ice cream for a program, which led to me losing my parking spot. I wasn't able to find one in the parking lot behind my building (there's ALWAYS one there); so suddenly I found myself driving around campus going, "Where is the nearest employee parking lot?" and realizing that I had no idea. I finally found a spot about a 10-minute walk from my building. Not the end of the world, but definitely a bit annoying.
The rest of the morning/early afternoon was fine, but then I had a meeting that left me feeling a bit disappointed and frustrated. I think I just want too much too quickly. I hate that there's so much politics in our field; shouldn't it all be about what's best for our students?
And after that, it just kept going downhill - running around like crazy trying to catch up on work and things; a program getting out of hands, disgruntled residents, duty issues and and and. I didn't leave the office until 11 pm and then had to go back to do some more work - that's just not cool.

But back to that meeting - because that's what I've been thinking about the most.

I think the first school I worked at after graduating from my master's program has spoiled me; not that working there was perfect because, as those of you who have followed this blog for a while will know; I was often stressed and frustrated and struggled with building relationships with colleagues. But - and I didn't realize that at the time - that school really fit my values and believes - especially the way things were being run toward the end of my time there. There we WERE educators - no questions asked. I thought of myself that way; my supervisors thought of me that way; the department thought of us that way. We were in the thick of student learning.

Here I sometimes get the feeling that not everyone thinks of us Hall Directors that way. It's like I have to justify that I want to be an educator; that I should be an educator. Like working with my learning community here - yes, there's faculty involvement (a lot more than what I'm used to) but that doesn't mean that my role isn't that of an educator as well - in a different way maybe but I shouldn't just be the "fun" person who does some social programs and is just there. I mean, I didn't get a Master's degree for nothing now, did I? Or when RAs do programs - it shouldn't just be about what students "want" - it's about what they need, what's best for them! Could you imagine a faculty member coming in on the first day of class and doing an interest survey asking students what they want to learn in class; and say in a history class nobody says they want to learn about world war II, the professors leaves out that chapter and just focuses on world war I because students seem more interested in that? And yes, I know that's class and this is ResLife; we have to convince students to come to our programs, so we have to gear them a little more toward their interests - but we shouldn't forget over that that in the end, it's about what students are LEARNING. And how do we know what they're learning - or even what we want them to learn - unless we have well defined learning outcomes and strategies and some assessment to see if what we're actually doing what we say we do.

You know what my problem is - there's so much I want to change and make better. And I have this awesome picture in mind of how things should be and I'm so excited and eager to get there, that I forget it's all about baby steps and getting everyone to buy into this.

So step 1) I'll have to really think about our programming model. What's working? What's not working?

And this leads me to a favor - for anyone out there reading this, if you're an RA or a hall director or have ever been an RA or Hall Director - what are your thoughts on what I like to call "traditional programming models"? Pillars, categories; something were RAs are asked to do programs around certain topics, in certain categories.
What do you like about that? What don't you like about that? What made the implementation challenging? And most of all, what do you think students learned in those situations? How consistent was that learning - meaning did student in that one hall that one year learn a lot because they had an awesome RA who just really got diversity programming or did students across campus in all residence halls learn a lot because the model worked for all staff members? What did RAs struggle with when it came to implementing that program? Any thoughts, stories, comments are greatly appreciated!!!

Oh programming

2010-09-08T01:22:00.002-04:00

It's really hard going from a curricular approach to student learning back to a regular programming models with pillars and such. I think I've lived in this little dream world for the past few years where we talk about learning outcomes, strategies and self-authorship and I've forgotten that outside of my little dream world most people still think about programs and pillars and programming requirements. I really struggle with those models. The RAs' focus always seems to be on fulfilling those requirements. No matter how much I try to get them to assess the needs of their community and think about what they want their floor to learn from these experiences, we always get back to those pillars and how it'll fit into one of them. How many times last year did I try to tell my staff, "Don't worry about the requirements! Think about the students' needs first." But when there are requirements, students will think about them.

I can see the same trend here. My staff and I had quite the "lively" discussion about floor dinners and whether or not they should count as a program. In my mind, floor dinners should be happening anyway - everyone needs to eat, so why not eat with your residents once a week. Especially since we have a dining hall in the building! And what would be an easier strategy to build community?
But for the RAs, if it doesn't fulfill a programming requirement, it's not "worth" doing. They forget that there are other sections on their evaluation that talk about community development and the connections that they've built with their residents....

I guess what I really struggle with is the idea of the RA position being this check list:
1) Duty? Done.
2) Programming Requirements? Done.
3) Go to Staff Meetings? Done.

In my mind, the RA position should be so much more. It shouldn't be about what I am required to do but about what will be best for my residents. Yes, maybe I've completed the "required" number of programs already, but if I feel that my floor really needs some education on diversity, I will bring in a speaker or take them to a diversity workshop; maybe we have completed our community development programming requirements but if we haven't truly bonded yet, I'll think of some more ideas to bring the floor together.

And yes, I realize it's hard to think about the RA position that way when you are a busy, over-involved undergraduate. But maybe if we changed some of the structures (e.g. our programming models), we could help RAs think about the potential of their position a little more and strive to really do what's best for their residents.

What a week

2010-09-01T23:30:00.006-04:00

It's been a crazy week - Opening always is but this one has been quite ridiculous. It started last Wednesday. I was in the middle of last-minute preparations for Opening while still going to RA Training all day long, when I got a phone call from my bank. I may have been the victim of credit card fraud!!! WHAT!?!? They asked me to verify these charges and those were clearly NOT charges I'd made. I mean, come on, I'd been in training all day. How would I have time to spend hundreds of dollars at some department store? I'd gotten up early that day to run a few errands - I bought some food at a grocery store, gotten donuts for breakfast and had filled my tank with gas.
It must have happened somewhere there... How does that happen to begin with? How does someone steal your credit card information when they don't have your credit card?
AHHHH!!!! Not that credit card fraud is ever fun to deal with, but of all days....

Opening itself went alright. I only had a few frustrated parents. One of them was quite frustrated though and started yelling at me in front of the entire staff - he continued to yell and complain all the way up the stairs, continued in the student's rooms - and every time I tried to say something, whether it was explaining something or simply answer one of the many questions he threw at me, he interrupted me before I got even half of it out. His wife finally stopped him and said, "Maybe you should let her finish the sentence." Haha.
I guess over the years I've just learned to shrug it off. Parents can get frustrated sometimes; it's nothing personal. You just have to take it, listen and eventually they'll calm down enough, so you can provide them with some options and try to actually find a solution for the perceived problem or issue.

Then the week started and craziness continued. I work with a learning community - usually the community has a faculty director and a graduate student, who work with it. This year, we do not have a faculty director. The grad is stressed but also clings to the community and how it used to be and seems a bit resistant at letting me get too involved (or change anything). The community has also participated in Homecoming for the past years; however this year, Homecoming is a month earlier (end of September) and we weren't sure if we could and should try to pull it off this year. We brought it up to the students and guess what? They're all into it. They don't just want to participate in one or two things - no, they want to do ALL of them (seven all together). So we've all spent the past few nights in Homecoming meetings. I'm having a ton of fun; but it is a bit stressful when you go all day and then have more meetings at night that last until 10 or even 11 pm.

But I love my job again. I feel like me again. I'm excited; I have plans and ideas. Apparently some of my returners are "waiting" to see when I get frustrated - they (or at least one of them) think that changes won't happen in this department and that I'm just wasting my time. But I don't believe it. Everything I've brought up so far has been well received. I still now a lot of the main players here. I am given a decent amount of autonomy in regards to how to run my building. I've gotten to know a lot of students; and even if I don't know all their names yet, many of them say hi to me in the hallways and smile at me. I've also had some great conversations with students already.

I do miss being an academic advisor though; not that I miss those marathon days of having advising appointments, but I like knowing and understanding the general education requirements and being able to answer students' questions. One of my residents asked me today about what classes to take and what his chances were of getting into a class that's full. I could give him some generic information but I don't know all the details. I'm really tempted to spend some time reading up on the gen ed requirements and advising model here. But then again, I have a building to run, staff members to meet with, an area council to get off the ground, two learning communities to worry about and and and; maybe learning more about academic advising here will have to take a back seat for now. I really wish there were more hours in the day.

Cleaning

2010-08-29T21:14:00.001-04:00

Today has been an interesting day. The third day of check-in was slow and I got around to cleaning my office - or at least starting to clean my office. It's been quite a project.
I remember cleaning out my office at a previous institution. I left a nicely typed up piece of paper with instructions where everything in the office was. There was a list of keys with key codes and explanations of what the keys went to and who should get what keys. Okay, maybe I was going a little overboard doing all that but I think it's better finding that than an office where you can't find anything and a pile of keys with a note attached that says, "not sure what those go to." And then I hear students telling me how great this previous staff member was - I can't judge; I don't know him but just as much as first impressions count, it also matters how you leave a place.... And yes, it's not all about administrative work - and it's definitely not my favorite part of the job, but it has its value and especially when you leave somewhere, shouldn't you think about trying to make the transition easier for the next person?

Argh, I guess I'm just tired. I'm not a big fan of cleaning. Haha.

Random thought of the day: It'd be worth being a rock star just because you'd be able to wear crazy but awesome looking outfits. Hehe.

Training craziness

2010-08-21T23:21:00.003-04:00

AHHH, training craziness. The joy of sitting through sessions from 9 am until 5, grabbing a bite to eat before returning for in-area training and then spending the evenings/nights getting ready for the next day where it starts all over again. Never being "ahead" - barely getting things done by the deadline. Yes, that's training.

Being new during training just isn't fun. You kind of know what you're doing but there's all these little details you just aren't sure about. And then you wonder, did they mention it during one of our sessions or in an e-mail and I just missed it/forgot about it? Or has nobody explained it yet? Should I ask that question and who would be the best person to ask? You don't want to be that annoying new staff member that has ten million questions; you definitely don't want to appear incapable of doing this job; but you also don't want to do something wrong just because you didn't ask the question.

My apartment is still a mess. There are boxes that won't get unpacked until after training. My office isn't much better. I've cleared off the desk - somewhat - at least enough so I can work. The chairs are set up, so I can start meeting with people. But don't take a closer look at the cabinets or those boxes in the corner.

There's been a few fun and nostalgic moments - like when I attempted to start cleaning the RA closet (another project we'll need to work on next week) and I came across an Area Council Of The Year certificate with my signature on it. Oh, I miss the students who were in RHA back then. What a blast we always had!!! It was weird putting up my "usual" office pictures of past staff teams (student and professionals staff at institutions I've worked at) and realizing that some of those pictures have people in them that still work here; that are my colleagues again. It's like I've come full circle and I'm back at the start - but I'm a different person now - a little older (hopefully not looking much older...haha) and a little more experienced.

I've also realized in the past few weeks that I LOVE working with graduate students. It's not really a new discovery, but having a year without grads and now suddenly being surrounded by them again and supervising one, I know what I want to do - one day in the far far future. I want to teach in a graduate preparation program. There's just something about working with graduate students - students who are starting to feel committed to this field or at least have a significant interest in it but are still young and looking for guidance. Yes, that is the population I would LOVE to work with. :) I'm really going to try to use this year to hone my graduate student supervisory skills.

I've also realized that books are going to be the death of me. ;) When I start reading a good book, I just can't put it down - even if I have training early the next day. And as soon as I get back from the office - even if it's past midnight - I can't withstand the temptation of grabbing that book, lying so innocently on my table. Sigh, I've once again fallen victim to the power of good authors.

RAs are almost here..

2010-08-12T22:04:00.002-04:00

One more day of training, a weekend of hectic preparation and Sunday throughout the day, my RAs will start arriving. AHHHH!!!
I'm excited and ready for a new semester to start, to really get into it again after training, to start not just making plans but implementing them, but I'm also nervous and anxious - am I ready? Do I know everything I need to know? Training here was short. A lot of it focused on the philosophy behind things - discussions about whether or not gender influences our decisions as hearing officers - deep/intellectual conversations; I loved it; but I'm also not sure if I really know how to do all the day-to-day things. Will I have the answers to all of my RAs' questions?

Working at a new institution always makes me nervous. Yes, I know how to be a Hall Director - after all, I've done for quite a while. But do I know how to be a Hall Director HERE?

Half of my staff are returners. Returners are great because they know how to do the job, they know the institution and can be a wonderful resource for you as a new staff member - but they can also be a challenge! They may not like the way I want to do things; they may not be open to some of the changes I'm hoping to make. They have a lot of influence on staff and may not even realize it. Will I be able to convince them that the way I like to do things works - or that it's at least worth a try? Or will they revolt, grumble about me behind my back and rile the staff up against the changes and things they see as "extra work"?

There's also so much more to do. Read through the training facilitator guide, figure out my own in-area training schedule, unpack the boxes labeled "office", decorate my office - ha, I'm not even done unpacking things in my apartment and decorating my home. When will I find the time to do that??? There's door tags to make, binders to put together and and and....

It doesn't help that I borrowed two books from the library yesterday, bought 15 children's books (I found out the Mysteries series by Enid Blyton is no longer being published; I just had to get the books before I missed my chance; I loved those books growing up; I still love them), and got a new movie from Netflix the other day. Oh and of course I'm going to a concert tomorrow. ;)
When did I think that doing all these things during one of the busiest times of the year was a good idea? Sigh. It's not easy when you try to have a life.

New beginnings...

2010-08-06T18:17:00.002-04:00

I've made it through the first week of training. My apartment is still a mess. When I come home after a long day of training, I'm just tired and I don't feel like cleaning and unpacking. The last couple of days, I've also had some "great idea" related to work and spent my evening working on figuring out a plan to implement that idea.

It's weird being back at an institution that I've worked at before. There's still a lot of people here that I know. I know how some things are done, but obviously there's been a decent amount of changes. I'm worried that I won't realize that something is done differently now and do it the old way by mistake; I'm worried that I won't remember something that I should know. I'm worried that I won't be able to live up to the high expectations people have of me.

But in spite of all that, it's good to be back. We had a session talking about supervising grads; I LOVED talking about research on supervision, theories on how to supervise staff successfully. I've missed this! We had a session on Community Standards and instead of just talking about how to do an administrative conference and what paperwork to fill out, we talked about the philosophy and the history of hearing processes on college campuses.
Of course there has to be some conversation about how to do things, about administrative processes, etc. - but it's great to once again be at an institution that also spends some time on more educational topics, on philosophies and theories.

I've been really inspired lately. I have all these ideas. There are so many things I want to do with my staff and my students; there are so many ideas I have for the department. There are so many things I want to do or get involved in at this institution. I know I'm in great danger of throwing myself into work again and forgetting to have a personal life. ;) But I'm just soooooo excited....

FINALLY!!!

2010-07-30T22:48:00.002-04:00

My H1B was finally approved. Yay!!! You can't even begin to imagine how relieved I am. These past few weeks were rough, but now I can start looking toward the future again.

As often when you spend days/weeks waiting for something, when it finally happens, everything happens so quickly that it feels almost surreal. I had stopped at the post office to check my PO box (I was passing by the town where my new school is) and when I checked my e-mail, there it was...my H1B had gotten approved. How random that it happened when I was only minutes away from the Residence Life office! I stopped by and chatted with a few people. Now, a little more than 24 hours later, I am sitting in my new apartment at my new institution ready for a new school year. :-)

I feel like I can finally start planning again, start dreaming again.

I'm ready for a new experience, a new year - I'm ready to shake some things up.

What I'm not really ready for is dragging all my boxes from the storage unit to my new apartment tomorrow...haha. But that's all part of moving on and change...and we all know I LOVE change. ;)

Not a vacation

2010-07-28T12:21:00.003-04:00

Everyone keeps acting like I am on this long, fabulous vacation. But let me tell you, this is ANYTHING but a vacation.

I don't know how people can be unemployed for a longer period of time; it is driving me INSANE. I'm so sick of waking up in the morning with nothing specific to do. I try to fill my days with hanging out with friends, going hiking, doing this and that - but it's hard to enjoy anything when you're always waiting...waiting for something to happen...waiting for something to end the waiting.

Everything that's usually fun isn't fun anymore. I usually love roadtrips - but after a month of traveling and when you travel without a real destination or end in sight, it's just not fun anymore. I love getting a chance to hang out with friends. But I've been in such a crappy mood that I'm worried about dragging everyone else down. Since I've been crashing with friends lately, I've been trying to be in a cheerful mood, but geez, it's EXHAUSTING. I notice myself falling silent - staring at space not thinking of anything. Who wants to hang out with someone like that?

If I knew that in three days, a week, two weeks, I definitely have a job, a home, something to do, I'd be okay. I have been on LONG vacations before. I was never one of those kids that was ready to go back to school after the summer vacation; on the contrary, I always wished the summer was longer.
I'm good at keeping myself busy. I can read a book and forget about everything around me. But there's some things I just can't completely forget right now....

Ugh, I'm so ready for this waiting to be over.

The adventure continues...

2010-07-24T13:14:00.002-04:00

I did sleep in my car that night. It continued to rain all morning and into the early afternoon and then it got ridiculously beautiful out, as if the weather was trying to mock me. My tent was dry before I knew it. I decided to return to the campground, but instead of staying at the beach, I found a little more sheltered spot further back in the woods. I debated for a while whether or not I should pull out the tent again, but in the end I just didn't want to deal with the hassle, so once again I crashed in the back of my car. With the soft breeze coming in through the open windows, it was actually pretty comfortable.

The next day, I headed to my future home (hopefully) in an attempt to take care of some errands that I probably won't have time for once training starts. Without having time to settle in before training, I want to get as much done now as possible because I know I won't get around to it later. I was also in dire need of new reading material. I'd gotten my first mail in my P.O. Box (the information for my new car insurance), which allowed me to get that library card. I borrowed the first two books of the Twilight saga. It was about time I figured out what this hype was all about. ;)

After that, I headed to a nearby town and a cheap hotel. After a few nights of showering at the campground and crashing in the car, I wanted/needed a real shower. It felt amazing!!! You really do start to appreciate the little things when you're on the road.

The next day the good news came. My immigration paperwork had been submitted. Progress!!! I guess now all we can do is wait and hope that everything will work out. How long that'll take? Who knows! But at least it's a step in the right direction. I'm not so sure though if it'll be on time for training and that still worries me. But as long as they say yes in the end - I guess I can work out everything else.

The joys of living on the road...

2010-07-19T11:16:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting at a Starbucks (free Wi-Fi and I LOVE Vanilla Bean Frappucinos) and am trying to figure out what to do next.

I survived the move. I crashed at a friend's place on the way up, then got a hotel once I got close to my new school. I spent the next day putting my belongings in storage, getting new car insurance (my old one expires today, so I figured this was a good time to switch over to this new state) and taking care of a million little things. Everything seemed to go wrong though. So U-Haul says that they give you a month free storage after you've rented a trailer - "at participating locations." Well, I clicked on the link in the e-mail with this offer and picked the first location. Once I got there, the staff informed me that they did not participate in this program and that it would cost me $100 per month to store my stuff here. What??? Ridiculous!!!! After some arguing back and forth, I gave up and called U-Haul in hope of finding a "participating" location that actually participated in the program. I found one, about a half hour away. On my way, I stopped by the public library. I figured, since I'd be on the road for a while, it'd be good to have new reading material. Well, it would have been.... The library required that you had proof of your address - a letter that was mailed to you, a billing statement, something. Since I don't have a new address yet, I got nothing. :( I guess I'll be re-reading the same four books I've been reading all summer. Ha.
I made it to the storage unit and spent two hours in the sun unpacking the UHaul trailer and moving my belongings into the storage unit. By the end, I was sweaty and gross, but since I hadn't planned on staying here for another night but wanted to drive to the place where the concert was the next day, I had no other choice but to keep going and just I didn't smell too bad. ;)
Next I tried to tackle the car insurance issue. I'd been doing research for a while online, asking for quotes, communicating with various companies. The first one I stopped by, the one who'd given me by far the lowest rate in our online communication, suddenly had a completely different rate. How does that happen? I'd given them all my information! *sigh*
I moved on to the next one. Fortunately, the rate for that one only went up about $30. I guess that 's something I can live with. It was still cheaper than the others.

By now it was 5 pm and I still had a 5-hour drive ahead of me. I jumped back in the car and started driving. I like driving. I love the freedom of the road. I love blasting music, singing along and not having to worry what anyone thinks about me. The first day of a roadtrip is always fun. By the second though, I can feel my butt and my back hurting; I can't find a comfortable way to sit in the car anymore. I stop every few hours, just to get out and move around a little. I spend hours sitting in fast food restaurants, eating my food very very slowly and reading a book. By the third day, I know I need a break. This was day three and while running errands hadn't been fun, it at least gave me that much-needed break.

The next day was then a lot of fun - a concert, hanging out in the sun outside, NOT DRIVING!!! Well, at least not driving until late at night, when I'd decided to put in a few hours in the direction of my next stop - a friend's wedding. I drove until I got tired, crashed at a rest area, and as soon as I woke up, continued to drive.

The wedding was in the evening and since the hotel didn't let me check-in until 3 pm, I barely managed to take a shower and get ready. Once I got back from the wedding (which was wonderful...it was nice to see friends again that I hadn't met up with in a while), I took another shower just because I could. ;) Well and the wedding had been outside and I'd once again gotten kinda sweaty and gross. But yeah, you really start to appreciate showers when you're traveling.

Now yesterday was supposed to be fun and it started out that way. I only drove for a few hours, then set up my tent at the beach (literally on the beach) at a campground. There were a ton of people around (also with tents) and I'm not that big of a fan of being surrounded by crowds of people when I'm on vacation, but I dealt with it and just enjoyed sitting out in the sun reading and relaxing. I got ready for bed around 10 pm. I could see lighting moving toward us from across the ocean - it looked impressive but I started to wonder a little how safe it was to sleep in a tent when there was lighting. But then again, there were a ton of people around - why would the lightening strike my tent (okay, not the best logic but it made me feel better)? What I hadn't even thought about was what to do if it started storming. Oh and how it stormed. I found myself crouching on one side of my tent, holding on to the tent poles in the hopes of stopping the tent from blowing away or falling on top of me. I could feel sand hitting the side of the tent. And then it started to pour. Now my tent usually stays dry (I've been caught in rain a few times before), but this time it was different - the whole tent was leaning over to the side because of the storm; the water was able to get in through the windows on top that are usually covered by the second tent wall - but that one was being blown in every direction and it was surprising it hadn't been ripped off and completely blown away yet. I didn't know what to do. How long could I sit there like this? When would this stop? How wet would the tent get? I really didn't want to get sick again - I'd been sick the last four days in Austria and it had NOT been fun.
I started to throw my belongings in a big bag, so I could grab them, in case I needed to run. Suddenly, an especially strong wind gust hit the tent wall and pushed over my little cooler. Now there was ice cold water and ice cubs everywhere. I decided this was the sign that it was time to give up. I gathered as much as I could carry and ran to my car. Once in the car, I tried to clear my head and figure out what to do next. I should probably go out and take down the tent - at least so far that it wouldn't be blown away and maybe hit someone or something. But before I could get up the courage to go out in the downpour, someone knocked on my car door. It was the guy from the big tent next to mine. He'd been outside tightening the strings holding down his tent and was soaking wet. He offered to take down my tent. I was beyond relieved and could have hugged him at that moment. :) Now I only had to move some of the bags in my car around to create more space and then I could attempt to get some sleep while the rain was pounding on my car.

This morning I woke up at 5:30 am. The sun was coming up and it had stopped raining. I went outside and tried to look at the damage. My tent was a heap of soaking wet material - with my poor air mattress still inside, equally soaked. I sighted and tried to put up the tent again in the hope of getting it to dry. Once I'd accomplished that, I crawled back into the car and tried to get some more sleep. I kept waking up about every hour and looked out to check on my tent. It seemed to be fine and the weather didn't look too bad either - until I woke up at 9 am and it was once again pouring. My tent had also once again decided to collapse. I checked the weather on my phone; it said rain for the rest of the day. Yikes! It was time to just give up and cut my losses. I grabbed the tent and stuffed it in the back of my car. I tried to spread it out as much as possible but even a Jeep Liberty can't fit a tent in the back of it. I just hope it doesn't start molding or something. It'd be so much easier if I had a home to go to where I could set up the tent and let it dry out. Instead I'm not sure what to do next. I've paid for two nights at the campground. I could go back and just sleep in my car; provided I can move the tent over enough to find space for me to sleep. I don't feel like driving for hours and hours, which is what I'd have to in order to get to a friend's house where I could crash for the night.

And I'm still waiting to hear about what's going on with the immigration paperwork and when I'll be able to move in.... It'd be a bit easier to plan the next few days if I knew those answers.

Random Thought About Facebook

2010-07-09T21:59:00.002-04:00

Is Facebook turning us into 5-year-olds?

I like Facebook. Some may say, I'm obsessed with Facebook. I have it on my Blackberry. I regularly update my status. I use it to stay in touch with friends. I use it to communicate with my students (let's be honest, most of them check Facebook more often than their e-mail) and to advertise for events. I also use it to stay in touch with my family and friends in Austria.

But lately, I've been wondering what Facebook does to our maturity level? Facebook makes it so easy to be passive aggressive. Oh, you did something I didn't like - let me de-friend you. Seriously???

I get that sometimes people just end up with too many friends (some may argue, my 778 are too many...LoL) and so they go through and delete the people they don't talk to. Others just want to keep their number of Facebook friends limited, so they know who's reading their information and it becomes more personal. That's cool. But what about those, who after a disagreement, just end up de-friending you? Having those 778 friends, I don't even realize when someone de-friends me. But then - a few months later - I randomly look for this person or go to a picture in which I had them tagged, and I can't find them. I'm confused. I think back of when the last time was I talked to them on Facebook and then I remember - oh, there was that awkward moment/that disagreement/or something along those lines. Hmmmm. Did they SERIOUSLY just de-friend me? Come on, if you got a problem with me, just let me know instead of me finding out months later that you no longer want to be friends on Facebook.

I'm not a patient person

2010-07-09T21:44:00.003-04:00

I've spent the past 10 days hanging out - mostly at the beach. My friends have been at work during the day, so what else was I going to do? The first day, it was amazing. Sun, sand, ocean. What else could you ask for? The second day, it still felt pretty good. But soon, it became routine. I would be stretched out at the beach, trying to read, occasionally jumping into the waves, walking up and down the beach - bored and anxious at the same time. I may have been able to enjoy it more if all the immigration stuff had been figured out (it still hasn't been). Yes, yes, I know, don't worry about things you can't influence. But we all know that immigration stuff freaks me out. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help the anxious, restless feeling. So relaxing at the beach just wasn't really working for me.

So yesterday, I came up with a plan. I need to be in the mid-west on July 17 for a wedding. Yes, I could hang around here and wait to hear more about this immigration stuff - driving to the mid-west for the wedding and then coming back - but it seems to make more sense to just get my stuff now and start the move. The rent on my storage unit is due on the 15th anyway; so why not move now and then just get a storage unit close to my new school. My car insurance also expires in a week; great opportunity to just get a new insurance in the state I'm moving to. And besides, at least I'll be doing something instead of just waiting.

The plan is to get a U-Haul trailer on Monday, pack that day, then leave on Tuesday. I should get to my new school on Thursday. I'll put stuff in my new storage unit, run some errands and in the evening, I'll be heading out again. There's a concert I'm hoping to catch on the way to the wedding. You know - me and concerts - haha. I haven't been to one since I saw Pink & One Republic in Austria over a month ago. I'm going through total concert withdrawal. Haha.

Today was a pretty productive day. I reserved the U-Haul trailer, reserved a storage unit near my new school, got my hair done, had an oil change done for my car (= my home for the next few days/weeks), bought a wedding present for my friend and got some car insurance quotes. It felt nice to be "busy" and "productive" after such a long time of doing nothing. And I'm kind of excited to start a new roadtrip/adventure on Tuesday.

You shouldn't worry about things you can't influence...

2010-07-01T17:38:00.002-04:00

A while ago, I decided not to worry about things I can't influence. Easier said than done. I thought I was doing pretty well. At least better than I had in the past. It's not that I didn't worry at all...I'd go through these phases of panicking, but then I'd tell myself that there really was no point in worrying and that I'd just have to wait and see...and then make the best out of the situation...and I was able to stop panicking and get back to enjoying life.
I was tested quite a bit right before I returned to the US. I just always get nervous when I have to go through immigrations and this time, there were just a few things that I wasn't sure about and I was worried that for various reasons, I may be denied entry into the country. I managed to not worry too much until the night before my flight. That night, I was plagued with nightmares - I tried "not to worry about things I couldn't influence" but how do you influence your thoughts while you're sleeping???
I did alright on the flight for the most part, except the last hour really during which I couldn't sleep, eat, read, or do anything than sit there and worry.

And then I made it through immigrations alright. I had THE nicest immigration worker I've ever met. Usually they seem grumpy, but this one actually smiled and asked some nice questions and we had a fun little chat while he looked over my immigration documents.

I was back in the country *relieved sigh* and thought now everything should be smooth sailing.

Hmmm, not so much. Apparently there may be a problem with me being in the country - in H1B status and in between jobs - and I may have to leave and wait outside of the US until my H1B transfer is approved. They're still looking into it - so please keep your fingers crossed for me that there'll be some way around. After all, leaving the country is easier said than done. That would mean booking a flight last minute, which could cost me up to $1,500. And how do you book a return flight when you don't know what date you'll be able to return? After all, once I've left the US, I wouldn't just have to wait to get the approved H1B but would also have to apply for a new entry visa then, which can also take several weeks. And whenever you ask immigration how long a certain process takes, you just get a vague answer and they basically tell you to wait and see.

I don't know who wrote those immigration laws and I'm sure there's some reason behind all the madness, but they are really anything but "user-friendly."
So you shouldn't resign your job until the H1B transfer to your new employer has been approved? But how do you do that when your current employer asks you to tell them whether or not you're returning for the following academic year in January (and asks you if it's a no that you turn in a resignation letter immediately)?

I wish I'd studied law, so I could go into immigration law and make some drastic changes. Or even just so I understood the whole process better...and also so I knew if my employer is doing something that isn't right. I've recently been telling friends stories about my past institution and one of the most frequent response has been, "Is that even legal?" Oh, if I only knew.... But then again, even if it's illegal, what do you do? You could confront your employer; you could try to get a lawyer and sue them...but then what kind of climate would you be working in after all that (even if you were right) and what kind of job recommendations will you get from there when you decide to leave? Life is really a lot more complicated than I thought when I was 18 and I was excited to be an "adult."

But enough worrying....

I had another random thought today...How do we effectively prepare our staff members to work with a different supervisor? I went through that a year ago when I left my old institution and left RAs who had worked one or two years with me and had overall enjoyed working for me. They were used to my style. They were comfortable with me. We'd talked a lot about change for those two years, but talking about change and going through change such as getting a new supervisor with a different style are two completely different things. And as the leaving supervisor, you can talk with your staff about these changes; you can encourage them to be open-minded, to give new ideas a try, but in the end they're the ones who have to deal with that.
I talked with one of my RAs from this year and once again I became worried about how he'll be dealing with the transition. It's never easy.

I guess all I can do is continue to stay in touch with these RAs - like I did last year - serve as a sounding board but continue to encourage them to be open-minded and to make the most of their experience.

India

2010-06-21T17:11:00.002-04:00

One of the things that was great about my trip to India was that I was going for my friend's wedding. That meant 1) that I would actually get to see an Indian wedding, 2) that I could ask my friend all the dumb questions you may have about another country that you can't always find the answers to (what to bring, what to expect, etc.), and 3) that I was going to be there with friends.

My friend gave us all some tips before coming to India...
e.g. leave food on your plate when you're full because otherwise they'll keep serving you (I guess it's a hospitality thing...they want to make sure that you've definitely had enough so they keep giving you more until you stop eating...my grandparents do that too...they ask if you want more; you say no; they put more on your plate; huh?).
One of the tips was to dress conservatively. My friend was really worried that people would stare at us if we wore "too revealing" clothes (such as shorts or short skirts, low-cut shirts). Now, the people there definitely didn't dress the way we did or would have; at Kovalam Beach we saw families go in the water fully dressed (men and women...even though some men would just wear shorts...women went in the water in their beautiful dresses and saris!!!!) but I'm not sure if it would have been that much worse if we'd been wearing our "normal" summer clothes. I mean, we already got stared at. We were all the way in the South - not a very touristy area. Some of them may have rarely (or even never) seen White people. So we got stared at - no matter what we wore. People asked us if they could take pictures with us. Beggars and street vendors followed us around. Random people would start following us, try to help out (e.g. if we said, we wanted to buy clothes, they'd drag us to the next store - probably someone we knew - then they'd recommend restaurants, etc.) and then ask for money. My friend had warned us not to give beggars any money or they'd all start following around. It was tough. You see these little kids, bony and tired-looking old women and men sitting in the dirt on the side of the road or otherwise coming up to you with their big smiles offering help or trying to sell you cheap touristy trash - and you want to help and you know you wouldn't miss the couple rupees but you also know that giving them money isn't going to fix the problem. You don't even know what they'd do with the money - and even if they bought food with it, it'd keep them fed for a couple days but then they'll be back on the street hungry, asking for money. We need to change the systems that keep so many people in poverty; we need to allow those countries to develop and grow like Europe and the US have and if we go there to "help" we have to teach them to help themselves. But when you look into those big black eyes of the cute girl with the injured foot, you feel like a bitch when you say no.

Updates

2010-06-20T18:50:00.004-04:00

Hello everyone,

I know, I know - it's been a while. You think when you're "on vacation," you'll have all this time to do things - like practice playing the guitar and write your blog and catch up on e-mail. But then things happen and the days just kinda fly by and before you know, you're a few days away before the end of your vacation and you haven't done half the things you wanted to do.

The weather has been miserable in Austria. When I first got here - in May - it rained every single day. I think the only day we got a few rays of sunshine was my friend's wedding day. Then I left for India, where I had 10 days of quite a lot of sunshine (even though it rained almost every day since it was the beginning of the rainy season - but it only rained for short periods of time and it was still really really warm out). Then I got back home and almost immediately left for my grandparents'. That was the only week of sunshine I've experienced in Austria this summer. And yes, it was nice to have some sun but it wouldn't have killed me if it'd been raining. I mean, there's only so much I can do at my grandparents' anyway...rain wouldn't really have bothered me there. But rain really bothers me when I'm at my parents' house. And of course, as soon as I returned to my parents' house, it started raining again and has continued to rain for the past week. So much for hiking and swimming in the lake....

I now have one more week of vacation in Austria left. Then I'm heading back to the US to tie up a few loose ends at my last institution, spend some time with friends and after two weeks pack up my stuff and move.

I've received and signed the official offer letter. We're working on the immigration paperwork (that's the part that always gives me the most headaches...it just always feels like there is so much outside of my control and that they make it as complicated and difficult as possible). At first, I felt relieved but lately the worries about the immigration paperwork have come up again and I'm using my usual tactic of avoidance and denial. You shouldn't worry about things you can't influence, right?

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This summer has really flown by. There's just been too much going on. First my friend's wedding in Austria, then India, then visiting my grandparents, ....

I know I still owe you all a few India stories. I haven't forgotten. Just hang in tight for a few more days....

A few more India pictures...

2010-06-04T18:11:00.004-04:00

Just to tie you over until I get back from my grandparents' house...a few more pictures from India:

Women outside the temple in Madurai. Don't you love the beautiful colors of their saris?

Maybe I should hire them for my next move. With their help, I could definitely fit all my stuff in my car. ;)

Kovalam Beach...no scandalous looking bikinis for them; some men and all women went fully dressed in the ocean.

Don't worry about things you can't change...

2010-06-04T18:04:00.002-04:00

I have a lot more stories to tell you about India but now isn't the right time. It's late and I should be in bed. Tomorrow, my sister, her boyfriend and I are heading to Innsbruck (a city about three hours away from my hometown) for a Pink concert. And I just realized that OneRepublic is one of the opening act. I'm so excited!!!
After that, I'll be heading to the Steiermark, one of the nine provinces of Austria, where my grandparents live. No internet and only two TV channels - yes, that's good old Austria for you. I'll be back in a week and than I should have more time to tell you all about my trip and everything else that's been going on in my life.

A brief job search update: I'm still waiting for that "official" offer. It's a bit nerve-racking. Apparently the international background check is taking a little longer. *Sigh* Everything always has to be just a little more complicated for me. I guess I'd just feel a bit better if I had something official; if I'd signed something...you know. Oh well, nothing I can do and there's no point in worrying about things you can't change, right?

Back from India

2010-06-01T16:31:00.002-04:00

I just returned from India. It's been an adventure, to say the least. :) It was amazing and colorful and overwhelming and sad - all at once. Oh and loud and dirty. Haha. I've started looking at the picture I took - the first one of about 800 you can see here. I'll post some more later and will add some stories about my impressions of India and traveling. But right now, I just need some sleep....

Heading to India...

2010-05-21T02:09:00.002-04:00

Hello friends,

I'll be MIA again for a little while. I'm leaving for India today - one of my best friends from college is getting married in India - and I will have very limited access to internet while I'm gone. But you can be sure that I'll have lots of new stories when I return. :) I may even post some pictures from my trip if you're lucky. ;)

It's been a while...

2010-05-19T06:34:00.002-04:00

...and so much has happened.

One of my best friends from high school got married. She's the first one of the four of us to get married. Yes, it was high time that one of us made the leap. We're 28 after all. My mom had two children at that time. If you'd asked me when I was 10 what I'd be doing when I was 28, I'm sure I would have said that I'd have a couple children myself. But marriage and children have had to take a back seat when you go to college, then grad school and get a job. It's been the same for all of us and it seems to be a trend with my entire high school class.

But when one of your high school gets married, it makes you feel terribly grown up. I often like to pretend that I'm still 22 - 22's a good age. You can get into any bar in the US, you've finished at least the first part of college but you're still considered "young." I don't think I look like 28 either - and I definitely don't feel as I thought 28 would feel.

Back to the wedding: It was beautiful. The first part was on a boat on the Lake of Constance; then we stopped at a church in Germany and the reception was in a hotel in Germany. The bride looked gorgeous, there was lots of good food and there was some dancing - not enough for my taste but what can you expect when you're surrounded by physicists. ;) Haha.

The whole time I had this gnawing feeling in my stomach tough; would I have a job next year? where would I be next year? was I "just on vacation" as I liked to pretend or was I unemployed? We all know it's never a good idea to get on the wrong side of your supervisors - it's a small field and people in Student Affairs talk...would this one "bad-fit" ruin my entire career?

It's tough when everyone keeps asking you, "How are things in the US?" "You're in Florida now? How do you like it?" I gave a lot of vague answers and was glad when I could hide from people and their innocent questions.

On Thursday - the day prior to the wedding - I had gotten an e-mail from one of the schools I applied to telling me to keep an eye open for an e-mail from one of the Associate Directors from that school. Was that good news? It was a bit too vague for me to really rely on it. Of course, thanks to the time difference, there was no e-mail yet when I left for the wedding on Friday. The good thing about weddings is though that they are a great distraction. ;) I managed to barely think about that e-mail...but of course the second I got home, I turned on the computer. And there was an e-mail. It said that they wanted to call me and asked when would be a good time to call to give me an update on their Hall Director search. Good news??? It was still a bit to vague for my liking. Yes, they probably wouldn't call to tell me that I didn't get the job. But you can't count on that. I was trying really really hard not to get my hopes up.

It was a LONG weekend. It also didn't help that it rained most of the weekend and we were stuck in the house most of the time with the exception of a duty round as I like to call them - those are when you walk around town in horrible weather because there's nothing else you can do and you feel the need to go outside. Our family are quite the experts regarding those. LoL.

Monday morning I got another e-mail. The phone call would be coming that afternoon. I waited anxiously next to the phone.

I got an unofficial offer (just waiting for the paperwork to go through HR before it can be made official) and I accepted. :-) I'm no longer unemployed. Now I am really on vacation and I can forget last year...well, maybe not completely because you can learn a lot from the negative experience you've had; even if it's just learning how you wouldn't want to do things when you're in charge. But it feels good to be able to breathe freely again and to look forward to the future....

CRAZINESS....

2010-05-05T03:58:00.003-04:00

The last few days have been insane. I've barely slept; I feel like I haven't stood still since Thursday, April 29. And no, I'm not just being a drama queen.

But let me start from the beginning.

Two weeks ago was Finals Week and we closed on Friday. I always enjoy the beginning of Finals Week. Students are busy studying for exams, the building is quiet (gotta love 24-hour quiet) and work seems to slow down for a second. And then, you hit the second part of the week and the insanity of closing starts.

The RAs have to deal with the majority of the stress. I've always prided myself in being a supervisor who tries to make sure that my RAs are doing well and aren't getting too stressed out. However, this year, I had a hard time figuring out ways to help them. Part of that, I think, is how we do closing here. Each RA is responsible for checking out their own residents - I mean, they know those students and have built relationships with them, so it seems to make sense. Residents also have the option to just drop off their key in an envelope and not have a staff member check them out; staff will just go into their room later to assess damage charges and make sure all their belongings have been moved out. This method is encouraged for students who do not have any damages in their room. So yes, having the RAs take care of their own residents seems to make sense at first. But that also means that Friday - the busiest day for check-out - the RAs are going to be busy all day. I know many of mine didn't really have a lunch break. I also had three graduates who were gone for part of their day and while I tried to help with those floors as much as possible (offering to have students check out with me, being present there on Friday afternoon), it was a challenge.
I'm used to doing a centralized check-out for each building. Staff would set up a table somewhere; once a student is ready to check out, he/she comes down and one of the RAs who is available at the time will go with the resident to his/her room and check them out quickly before retuning to the table. In this model, residents may not get the individualized attention that their own RA could provide, but they also don't have to worry about their RA's schedule. And for the RAs, it means that as their supervisor, I can come up with shifts - making sure that everyone gets a lunch break and maybe even another half-hour break - and it's easy for me as the professional staff member to jump in and maybe do a few check-outs myself.

Overall, Closing went pretty smoothly though. I did end up running around all day Friday - answering students' questions, helping the RAs with damage charges, doing some check-outs. I was also on-call for the campus, which didn't help. And once the residents were gone, it was time for building walk-through's. That took up my Friday night and basically all day Saturday. And then I was swamped with paperwork and knowing that I was leaving soon, I started working on that Saturday night and continued to work on it all day Sunday. I also started packing.

Then, last week, was full of last-minute errands, finishing up tasks, a random campus interview thrown in the middle (it was now or never, so in spite of the insanity of leaving for a day and a half during my last week of work which also happened to be the week after closing = the week of insane amounts of paperwork, I said NOW), goodbye parties, last outings with friends, packing, packing, packing, cleaning and and and. I pulled a few all-nighters and suddenly it was Friday and I was at the airport giving my friend who drove me to the airport one last hug and dragging my ridiculously large suitcase, my guitar and the bag with my laptop to the counter. A few hours later, I sank into the seat in my chair and immediately fell asleep.

Twenty hours later (which included two layovers at airport; a delayed flight which made me miss one of my connections; a very talkative seat neighbor on the longest leg of the flight; and a few hours of well-deserved sleep in very uncomfortable seats), I arrived in Germany where my friends picked me up and we headed to one of my friend's apartments for her bachelorette party. Now, another 30 hours or so later, I'm back in my old room in my parents' house.

These past couple of weeks were so packed with events, so hectic that I never got a chance to stand still and think about anything. I'm not sure how I feel about everything that happened. The fact that I won't be able to walk down to my friend's office anymore just to say hi; the fact that I've really left my old job and am now - UNEMPLOYED???; the fact that I'm back home in Austria. I feel like it's too much to grasp for my tired, exhausted brain. I need about a week of sleep and then I'll be able to tell you what I think and feel.

Saying goodbye

2010-04-28T19:03:00.003-04:00

For someone who has moved as many times as I have in the last 10 years, I really suck at saying goodbye. I just absolutely hate it - because I know what happens. You want to stay in touch; you think you'll still be able to stay in touch. But then it doesn't happen. At first, you call each other every once in a while - then it becomes a Facebook message every few months - a text message on your birthday and then....

I try to stay in touch; I really do. And it works with some people - like my three best friends from Austria - but not everyone. And it's really not because I don't care or because they don't care; it's just hard.

I've gotten so used to seeing certain people on a daily basis but in a few days....

I really hate saying goodbye.

11 more days...

2010-04-26T23:00:00.002-04:00

In 11 days, I'll be sitting on a plane on my way back to Austria. I can't believe it. I've been looking forward to this - I even, somewhat jokingly, started a countdown at the beginning of this semester. But now that it's almost here, it feels like time went by way too fast.

Yes, I'm ready to move on. I know I don't want to come back to this institution next year. BUT I know there are also things I'm going to miss. Some of my students and the student leaders I've gotten to work with this year and most of all my colleagues and friends. One of my friends from grad school lives here and we were both so excited about finally being in the same city; we wanted to do so many things together and it feels like we've only gotten do like a third of them. I've also gotten really close with some of my colleagues. I can't believe in just a few days, I won't be able to walk down the hall to say hi, have a fun little chat, or maybe steal/hide some pictures (yes, I'm the troublemaker in the office...hehe).

I'm still waiting to hear back from some of these schools that I had phone interviews with. Time's running out. There are new jobs that are being posted but I'm not sure how much sense it makes to apply. I mean, I'm going to be out of the country in just 11 days - and how feasible would it really be to fly back to the US just for an on-campus interview. And I know I definitely wouldn't be able to fly back during the month of May because of all my travel plans.

I don't regret deciding to go to all these weddings. For the past few years, I've always put my career first. I've missed countless big birthday parties, wedding anniversary and other important family get-togethers. And what did I get out of it? Not much. I mean, I'm doing alright with my career. There are a decent amount of colleagues that respect me and my work. I've made some connections, have gotten involved in professional organizations. But I've also moved a lot; I have said goodbye a lot - and yes, I sometimes get lonely and then I wish I was closer to my friends and I wouldn't have to miss out on every big moment in their lives. So this summer, I decided NOT to miss out on them for once. Knowing me and this career, I'll be changing jobs a few more times; but these friends are here to stay and I'm not going to miss one of the most important moments in their lives; I couldn't forgive myself for that.

So I'm getting ready to leave. There's so much that I need to take care of in these 11 days - pack, get a storage unit, figure out what to take home and what to leave here, get my hair done (I won't really have the time when I'm home), go to the doctor one more time for some shots for going to India and and and. I'm lacking motivation - as always. ;) I'd much rather hang out with friends, enjoy those last few days in the sun. I'm not going to lie - I'm a bit upset that after trying to move south for so many years, I've only stayed here for not even a full year. I love sun and warm weather. I also love snow and skiing, but I don't like having to go to work in the freezing cold. Oh well, you can't have everything. Maybe moving south was one of those things I just had to get out of my system and now I can move back up north and be happy there. Or maybe I'll be back some day. Who knows.

11 more days...

Exciting and scary!!!

The end is near...

2010-04-20T18:56:00.002-04:00

The end of the semester is always full with "end of the year" this and "end of the year" that - last meetings, programs, banquets, celebrations.

Last night was our RHA Banquet - and it was the one time when I wished I wasn't leaving here at the end of the year. If there's anything I'm proud of this year, it's how far my RHA has come. We've had our ups and downs; there were times when I thought we'd never get to where I want them to be...but having over 30 people attend our End of the Year Banquet, seeing the Executive Board put together the program of the banquet, make certificates, give little speeches...IT WAS AMAZING!!!

I'm going to miss those students!!!!

What else is new? I was very calm about the job search over the weekend and today I've been freaking out again. It's just this restless feeling inside; I get jumpy when my phone rings and I have a hard time focusing on anything. *Sigh.

Other than that? I went to visit some of my old RAs this weekend (staff from the past two years). It was so good to see them. I was definitely spoiled with the quality of RAs I got to work with at my past institution. And it's just wonderful to see them moving on, making the most of their experiences and taking on new challenges. A couple have already graduated and gone on to grad school or law school or great first jobs. Many of them are graduating this year - bright futures ahead of them. I just hope we'll be able to continue staying in touch because my life would be empty without them. And I hope that my RHA members and some of my RAs from this year will be added to list of students that I keep in touch with long after we've all moved on. I've never been this eager for a year to be over but it's still never easy to say goodbye.

Phone Interviews and being on the other side of the table

2010-04-14T19:04:00.004-04:00

I've had a few phone interviews over the last few weeks. There's the school whose department I really like but I'm not 100 percent sold on the job. Then, there's the school where the department sounds a bit like it's a mess but I know I'd love the job. Then, my dream job at what could very easily become my dream school in a fantastic location - but I'm just not so sure how my interview went; I didn't feel that great about it and some of the questions threw me off a little - and of course, there's the fact that I don't have any experience supervising full-time staff yet...but how am I supposed to get that if nobody's willing to give me a chance?
And then there's the job that would be fun, in a department I could definitely be happy in - but they're moving so slowly with their job search that I'm just not sure if I'll even get a chance to go to campus (if offered an on-campus) before I leave for Austria.

And you know, I really really dislike phone interviews. Maybe going through a placement would have been a better option, but a lot of the jobs I'm now applying for weren't even open back then. Hmmmm. It's just that phone interviews are so awkward. I hate not being able to see people's faces and getting some kind of reaction from them. Often times during phone interviews, I find myself rambling on because I just don't know if I've really answered their questions or what they think - so I keep adding little random things in an attempt to save the situation and probably end up making it a lot worse. Argh. If I never had to do a phone interview again, I wouldn't complain. Ha.

I've also spent quite a lot of time on the other side of the table. It's hard for me sometimes to answer the candidates' questions. I don't want to make the school look bad, but we all know that I haven't had the best experience here (I mean, I'm leaving after one year...and that's so not me). So do I tell the truth or do I make something up?

I'm especially intrigued by the interviews of what would be my future supervisor if I were to stay here. There's a lot of great things that these candidates have been saying. But I just can't help being skeptical. Yes, they may want to do all these things, but would they be able to? For example, they may want to support us in having balance, but does our current structure and the leadership's expectation really allow us to have that?

I'll definitely be curious to hear from my colleagues who are staying here what their experience will be like next year.

Just one month left....

2010-04-07T00:03:00.002-04:00

Thanks for all the feedback and thoughts regarding my last entry. It's always good to hear what people are doing at other institutions and what other people's thoughts are.

I guess what I've started to think about more lately is where do you draw the line between expecting a team to work out things and developing strategies or back-up plans. I guess I usually more toward the we-are-a-team-and-we-will-figure-out-a-solution-together side. I don't like having all these procedures and plans laid out. There's value in working through situations together, in learning what it means to be a team member. But are we sometimes expecting too much from a team, especially a team of undergraduate students who may have a lot of other things on their plate?

It's like manuals and policy books. Do we write down every single thing - address every issue we can possibly think of, just to make sure that we're covering all bases OR do we write something a little more vague that can be interpreted based on the situation and forces students to use their common sense and logically think through the reasoning or "spirit" of the policy?

Like with everything in life, I think the best solution is a happy medium. I hate long-winded handbooks and manuals, but I also realize that students like the comfort of having things laid out in details. If we give them all the answer, they're missing out on a good educational moment. We can never address every situation - life just isn't black and white. But of course there need to be some guidelines and procedures we can look to for guidance.

Okay, new topic:

On the job search front, it's starting to look up a little. I have two phone interviews coming up soon. I'm still waiting to hear from another school, where I think I have a good shot at getting a phone interview. But there's only one month left. It's going to be tight.

I go through phases where I'm okay and then I suddenly am completely freaked out. Job searching is way too emotionally draining for me. Ha.

Work has also had its ups and downs. There are moments when I'm sitting around bored out of my mind; and then suddenly ten things need to be done at once and I'm stressed. My computer has been completely messed up and I wasn't able to use it from 9 am until 4 pm today; but then I got a lot accomplished between 4-6 pm today. It's like a roller coaster - no wonder I'm exhausted by the end of each day.

Well, friends, keep your fingers crossed for me that these last month will turn out alright and that things will start looking up on the job search front soon.

Food for Thought

2010-04-02T18:43:00.003-04:00

Here's something to think about (or maybe discuss via comments...I'd love to hear your thoughts on this)...

What do you do when one of your RAs is sick and cannot be on duty that night and none of your other RA can cover the shift? You yourself are on-call for the campus and therefore can't even jump in and help out. (If you could, should you?) You've even called RAs on other staffs and no luck.

What do you do?
Do you randomly pick one RA and tell him/her, he/she needs to change his/her plans?
Do you call all of your RAs and tell them all of them have to pick up a few hours of the duty shift? How do you distribute those hours? Do you just assign them or let them pick? What if they can't come to a compromise? Do you tell the sick RA that in the end it is her responsibility to cover the duty shift or find someone to cover and force her to do the duty shift even though she's sick?

Should we have a back-up plan if an RA has an emergency and nobody can cover that duty shift? What would such a back-up plan look like? Is that even possible?

Lots to think about.

Bad Timing

2010-04-01T20:47:00.003-04:00

I have days when I think everything will be okay - it has to work out in the end and something good will come of all of this; that next year I'll have a job I love (at least 75 percent of the time) and I'll look back at this period of my time and smile. And then I have days where I'm completely freaked out, scared of the future and all I want to do is curl up in bed and never get up again.

I thought I had a lead for a position, a pretty good one. But I applied late and while they're doing a continuous search (so I still have a shot), it may take a while until I get a phone interview (if I do) and then it'd take even longer until I get an on-campus interview. And I'm leaving this country in five weeks!!!! So it's highly questionable if I'll be able to interview before I'm leaving. And yes, there may still be chance that I can interview in June (after the two weddings I'm going to this summer...one in Austria, one in India), but that would mean flying from Austria to the US for an interview - that'd be at least $1,000. How am I going to afford that???

I need to book a flight to go home for the summer - every day I'm waiting, it'll just get more expensive. But I should book a roundtrip flight and I don't know when I need to come back... So I don't know what to do. I thought about booking a one-way flight; but then it'll be impossible to book a one-way flight back in the US (they don't let you book those if you're not a US Citizen or at least owner of a green card); and I can't book a roundtrip flight then because I won't know when I'll be going back home again. It's all so complicated!

But I did get an e-mail about a phone interview for a job today; so that was exciting. I'm not 100 percent convinced that this is the perfect job for me; but it's a job. I may just have to settle this year - within reason because I can't do another year like this one. If that happens, I'll be leaving Student Affairs in another year or two...and I don't want to get there. And who knows? This job may be more exciting than it sounds on paper. I'm going to give it my best try and see what happens.

I actually started looking up majors at the University of Vienna today. I just figured I should start thinking about a back-up plan in case I don't find a job in the US and will end up moving back to Austria. I just don't know what I would want to study...

I wish life was less complicated.

Back from ACPA

2010-03-26T23:04:00.003-04:00

I've only been back at work for two days and I feel like I need another vacation already. It's hard coming back from ACPA with all these new ideas and thoughts and not being able to share them or start working on new initiatives.

Our department is going through a lot of changes; new staff being hired; positions changing. So I get that our leadership wants to wait to make any changes until these new staff members are in place. But what I don't understand is why we can't get some conversations started. We've got talent here, right now...talent that knows our current system, knows what's been working and what hasn't. So why not use that talent to come up with some recommendations and ideas for the new staff when they come in?

I guess part of me just wants to feel that this year wasn't a complete waste. Yes, there's a few little things I've accomplished. One of my colleagues and I introduced the idea of intentional one-on-one conversations to the RA program; we started a new tradition with our area-wide program this Fall; and my RHA is definitely in better shape than last year. But there's just so much more that I think I could do - if they'd just let me. I have so many ideas and thoughts.

*Sigh. I guess I just have to accept that there's only so much I can do.

On a completely different note - what are everyone's thoughts on NASPA and ACPA consolidating? That was definitely THE topic of ACPA this year. We talked about it with the Commission for Student Involvement (that I just joined); we talked about it at the Commission for Housing (I'm an outgoing directorate body member); there were consolidation meetings (I attended one of them); it came up during other sessions and speakers.

For those of you who haven't heard much about consolidation yet, here's a great Web site to get you started: http://www2.myacpa.org/au/governance/unification.php

And here's what I think...
I think consolidation is a great idea. There's so many advantages: we'd have a stronger voice in Washington if we've got only one professional association; we could cut down on some of the redundancies in administration and services; as a profession we'd be more unified; and let's be honest...it just makes sense. I get that there's a lot of history in both organizations, that there's some significant differences between the two (based on different philosophies and beliefs)...but come on, we are Student Affairs - shouldn't we be able to collaborate, to compromise.
I liked that, at all these consolidation meetings, they talked about not wanting to combine the two organizations or pick things from each but to think about what the perfect Student Affairs Association would be like and to create that. It's a chance to use all that we've learned in these two organizations, put our best minds together, and create something new and exciting.
I understand that people have a lot of questions: What will conventions look like? What will regional/state association look like? What about our commissions/standing committees/knowledge communities?
And to be honest, I don't think we'll have all those answers. Yes, there are subcommittees assigned to developing plans and to brainstorm ideas. But not all questions will be answered when the membership will get to vote on this. And even if they were...don't we all know that sometimes you just have to come up with your best idea, try it out, and then reflect, revise and go from there. We may not come up with the perfect solution for national convention the first time around; but after a few years, we'll know what works.
Change is never easy. But I also think nothing is as exciting as change, as the opportunity to create something new, to figure out how we can best serve our professionals and through that our students. We are one profession; we should have one professional association.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

2010-03-20T12:34:00.003-04:00

So the whole not-thinking-about-jobs while at the convention didn't really work out. I got an e-mail yesterday letting me know that while Semester at Sea thought I was a great candidate and would bring a lot to the program, the position was offered to someone else. I can still be an alternate - and they definitely encouraged me to apply again - which all sounds great but doesn't really help me much right now.

I'm trying not to panic but it's hard. I have a month and three weeks left and then I will be leaving the country. If I don't get a job by then, how am I supposed to search while traveling in Austria and India? Maybe this is the end of my time in the US. I didn't want it to be that way; if I wanted to move back to Europe, I wanted it to be MY choice.

Oh well....

I went to a concert last night (ha...big surprise there). One of my former RAs - now working full-time but still pursuing her dream as a singer/songwriter had a show. And it was amazing! Seeing her and another former RA, who'd come out to the show, reminded me of all the reasons why I love working in Student Affairs. I'm not ready to give up yet. I'm going to fight....

[If all the other places I've applied to could at least get back to me and maybe give me a phone interview; it's hard to fight when they don't even give you a shot...]

ACPA

2010-03-19T01:14:00.002-04:00

I'm heading to ACPA tomorrow morning. Our flight leaves at 6:45 am, so I should really be in bed by now...but as always, I left packing and cleaning the apartment to the last minute.

As I've mentioned earlier, I'm not going through Placement this year. I'm starting to question if that was a good decision because I'm not hearing back from any of the institutions I've applied for and I wonder if they'd give me more of a priority if I was going through placement. But then again, I just really didn't want to spend the money and I'm trying to do a pretty selective search. My friends keep telling me that it'll all work out in the end and I want to believe that, but it's hard sometimes.

But I've decided that I'm not going to let job searching stress me out while I'm at ACPA. I'm just going to have fun and make the most of the convention experience. I'm excited that I'll actually be able to make it to commission meetings and programming sessions.

And I'm really interested in going to the meeting about the NASPA and ACPA Unification. What are everyone's thoughts on the unification?
I think it'd be great. I never understood why we need to have two organizations. I realize both of them have different histories and the leadership doesn't agree on some things; but shouldn't we, as Student Affairs professionals, know how to collaborate and how to come up with some compromises? And how much easier would it be for new professionals (or any professionals really) if they could just become a member of ONE organization? Financially it makes sense; it'd give us a stronger voice as a profession. I really can't see any negative aspects of this unification.

This and that...

2010-03-15T00:38:00.002-04:00

We have moved. :)
I was definitely the last one to finish packing - half an hour after our office closed on Thursday. But guess what? I was the first one DONE with unpacking. That's what happens when you pack very strategically, know exactly what's in each box and where it goes...and of course, when you take about half of your belongings home. Having less than two months left in this job, it just didn't seem to make sense to pack/unpack now and then pack again in a few months...so half of my books went into boxes that were then brought back to my apartment and will now sit here until I move them to a storage area or wherever else I'll find a place to store things over the summer.

I'm starting to panic a little about this whole job searching thing. And part of me is just mad that my well-formulated plan didn't work out. I left my job last year not just because after three years it was time to move on but because I knew that this spring/summer wouldn't be a good time to job search. I knew there'd be a couple weddings in different countries in my future and I wanted to be able to just take a month off work and fly to all these weddings and then return to my job. My friends even asked when good times for their weddings would be and I asked them, if anyhow possible, to have them earlier in the summer since we all know the last few months of the summer are filled with training and opening for us ResLifers. And they did. Everything would have worked out perfectly!!! I would have left in early May for a month of vacation; I would have been able to leave my car and all my belongings here; and then return to my job in June - still able to work on some summer projects, help prepare training and then be ready and rested for a new academic year.

But then I came here and everything went wrong. And now I have no idea where I'll be next year. I can't book my flight home because I don't know when I'll need to come back or if I will even come back; and we all know flights to Europe get more expensive the longer you wait. I don't even know if I'll have a job offer before I need to leave for the summer; and how am I supposed to continue searching/interviewing when I'm in Austria and then India.

When did everything get so screwed up? The only small consolation is that no matter how difficult life is right now, the one thing I do not regret is turning in a resignation letter.

Moving to a new office

2010-03-10T20:24:00.002-05:00

We're moving to a new office. Our department has been in a modular unit for - I'm not sure how long, longer than I've been here - but now we're moving to a newly renovated office. So this past week has been busy with packing. Well, it should have been busy with packing, but let's be honest - I didn't get around to packing very often. I just had too many other things going on - RA Interviews last week, 1:1's with my RAs, meeting with residents to follow up on incidents, two administrative hearings, NRHH applications and and and. The movers are coming Friday, which means I only have one day left to pack. And I have a ton of meetings tomorrow. Oops. That's not going to be good. Wish me luck!

I'm waiting...

2010-03-10T01:03:00.003-05:00

The worst part of job searching is the waiting. First, you find that job posting and you submit your application. Then, you wait. You wait for someone to respond and tell you that they've received the application - sometimes that doesn't even happen. Then, let's say you get an interview. You have your interview, then you wait again. You're waiting for them to contact your references or let you know whether or not you're going on to the next round. If that happens, there's more waiting before an offer may come your way.
This waiting can be a few days, a few weeks or months. You never know. You don't know if offers have been made to someone else or if they're just running behind with the process. You don't know if you should start applying for other jobs. Yes, you can e-mail/call and ask where you're at in the process, but you don't want to be that annoying candidate who calls every few days. So you wait....

And then what???

2010-03-06T03:22:00.003-05:00

In exactly two months will be my last day of work here. And then what???
I have no idea. I'm starting to panic a little. Yesterday, one of my RAs from last year stopped by for the night. It was so nice to catch up. I hadn't seen her since she moved out of our building last year, the day after graduation. It's not that we didn't want to get together; it just never worked out. And now - in just two months - I'm leaving the country and I'm not sure when I'll be back and where I'll be. We talked about wanting to meet up again before I leave. And I really really want to. But there are so many people I want to see before I leave and there's only two months left - and two months that will be filled with work.

I'm not good at saying goodbye. But in Student Affairs, that's what we do. Every year, some of our students graduate and move on. And it's exciting to see them go out in the world and make a difference. But it's sad to see them leave, knowing that you won't be able to just walk down the hall to see them, knowing that as much as you'll try to stay in touch it will never be the same. And every few years, we move - especially at the beginning of our careers. And then we have to say goodbye to everyone, students, colleagues, friends.

I really don't like saying goodbye.

But even more than saying goodbye, I hate the not-knowing. Not knowing what job I'll have next year, not knowing where I'll be. How are you supposed to make plans for the future when you don't know what you'll be doing or even what country you'll be in? And we all know I like making plans. ;)

To Have A Life or Not To Have A Life

2010-03-01T23:03:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the mini blogging hiatus; I've been swamped at work last week (Homecoming Week - and here Residence Life has a Homecoming Team...hmmm, yeah, interesting, right?) and then I was away for the weekend.

I went to visit a friend from grad school and it was amazing!!! I got in the car, ready for my 6-hour drive - new roadtrip CDs, snacks and water - and as I merged onto the highway, I felt a rush of gratitude for the opportunity to leave campus and "have a life." I love being on the road; nothing compares to that feeling of freedom and independence that I get when cruising along in my car blasting music and singing along. I love the peacefulness of driving at night, hardly any traffic, just you and the open road. :)

Two days later, I had to turn around and come back and as soon as I got back, I got sucked into the stress and craziness of day-to-day life. It always feels worse when you get back from a mini-vacation. Partially probably because you just had that wonderful free time and independence - you were in a place where no resident can knock on your door late at night and where you can finally separate your personal life from work; partially it's because you were gone for the weekend and didn't do any work at all, so now you're behind and everything that needed to get done has to be completed now. Just checking your e-mail after a long weekend away can crush anyone's spirit.

So what do you do? Do you have a life - realizing that whenever you come back to work, the stress and craziness will be worse than ever? Or do you give up on a life and just work steadily and constantly, avoiding hectic times?

And on another note: I still haven't applied for those jobs. I'm starting to get this panicky feeling in my stomach whenever I think of job searching or hear the word job search or when someone asks me where I'll be next year. It's after 11 pm now (I got back from a meeting, then had to check in with a resident quickly and now I'm finally back in my apartment) but sleep will have to wait until I write at least three cover letters tonight.

Job searching truly is just like another full-time job and right now I really don't have the time for another full-time job. But unless I want to move back to my parents' house in Austria, I need to get on top of this job searching. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

Job Search #3 - Update

2010-02-20T23:25:00.002-05:00

I figured I should probably update all of you on my job search. Well, to be honest, there isn't much to update you on. I'm having a hard time motivating myself to job search, to write those resumes and cover letters and send them, to look for jobs online. I'm not going through placement this time around - I just really didn't want to spend the money; and I'm searching pretty selectively, so placement just didn't seem like the best option.

I'm still waiting to hear from this one job opportunity that I'm really really interested in. I know that I can't count on that though and that I should be applying for other jobs but when I get home at night, I'm tired and lazy and I just don't want to deal with this. Some days I daydream about just taking a year off and traveling. Or maybe doing some service thing for a year - preferably abroad. I mean, I want to see the world - I want to make a difference. I'm antsy and restless.

But I need to be realistic. Yes, I have some money saved and could probably survive for a year without a job, but do I really want to use up all my savings. I'm a little young to that, aren't I? And how much harder will it be to get back into the job market if I've been gone for a year, especially considering my usual visa issues and that I'd probably have to do my next job search from outside the country.

No, it doesn't make sense - logically - to take a year off but that doesn't mean I can't dream...

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

2010-02-18T18:58:00.002-05:00

What do you think??? Chicken? Egg?

Why am I bringing this up? Well, I've been wondering lately - what comes first? A well-functioning, strong RHA or an adequate RHA budget?

My RHA doesn't have a lot of money. We get less than a dollar per student living on campus. The average RHA in this area gets $14.50 per students; $9.50 of that being provided by their Housing department. Or let's look at it this way: We have almost 3,000 students living on campus. My budget is less than half of that of another school that has 300 residents.

Why do we have such a small budget, you may ask... Well, I've been told that it's because we haven't had a very active RHA. Last year, most areas didn't even have an Area Council for the entire year. At the end of last year, only three students ran for RHA Executive Board Elections.
We've come a long way since that. Every area currently has an active council that's planning events and has representation at RHA meetings. I have a full RHA Executive Board. I have students who have already expressed interested in continuing their involvement next year, Area Council members who want to take on RHA Executive Board positions. We've attended two state conferences (last year, RHA went to none) and the only reason we didn't go to more was because we couldn't get the funding, not because students weren't interested.

But where do we go from here? I still get to hear the argument that our RHA needs to grow first before it'd be justified to give them a larger budget. But how can my RHA grow without getting a larger budget first? Students are trying but how can they accomplish much with so little funds? Yes, the RAs program more - there's even an RA committee for campus-wide programs - and yes, part of that may be because the RAs have more programming experience, but they also have a larger budget than my RHA. And what incentive is there for students to get involved when you see RHA being such a small organization with a tiny budget? Conferences get students excited about RHA and can often help get new students involved or train current members to become effective and strong Executive Board members for the next year - but without funds we can't take them to any bigger conferences!

I just wish I had a decent conference budget, some more programming money and some money toward incentives for RHA Executive Board members (if that's a reduced room rate, a small stipend for their office hours - wait, I'd have to have an office first - or even something as small as RHA Executive Board shirts ... just something to let them know that we value and appreciate them).

So I guess to answer the question - I believe you need to have a decent budget to build up an RHA. Now is the budget the chicken or egg? That's for you to decide.

Sleep Deprivation, Support and Feedback

2010-02-17T01:16:00.003-05:00

I'm tired. No, I'm not just tired; I'm exhausted. I wake up every morning wishing that I didn't have to get up and go work. I sit in the office all day day dreaming about going back to my apartment and curling up in my bed. I come home and all I want to do is take a nap but I have meetings and errands. I fall asleep while still trying to accomplish a few more things - like last night when I found myself passed out on the couch with my laptop and my guitar next to me. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.
Weekends are usually when I catch up on sleep - but I haven't had a real weekend in a while. There is always something that needs to get done on the weekends. Last weekend, I went to an RHA conference. We left Friday at noon and got back Sunday afternoon. And then Monday, I had to get up early to drop off the van before 9 am and then go back to the office.

My NRHH is starting to become more active; and I'm super excited about that but that adds another meeting to my evenings. I'm now up to at least one meeting every night - more than one some nights.

RAs have now asked to have more professional staff presence at Homecoming practices - we have a flag football team, a lip sync team, etc. So tonight, I ended up going to the lip sync practice and it was fun but now it's 1:30 am and I haven't practiced playing the guitar yet, haven't done the dishes or cleaned the apartment and tomorrow at 9 am, I have to be back in the office.

Oh and have I mentioned that I've had a really bad cold for the past week? But how do you get better when you don't have time to relax, sleep and drink tea?

I'm not even sure if this post makes sense; I'm just rambling. Ha.

But I've been thinking about support lately. What does it mean to support your staff? How do you yourself want to be supported?

To me, support means that a supervisor will listen to me, let me vent, process and problem-solve. It means that a supervisor will help me find balance in my life. It also means that a supervisor will respect me and give me the feeling that my work is appreciated. When I spend countless hours at night and on weekends working on things, I want that to be recognized - instead of being told that maybe I should do more.

I'm not sure what support to my RAs means. I've been trying to find out.

When I ask for feedback, I often get suggestions about changing things on a departmental level - I'm not in a position where I can make those changes happen. Or they want to get rid of a certain initiative or program - something that I and the other professional staff members believe in, something that we know will benefit our residents if executed well...something that just isn't going away. But when you listen to a staff member's feedback and then have to tell them that the change they want won't happen, will they still feel supported and understood? I try to explain. I try to give reasons. I'm not sure I'm being heard.

How do you support a staff that won't give you real feedback? RAs here have the opportunity to give anonymous feedback about their supervisor at the end of the year. I realize it's easier for students to give anonymous feedback - they feel more comfortable and are willing to say more - but is that really helping our department or teaching them anything? In what real job will they be able to give anonymous feedback? Wouldn't it be better if we taught them how to give feedback - in person, directly? And then, if I got that feedback from the RAs directly, we could talk about things, work through these problems, come up with compromises and solutions. When I get the anonymous feedback - especially when half my staff says one thing and the other half the exact opposite - what am I supposed to do with that?

Oh, I'm so tired - not just physically, emotionally/mentally - I'm just drained.

80 more days. And as much as I have no clue what will happen after - if I'll have a job or not, if I'll be returning to this country next year or not - I can't wait. It's gotta get better. It just has to.

In 80 days, I'll stop being tired!!!

The good old days

2010-02-09T00:49:00.004-05:00

One of my best friends is getting married this summer (actually two of them are - in two different countries - so there's definitely a lot of traveling in my future). Anyway, what I meant to tell you before I got sidetracked was this...
One of my best friends is getting married and since I'm in the bridal party, she asked me to send her a picture and blurb for her wedding web site. She wanted me to talk about how I know her.

Writing that little blurb brought back so many memories. We met as Residence Hall Association delegates from two different halls. We both were on the delegation for the regional conference that Fall, which was hosted at our school. Hosting a conference is exciting but being on the delegation kinda sucks. You don't get to stay at the hotel with the other delegates but are usually staying in your own room. There is no fun van-ride to the conference, no late-night adventures. All the focus is on hosting the conference and the conference staff; all the outstanding student leaders are on the conference staff. So the delegations often consist of just a group of wide-eyed first-year students that have no idea what's going on. At least that's what my experience was like. [Don't let that turn you away from hosting a conference though, if you've been thinking about that. I still think hosting a conference is an amazing experience; one of those once-in-a-lifetime kind of things that you'll never forget; life-altering for sure!] So while we met on the delegation, we didn't get "that" close. We saw each other throughout the year, had some friends in common but that was about it.
However, sophomore - or really starting the end of our first-year - was a different story. We went to the national conference together - this time we got the "whole" experience; a week of preparations on campus after the school year had ended, then a flight, staying in a residence hall together (we were roommates), extra days with fun activities. We had also both applied to be RAs and that time we already knew that we'd been hired and would be on the same staff together.

It still took us a while to become really really close friends. We were both overinvolved - me, editor for the student newspaper; her - president of a student organization she'd started. We organized programs together, saw each other at staff meetings, had fun when we were on duty together - but outside of "RA" life, we often went our separate ways. Funny enough, it took a separation for us to become really really close. When she studied abroad second semester, we stayed in touch. We e-mailed, chatted online and suddenly we were best friends. And when she finally returned to campus our junior year, we were inseparable. We came "as a package deal," as one of our friends once said. Together with that friend, an RA from another building, we were known as "The Three Musketeers."

This friendship is definitely one of the most treasured memories from my RA experience. And how much did we learn from each other!!! How I loved our diverse little group! Me from Austria, my best friend from India and our third friend, the Puerto Rican. We were "diversity." And we talked about diversity. We educated our residents about diversity.

But as much as I loved those days, sometimes I look back and I am saddened by the missed opportunities. Yes, we did a good job as RAs. We knew our residents; we built relationships. We did a relatively good job enforcing policies and making sure everyone was safe in our community. We programmed - more than we had to; that's for sure. But how much more could we have gotten out of our communities if we'd been a little more intentional? If someone had told us to have meaningful one-on-one conversations with our residents... If we hadn't just done random programs but actually thought about what we wanted our students to learn, what sequence of learning would make sense.

Oh, how I sometimes wish I could go back to being an RA, to do it all over again - but so much better this time. But one thing is for sure: I'd still make sure that the two of us became best friends.

Highs and Lows

2010-02-08T00:59:00.005-05:00

It's Sunday night and I should probably be in bed but there's still too much I need to get done before I'm ready for the week to start. We all know once the week starts, I'll have hardly any time for a personal life...and even when I have the time, I'm too tired to really do anything. Sometimes I feel like this job sucks the soul out of me. It's like a big bad dementor...haha...I've been reading too much Harry Potter. ;)

Anyway, so this weekend was pretty amazing. :) Two of my friends and I hung out Saturday night. I cooked dinner, then we went to a concert and afterwards we came back to my apartment and had brownies and ice cream. It was pretty much the perfect evening. I wish more evenings were like that. It's just nice to be able to laugh and talk and have a good time. There hasn't been enough of that this year.

I spent the rest of the weekend reading Pride & Prejudice. I absolutely love that book and have read it several times. Usually I relate more to Elizabeth Bennet but this time, I felt like Mr. Darcy and I have quite a lot in common. And whenever I read it, I feel like talking in really fancy English and saying things like "I'm ardently in love with you." I tend to lose myself in books and forget everything around me.

But today, reality sucked me back in. I had a meeting and then a Superbowl Party. Me and football = yes, quite ironic. I wouldn't mind it so much if I hadn't felt forced into hosting this program whether or not I wanted to. I've hosted Superbowl Parties in the past; I even watched it a few times with friends; but this year it just really bothered me that I had to do this.

Well, I should get going. I still have to respond to an e-mail and get some stuff together for work tomorrow. The week hasn't even started yet and I'm already tired. Is it the weekend yet? ;)

This and that

2010-01-28T00:40:00.003-05:00

I wanted to blog tonight but I can't decide what to write about.

We've been doing interviews for an ACUHO-I intern and I've struggled with answering some of the candidates' questions. I mean, you don't want to give them a wrong impression about what the internship and the institution is like - but you also have a responsibility to the institution of presenting it in a positive light - and just because this isn't a good fit for me, doesn't mean it won't be a good fit for someone else.

I read the blog of a former student and it really touched me and made me want to cry.

I've been struggling finding time to do the things I enjoy doing - my free time just seems to be non-existent. I started taking dance lessons and I've been trying to go anywhere between two to four times a week. But often that means skipping a meal, so I can squeeze in the dance class between work and meetings. Then I end up snacking throughout the evening and stuff my face with chocolate late night, which kind of defeats the purpose of working out, messes up my diet...and I end up stressing over gaining weight again.
I also don't seem to be able to find time to study for the GREs and I'm starting to think it's more and more unrealistic to take those at the end of April before I leave the country. The last couple days, I didn't get around to studying until after 11:30 pm - and then I'm so tired (since I've started getting up at 7 am, so I can go running prior to work) that I can't concentrate. I've been falling asleep with my glasses on and the GRE book in my hand.
Oh and let's not even talk about me trying to find time to practice playing the guitar.... maybe this summer or next year, I'll actually be able to focus on that.

I had a conversation today that really upset me. I know I shouldn't take things so much to heart - especially when they come from someone who doesn't know me and clearly hasn't taken the time to get to know me as a professional. But it hurts. My dear grandma always said that wrong accusations don't hurt - sorry, grandma, but you're wrong - they hurt; they hurt A LOT.

A Vice-President of Student Affairs once shared a technique about how he makes sure that his work fits his values. He said that he values spending time with students - even at a high-level position such as the VP of Student Affairs. So he regularly looks at his calendar and checks how much time he's spending on administrative tasks, how much time he's spending with professional staff and how much time he's spending with students - and if there isn't enough time he spends with students, he knows he needs to change something.

I value student learning and development; I value being cutting-edge, trying new things, working toward improvements and changes - but there isn't any time on my calendar that's focused on that. There isn't time in meetings that we spend talking about these things. We talk about facilities, about administrative processes. And I want to change that but I don't know how....

Dumbledore (shout-out to all you Harry Potter fans out there! I just re-read all HP books; even the 10th time, they're just as amazing as the first time I read them) - he said, "Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young." I hope when I'm in a leadership position in a Residential Education department I'll remember how it felt to be an entry-level professional. In the end, Harry was the one who had to save the day...Dumbledore was there to guide and lead him but Harry was the one on the front of tandem bike (yay, learning partnership model!) - I never want to sit on the front of that bike.

I could do with a hug right now. I have friends that I can vent to. But who wants to be that person who always just vents and complains - nobody would want to be friends with someone like that.

So on to happier things....

My plans for the summer are starting to take shape. It'll be a whirlwind of all the things I love to do - quality time with my best friends in Austria...iced tea, girls' night...a wedding...then a trip to India...quality time with friends from undergrad...traveling...another wedding...new experiences.
I still can't believe it....what am I saying - "it?" - there are so many things I can't believe.

My friends are really getting married? Shoot, I'm getting old. Ha. I remember when we were in elementary school together - well, the bride's hair cut hasn't changed much since then (haha...just kidding...I love you!)...it feels like yesterday and also a lifetime away.
And I'm going to INDIA!!! I mean, how freakin' cool is that? Just saying. ;)

Awww, is it summer yet?

The joys of moving

2010-01-24T22:07:00.002-05:00

In our field, we move a lot. It's considered getting a well-rounded experience when you move to different regions, work at different institutions. Yes, there's some people who stay in the same region - some even at the same institution - but many of us, especially as new professionals, move around.

I never minded much. I like traveling - so moving to a new region is kind of exciting. :) But it has its downsides, on a personal level it makes it hard to stay in touch with friends or build really close friendships, there's also a lot of random crap you have to take care of every time (like getting a new driver's license, etc.)... but even on a professional level, it can have its drawbacks.

I'm preparing an RHA delegation for our upcoming state conference. But my RHA is relatively new; my NCC is new; they didn't go to a conference last year. And I've never been to a state conference here - I've never even been in a region that has state conferences. So while I have a lot of RHA experience, I don't really know what to expect here. Is there a roll call? A banner competition? How much do schools get into this conference? How much do they dress up for the banquet? Who knows!?! I've tried to get my NCC to connect with the NCC from our partner school - but I'm not sure she's followed through on that yet. I've e-mailed the conference staff with a few questions but I know they have a lot of other things going on right now, so I don't want to bug them.

I mean, we'll figure it out - but it's just so much harder when you don't know the region. In grad school, I helped a really small RHA grow and took them to their first conferences. But that was in my home region - that's where I knew what to expect and what to do to prepare them - ha, we even managed to win the banner competition at our very first conference.

Yeah, moving can definitely make things harder. And let's not even get me started on the joys of packing and unpacking....

Job Search #3

2010-01-20T00:06:00.003-05:00

I've mentioned that I have come up with the "perfect plan" for my life - or at least the next few years. I didn't want to go into detail back then because I hadn't told people at work yet - but now it's official; I turned in my letter of intent - so now I can fill all of you in.

I've decided to leave my current institution at the end of the year. It just wasn't exactly what I'm looking for - professionally and personally. I always questioned if there is something like a "good fit" or the "perfect fit" - well, I'm still not sure if the "perfect fit" really exists but there's definitely not good fits.

So here's the plan. I've applied for Semester at Sea. If you don't know what that is: it's a floating a university; a university on a cruiseship that travels around the world. Students, faculty and staff - everyone lives on the ship. You stop in various countries and get a couple days to explore those.

I love traveling; I've started to get antsy. I used to travel more when I was still in high school and my family and I would go on long trips during every school break. I miss that. I want to travel again!!!

And then I really Semester at Sea's philosophy of working with students. I mean, a job description that talks about student learning and development, learning outcomes, continuously improving programs, .... I mean, doesn't that just sound like the perfect job for me?

I'm so nervous. I really really really want to do this!!!! So please keep your fingers crossed for me.

I'm not really sure what I'd do in the Spring semester yet - maybe take some time off and travel on my own. I still want to go to grad school for my Ph.D. starting Fall 2011 - so I'd probably need to spend some time in the Spring interviewing for grad programs and assistantships. And maybe I could spend some time with friends...

We'll see what happens. Right now, I just need some adventure in my life. I feel like, I've always done the "responsible" thing. I went straight from high school to college to grad school to my first job to my second job. I worked most summers starting as a college student. Yeah, I had fun along the way but there's so many other things I wish I could have done as well. And I'm sick of looking back and regretting things.

I've been thinking about Semester at Sea forever - but there's never a "convenient" semester to do it. I mean, what will I do with my car? Where will I put all my belongings? I can't bring them home to Austria - that'd be ridiculously expensive. I don't have a place here to store them.
But you know what, if I don't do this - or at least try my best to get this job - I'm going to regret it....

[But yes, I am doing to the "responsible" and am not just counting on Semester at Sea. I've applied for a few other positions as well and will continue to look for some. I'm not sure.... Part of me just wants to take the year off (if Semester at Sea doesn't work out) and travel on my own - maybe go to Australia; I've always wanted to do that... but then, is that the "responsible" thing to do? Oh man, even when I try to stop being responsible, I can't. Ha. So I guess I'll take you along on my third job search - a quite selective search but still a search.]

Life Unexpected

2010-01-18T22:00:00.002-05:00

I just watched the premiere of Life Unexpected, a new show on the CW. I really just wanted to check it out because I love Shiri Appleby. I fell in love with her when she was in Roswell (if you haven't seen that show, seriously, you should watch it - so good!!! Yes, it's about aliens but deep down it's really about fitting in, insecurities, relationships and all that good stuff).

Anyway, I think I'm hooked on a new show. Life Unexpected is about a 15-year-old girl who's been growing up in foster care but now finds her real parents (who had her when they were teenagers and therefore gave her up for adoption). The mom (played by Shiri) is pretty messed up herself - she doesn't trust anyone, pushes people away - but at the end of the show, he decides that she's going to take care of her daughter and that she's going to "grow up" with her. That made me think...

When do we truly grow up? Are we ever truly "done" growing up?

When our students come to college, we tell them that they are now adults and that we will treat them as adults. But we don't really... They still have that safety net of the RAs and the professional staff in the hall. When we document someone for drinking and send them through the judicial system, we give them more chances, we try to be educational; we protect them from the consequences that would exist out in the "real" world. I'm not saying I'm against that - but it shows that you're clearly not done "growing up" when you're in college. I mean, we all know how much you change while you're in college - how you learn and ... well, GROW.

Are you done growing up after college? Not really. You may rent that first apartment or buy a car - but usually your parents are still around helping you with these things - or even if you have to do them on your own, you probably have no idea what you're doing and are just learning as you go.

When you're little, you think by the time you're a college graduate, you have it all figured out.

Ha. I definitely I didn't. I still don't really think I got it all figured out. I mean, look at me, I'm still struggling with figuring out what I want to do next, where I want to live, whether or not I want to have a family (hmmm, can you really plan that? I mean you kinda have to find a partner for that, don't you? And you can't really force that - or maybe you can [by joining online sites, going out, "putting yourself out there"] but do I really want that? Doesn't that feel forced? And fake?)

There's just so many questions that I don't have an answer to. When I was in college, I thought I had it all figured out. I "knew" what I wanted. Maybe growing up means realizing that you don't know what you want. That life will throw unexpected things at you and hardly ever turns out the way you thought.

As Socrates said, "I know that I know nothing."

Trust?

2010-01-16T00:41:00.005-05:00

Are you the professional who trusts her staff to do their job or are you the one who checks up on them?

I want to trust; I do trust. It's impossible to always be there and check up on your staff - as Hall Directors, we aren't present when our students are having conversations with their residents, we can't go to all events and corridor meetings, we can't check up on them during every office hours, we don't do rounds with our staff during duty shifts, etc. We have to trust; there's no other way. But then something happens and suddenly you start questioning that trust - and suddenly you're not just question whether or not your staff did that one thing, you start to question everything....

Yes!!!

2010-01-10T19:53:00.002-05:00

Today was our Residence Hall Association Executive Board Retreat.

RHA here isn't a very big or well-established organization. I've spent countless hours last semester trying to build up the organization; but it was a struggle. We hosted two programs - both of which went pretty well - but I was still doing a lot of things that an advisor really shouldn't be doing. I don't like having to be a very hands-on advisor; I prefer sitting back, letting the students run their organization and then challenge them in 1:1's and Exec Board meetings to reflect on how things are going and what they're learning. But last semester, we just weren't there. I found myself running meetings at time, taking care of a lot of the little details for programs and and and.

This semester, we wanted to start off fresh. We've added three new Exec Board members and I insisted on having an Exec Board retreat to start us off on the right foot. But it didn't start off too well...one of my Exec Board members sent me an e-mail Saturday to tell me that she was resigned (she got an internship - so I'm really excited for her but it still sucks losing her as an Exec Board member). One of my other Exec members told me that she couldn't make it (even though I emphasized over and over again how important this was; called it mandatory and and and) and one Exec member I never heard from (he didn't show up either...I have a feeling he's not coming back to RHA). But then, the meeting turned out great. There were only four students and me but we had a good conversation and we made some plans for the semester. We also split up tasks and talked about our roles and expectations of each other.

My favorite part was when we talked about the advisor's role. The students said I should be a safety net for them and then one of them added that my role should be even more minimal than it was last semester. She said that I'd gotten stuck with doing more things than I really should have to and that they need to learn to take care of those things on their own. YAY!!!

It's not that I don't want to do work. I'll always be there to help them when they need me. But it's great to know that they get the role of an advisor and that they want to take initiative.

I know this is going to be the best semester RHA has ever seen at this school. :)

1 Week down, 16 more to go

2010-01-09T23:59:00.005-05:00

I've made it through the first week of the new semester. It was a short week for me since I was sick Monday and Tuesday and didn't go into the office. (I felt the need to clarify that I was sick AND didn't go into the office because if you know me, you know that in the past I probably would have been sick but would still gone to the office. Haha. But then again, in past years, going to the office meant walking into the next room and opening the door - totally enabling for a workaholic like me to show up in the office even when I was sick - now that I have to dress up and walk to across campus, even I take sick days. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that I've become a lot less of a workaholic here....)

The weird thing is that, even though I only spent three days in the office, it feels like I've been back at work forever. I'm back in the routine - hitting the snooze button in the morning because I just don't want to get up, standing in front of my closet for five minutes because I can't decide what to wear (I miss those days when I could wear jeans to work...I just feel more comfortable in jeans; it's more me), then the hours in the office where I'm trying to be productive in between meetings but always feel like I don't really get anything accomplished, and then the excitement when 5 o'clock rolls around and it's time to go home. And then (because that's what Residence Life is like), the evening meetings or programs or being on-call. I didn't really mind those in the past but this year, these evening commitments have been draining me. I'm trying really really hard to limit the number of evenings I have to work. I have RHA meetings on Monday; Area Council and Staff Meetings on Tuesday. I'm trying to keep Wednesdays my night off - we'll see how that goes - there's already two Wednesdays this month when I'll have to work (a program and staff development). And then Thursday I'm on-call.

How are you supposed to have a life when you work every night? I'm trying so hard to have a life this semester. I've blocked off time on my schedule for my dance fitness classes. I'm going to take guitar lessons (here, I said; now I really have to do it...haha). And then I will start studying for the GREs. Yes, I've decided it's time to go back to school - not quite yet - I'm hoping to start Fall 2011. But that means starting to do some grad school research now. I'd love to take the GREs at the end of this semester, so I can focus on applying to programs over the summer/next Fall.

What do I want to go to grad school for? Ha. Student Affairs, of course. I want to get my doctorate. I miss learning. I miss talking about student development and student learning. I miss thinking about things, reflecting on my experiences - on my students' experiences.

At first, I was a bit scared. I'm still not 100 percent sure I'm ready for a doctorate program. All the reading, the research, and and and. But then I started looking into programs - thinking about my research interests - and I got excited. I think I really want to do this.

After getting my doctorate, I want to go back to work - maybe as a higher-level administrator in ResLife or Orientation or Student Activities - maybe something in a Dean of Students or VP's Office; who knows. I could also see myself teaching at a Higher Ed program one day - molding the minds of future Student Affairs professionals. No matter what, I know I want my career to evolve around education, around student learning. I want the people I come in contact with to learn something from their interactions with me. And yes, I still want to make the world a better place - and I believe that education is the way to do it, at least for me.

The beginning of a new semester

2010-01-06T22:57:00.002-05:00

I've had a rough start this semester. I returned from a way-too-short vacation with my family to RA Training on January 1st. January 2nd, I was busy with training all day and the majority of the evening. After some in-area time, I went back to my apartment (where my family still was) and started making some door tags for my staff. My family went to bed early and while I'm usually a night person, I got pretty tired myself. I decided to go to bed and then get up early the next morning to finish what I had to do. But a few hours later, I woke up - shivering and feeling sick to my stomach.

I'll do you a favor and skip the detailed description of the rest of the night/the next day. But let's just say, when I said I wanted to lose weight in 2010, I didn't mean I wanted to spend Jan. 3rd hugging the toilet bowl and throwing up everything for the past few days. But I did lose some weight....

I couldn't get out of bed for another two days. The afternoon of the last day, I was feeling better and spent some quality time online trying to figure out my "new" life. I decided it was time to start taking dance classes again. And I should probably take guitar lessons (I bought myself a guitar for Christmas).

So today, after my first day back at work, I hopped in the car and checked out a dance class. And it was fun! I've missed dancing. It just gives you so much energy! :)

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T00:36:00.002-05:00

New Year is the time for new goals, New Year's resolutions and all that kind of stuff. I usually don't take those things too seriously. Why come up with new goals at New Years? As a student and then as someone working in a college environment, it always seemed to make more sense for me to come up with my "New Year's resolutions" and my new goals at the beginning of an academic year.

This year, for some reason, I've spent a lot of time thinking about my goals and what I want to accomplish this year just around New Year's Eve. I've been thinking about these things - my job, my career, what I want my future to be like - for a while now. But before the new year, I felt like I could push those questions aside - wait until later to really think about them and come up with an answer. But now, on the "other side" I'm starting to feel the pressure to figure out what to do.

I've spent the last two days coming up with this "perfect" plan - it would basically outline the next four or five years of my life. But there are so many "if's" that as much as I love having a plan, it also scares me. What if one of those "if's" doesn't work out - then the whole beautiful plan comes crashing down.

One of the biggest challenges for me is always figuring out how to balance what's best for my career with what's most convenient/fun/comforting for my personal life (e.g. how many people do I know in the area I'd be moving to? how much would I enjoy living there?).

My head is starting to hurt from thinking about all these things...

Tough decisions

2009-12-22T20:56:00.002-05:00

I never thought my life would turn out like this. I thought, at my age, I'd be married, settled down, raising my two adorable little children (both girls, of course - I wouldn't know what to do with boys...LoL). I thought I'd know what I want out of life and I'd have a pretty good idea where I'd be spending the rest of my life.

Instead I'm single (no children...just wanted to clarify...I mean, one doesn't necessarily mandate the other, right?); I'm anything but settled down - I mean I'm not even sure where I'll be in a few month - not just what city/town, I don't even know what freakin' country I'll be in. Sometimes that's exciting. There's so many opportunities out there, so many things that I COULD do with my life. And then sometimes, it's scary. What if I never figure it out; what if I spend the rest of my life running around, trying to find a meaning/purpose of my life? It also means that every few months or at least every years, I have to face tough decisions. Do I stay in my current job or do I move on? Do I try to find a job in the same area or do I move somewhere else? How am I going to deal with the usual immigration/visa drama?

Sometimes I wish I could just forward through a few months.... Or if I could just travel to the future, make sure that everything will work out in the end - then I'll come back and would happily deal with the day-to-day drama of real life.