A friend of mine recently asked me for help in his search for a graduate hall director position; but I'm really struggling with helping him...for so many reasons. There's the fact that he isn't thinking about going into Student Affairs but is just looking for a grad hall director position to get into a school and then eventually get a chance to take some grad classes in who knows what. When I did my grad assistantship search, I was first looking for Student Affairs programs and then for assistantships; so I don't really know how to do a search when you are not looking for a Student Affairs grad program. I don't really think there are many schools who have grad assistantships for people who are not planning on going into Student Affairs; I guess it's schools that don't have Student Affairs programs but I really don't know any.
And it's not just that I don't have any experience in this type of search; I'm also not sure I want to help. That sounds mean...ha. But I guess I'm just not sure he'd be a great Hall Director. I really struggle with those people who work as Hall Directors because they didn't know what else to do with their life. I'm a Hall Director because I believe in Higher Education and Student Affairs; I believe in educating residents, in learning outside of the classroom!!! This isn't something I'm just doing to have something to do; I believe in this profession.
I also believe it's important that Hall Directors have a master's degree in Student Affairs. I mean, how can someone with no student development background design programs that will help their students grow and develop?
I worked as an RA for a Hall Director, who didn't have a master's degree and who was a Hall Director because she didn't really know what else to do with her life. (And that was a typical story for the staff in our department.) When I was a student and then an RA, I didn't really notice what I was missing - I mean, I didn't know any better; but now, looking back, there were so many opportunities that we missed - opportunities to educate students and to help them make the most out of their college experience. We took care of the administrative responsibilities of running a residence hall; we had some "fun" programs to fulfill the programming requirements - but how much learning was really happening? And how great relationships did I truly build with my residents? And when I ran into a concern with a resident, how good advice could my supervisor really give me? It often felt like the blind leading the blind.
I know there a ton of colleges out there and lots of Hall Director positions - so yeah, there probably isn't a way to fill all of them with Master's level professionals. But still, as someone who truly believes in this profession, I don't know if I can support someone, who doesn't have a Master's and who just wants to be a Hall Director because he doesn't know what else to do with his life, in becoming a Hall Director.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Learning To Fly
Are there any Harry Potter fans out there? If so, have you ever seen JK Rowling's Web site? The one where can move items on a bookshelf and find hidden treasurers, or drop the right amount of red and green drops on a plant and it'll open a secret page. And there was the room with the door that was usually locked; but on certain occasions the door would unlock and reveal something really cool - like the release date of the next book or a book title. I remember one year, around the holidays, I got up extra early, so I could check the page before having to leave for a flight. I knew something was being revealed any day and I just HAD to see it right away. :)
Anyway, I'm unlocking my door and her's a little secret for you (not as cool as a Harry Potter Book release but maybe as the year goes on, I'll think of some more exciting items to reveal):
Have you ever wondered where the title "Learning to Fly" comes from? Well, when I started writing this blog, I was listening to a lot of Kelly Clarkson. And in her song Breakaway, she sings, "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly." I LOVED that song and that phrase...but as a whole phrase it seemed to long. So I shortened it to the part that seemed most relevant to what this blog would be about - learning to be a Student Affairs professional. Because in the end, we're always learning in this profession, whether we're in our first year after grad school or our last year before retirement. And that's what makes this job awesome!
Anyway, I'm unlocking my door and her's a little secret for you (not as cool as a Harry Potter Book release but maybe as the year goes on, I'll think of some more exciting items to reveal):
Have you ever wondered where the title "Learning to Fly" comes from? Well, when I started writing this blog, I was listening to a lot of Kelly Clarkson. And in her song Breakaway, she sings, "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly." I LOVED that song and that phrase...but as a whole phrase it seemed to long. So I shortened it to the part that seemed most relevant to what this blog would be about - learning to be a Student Affairs professional. Because in the end, we're always learning in this profession, whether we're in our first year after grad school or our last year before retirement. And that's what makes this job awesome!
The end of another semester....
I closed my building today; well, as much as you "close" when you're open for winter break housing. But since I only have 10 students staying for winter break, we're pretty much closed.
Closing went well. I walked through all the rooms with the RAs, closed lots of windows and pulled countless plugs. I always feel disgusting after checking residents' rooms. I've taken more showers in the last 24 hours than I usually take in a week. Haha.
But now we're done and so another semester comes to a close. It's been a good semester overall. I'm glad I came back here. I'm enjoying my job a lot more again; hey, I've turned back into the old workaholic me - that's always a good sign, even though it's not exactly a good thing. ;) I'm going to have to work on that whole balance thing again next semester. Wait, haven't we heard that before? But seriously, not my fault this time. I came in with all these awesome ideas. I thought about joining a choir (even researched some), taking dance classes (looked at various studios' web sites and had a couple picked out that could potentially work) and of course wanted to spend some time playing piano/guitar. But as they say, things never happen the way you plan them. I was teaching a class Monday night, had several student organization meetings on Tuesdays, staff meetings Wednesdays, late office hours and another student organization meeting on Thursday. Which left Fridays - and trust me, there aren't any choirs or dance classes that meet on Fridays; and very few do on the weekends. Oh and I got that library card and books pretty much distracted me all through training but once the semester started, I just didn't get around to it anymore. I re-read a few books because then it's easier to put them when you have to; you know me and books. LoL.
I did start a new hobby this semester; or got back to one - painting. I just randomly felt like it and bought a ton of paints and went for it. We'll see what comes of it. But it's incredibly relaxing to play around with paint (and yes, when I paint, it's more playing than painting...ha...you should see my hands and arms afterwards [I do try to keep it off my clothes and the carpet, you know]).
Work-wise, it's also been a good semester. It hasn't always been easy but we made it through and I'm proud of quite a few things we accomplished this semester. It's always nice to get that first semester under your belt. There will still be a few things that surprise you Spring semester, but overall - once you've made it through Fall - you have a pretty good idea of what to do and what your job is like at your new institutions. At least that's been my experience.
My grad and I have also had some good conversations at the end of the semester in regards to plans we have for the next semester and even next year. I'm so glad I have her; she's been absolutely incredible. It helps that we often agree on where we'd like to see the department go; what we think is important in this field. It helps that we have very similar styles. And it's just nice to have another staff member there, someone you can talk to, problem-solve with or just hang out with in the office. Going from a centralized office to having an apartment and office in the same building and no other Hall Directors int hat building, I could have easily gone back into my bubble and shut out the rest of the world. Even the way things are now, I sometimes feel a little disconnected from the other Hall Directors; some of them have team-led areas, others share office spaces and others have just known each other for years and are friends. But it helps to have at least another person there; and yes, there is a difference between a hall director and a grad and in the end I'm the supervisor, but it's a pretty thin line. I mean, in a year and a half, we could very well be colleagues somewhere, right?
But yeah, like I said, I'm proud of what we've accomplished:
Overall, I think our students had a good semester. I think the RAs have gotten used to my style a little more and I've been able to make some compromises. My grad and I have come up with some new ideas for programming for next semester and I really think the staff will like it - well, at least that's what I hope. I think, if I was an RA, I would really like it and I do truly believe it'll make their jobs easier but also make their interactions with students better and more meaningful. We'll see....
Our learning communities have made some new strides: programs that happened, a student organization that became a lot more established and a lot more student-run, some ideas for new structures, a little more learning community programming by the RAs....
There's still a lot more I hope to accomplish, but it's good to be able to look back at the semester and know that we made some progress. I'm not always good at that, looking back and recognizing what I've already accomplished. I'm trying to work on that and I guess this post is one of my first steps.
On a totally random sidenote: I did not put up my Christmas tree. I'm not sure it was a "statement" or a clear decision even; I just didn't get around to it and the one time I thought of it, i remember what a hassle it is to put together a plastic tree. Real trees are SO MUCH BETTER. But yeah, can't have those in a residence hall. And I'm not even sure I'll be home on the 24th, so it'd be pretty pointless to put up a tree (Austrians celebrate Christmas on the 24th). But then I didn't know where to put the Christmas presents my family sent me (and that I, as the good daughter I am, haven't opened yet as the instruction said to wait until the 24th); they're still in the box sitting underneath my piano. But putting the tree up now? A few days before Christmas? And then having to take it down soon? Shudder; what a hassle. I guess I'm still old, lazy me. LoL.
I hope you all had great semesters and are now enjoying your winter break!!!
Closing went well. I walked through all the rooms with the RAs, closed lots of windows and pulled countless plugs. I always feel disgusting after checking residents' rooms. I've taken more showers in the last 24 hours than I usually take in a week. Haha.
But now we're done and so another semester comes to a close. It's been a good semester overall. I'm glad I came back here. I'm enjoying my job a lot more again; hey, I've turned back into the old workaholic me - that's always a good sign, even though it's not exactly a good thing. ;) I'm going to have to work on that whole balance thing again next semester. Wait, haven't we heard that before? But seriously, not my fault this time. I came in with all these awesome ideas. I thought about joining a choir (even researched some), taking dance classes (looked at various studios' web sites and had a couple picked out that could potentially work) and of course wanted to spend some time playing piano/guitar. But as they say, things never happen the way you plan them. I was teaching a class Monday night, had several student organization meetings on Tuesdays, staff meetings Wednesdays, late office hours and another student organization meeting on Thursday. Which left Fridays - and trust me, there aren't any choirs or dance classes that meet on Fridays; and very few do on the weekends. Oh and I got that library card and books pretty much distracted me all through training but once the semester started, I just didn't get around to it anymore. I re-read a few books because then it's easier to put them when you have to; you know me and books. LoL.
I did start a new hobby this semester; or got back to one - painting. I just randomly felt like it and bought a ton of paints and went for it. We'll see what comes of it. But it's incredibly relaxing to play around with paint (and yes, when I paint, it's more playing than painting...ha...you should see my hands and arms afterwards [I do try to keep it off my clothes and the carpet, you know]).
Work-wise, it's also been a good semester. It hasn't always been easy but we made it through and I'm proud of quite a few things we accomplished this semester. It's always nice to get that first semester under your belt. There will still be a few things that surprise you Spring semester, but overall - once you've made it through Fall - you have a pretty good idea of what to do and what your job is like at your new institutions. At least that's been my experience.
My grad and I have also had some good conversations at the end of the semester in regards to plans we have for the next semester and even next year. I'm so glad I have her; she's been absolutely incredible. It helps that we often agree on where we'd like to see the department go; what we think is important in this field. It helps that we have very similar styles. And it's just nice to have another staff member there, someone you can talk to, problem-solve with or just hang out with in the office. Going from a centralized office to having an apartment and office in the same building and no other Hall Directors int hat building, I could have easily gone back into my bubble and shut out the rest of the world. Even the way things are now, I sometimes feel a little disconnected from the other Hall Directors; some of them have team-led areas, others share office spaces and others have just known each other for years and are friends. But it helps to have at least another person there; and yes, there is a difference between a hall director and a grad and in the end I'm the supervisor, but it's a pretty thin line. I mean, in a year and a half, we could very well be colleagues somewhere, right?
But yeah, like I said, I'm proud of what we've accomplished:
Overall, I think our students had a good semester. I think the RAs have gotten used to my style a little more and I've been able to make some compromises. My grad and I have come up with some new ideas for programming for next semester and I really think the staff will like it - well, at least that's what I hope. I think, if I was an RA, I would really like it and I do truly believe it'll make their jobs easier but also make their interactions with students better and more meaningful. We'll see....
Our learning communities have made some new strides: programs that happened, a student organization that became a lot more established and a lot more student-run, some ideas for new structures, a little more learning community programming by the RAs....
There's still a lot more I hope to accomplish, but it's good to be able to look back at the semester and know that we made some progress. I'm not always good at that, looking back and recognizing what I've already accomplished. I'm trying to work on that and I guess this post is one of my first steps.
On a totally random sidenote: I did not put up my Christmas tree. I'm not sure it was a "statement" or a clear decision even; I just didn't get around to it and the one time I thought of it, i remember what a hassle it is to put together a plastic tree. Real trees are SO MUCH BETTER. But yeah, can't have those in a residence hall. And I'm not even sure I'll be home on the 24th, so it'd be pretty pointless to put up a tree (Austrians celebrate Christmas on the 24th). But then I didn't know where to put the Christmas presents my family sent me (and that I, as the good daughter I am, haven't opened yet as the instruction said to wait until the 24th); they're still in the box sitting underneath my piano. But putting the tree up now? A few days before Christmas? And then having to take it down soon? Shudder; what a hassle. I guess I'm still old, lazy me. LoL.
I hope you all had great semesters and are now enjoying your winter break!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The things we say and the things we actually do
Some of our leadership talks a lot about how we are a premier residence life department and how being an RA is one of the top leadership opportunities at our institution. But the more I think about and the longer I'm working here, the more I'm starting to wonder how much of that is just talk. I think we're a department with the potential to become great - and I definitely think that's where we want to go - but we're not there yet. And there seems to be a lot of resistance to becoming truly one of the best departments; or at least what I would consider one of the top departments.
For example, a colleague said something about the language I use - hmm, yeah, so I talk about learning outcomes and assessment and student learning; isn't that what the staff of a premier residence life department should do? If we sit around and play games and talk about ice breakers and building community, we will never be one of those departments people look to. Don't get me wrong, community building is vital; it's the first step; but there should be more, shouldn't there? There should be education and learning. And how are we going to get there unless we start talking about student learning, unless we develop learning outcomes and strategies to accomplish them? And yes, maybe I could "tone down" my language and use fluffier words, but how can we expect anyone else to take us seriously if we don't take ourselves seriously? How can we expect presidents of universities to see the value in Student Affairs, when we don't use language used in the rest of the academic world?
I've grown up in Austria where we don't have residence halls. Students just live in apartments in town or student housing managed by a landlord. There's nobody to "build community" and "enforce policies." When you're 18 and in college, you're an adult and you are treated as such.
Having grown up there, I sometimes struggle with the concept of Residence Life here - or at least how some professionals define the purpose of Residence Life. Yes, living on a floor that has a close community is fun and makes college life more enjoyable, but is it that important? No, not really. But education and helping students learn more about themselves, that IS important; that's something that our students will benefit from, our society will benefit from - and I see a value in striving for that, in working in a profession that has this goal. And so, while a lot of my time is spent with community-building, policy-enforcment and administrative tasks, the things I value, the reasons I'm in this profession, all relate to educating students, helping them learn about themselves, diversity, leadership, realizing what they're passionate about and how they can live out those dreams...and so I won't stop talking about student learning and learning outcomes and student development theories and and and, because once I stop talking about that, I will have lost my reason to work in this field.
For example, a colleague said something about the language I use - hmm, yeah, so I talk about learning outcomes and assessment and student learning; isn't that what the staff of a premier residence life department should do? If we sit around and play games and talk about ice breakers and building community, we will never be one of those departments people look to. Don't get me wrong, community building is vital; it's the first step; but there should be more, shouldn't there? There should be education and learning. And how are we going to get there unless we start talking about student learning, unless we develop learning outcomes and strategies to accomplish them? And yes, maybe I could "tone down" my language and use fluffier words, but how can we expect anyone else to take us seriously if we don't take ourselves seriously? How can we expect presidents of universities to see the value in Student Affairs, when we don't use language used in the rest of the academic world?
I've grown up in Austria where we don't have residence halls. Students just live in apartments in town or student housing managed by a landlord. There's nobody to "build community" and "enforce policies." When you're 18 and in college, you're an adult and you are treated as such.
Having grown up there, I sometimes struggle with the concept of Residence Life here - or at least how some professionals define the purpose of Residence Life. Yes, living on a floor that has a close community is fun and makes college life more enjoyable, but is it that important? No, not really. But education and helping students learn more about themselves, that IS important; that's something that our students will benefit from, our society will benefit from - and I see a value in striving for that, in working in a profession that has this goal. And so, while a lot of my time is spent with community-building, policy-enforcment and administrative tasks, the things I value, the reasons I'm in this profession, all relate to educating students, helping them learn about themselves, diversity, leadership, realizing what they're passionate about and how they can live out those dreams...and so I won't stop talking about student learning and learning outcomes and student development theories and and and, because once I stop talking about that, I will have lost my reason to work in this field.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wonderful Weekend
(I hope you all appreciate the alliteration in the title - and the only reason I know what an alliteration is thanks to taking Latin in middle school and high school and having to identify alliterations and other sound devices in the texts we had to translate. I guess at least I remember something from those 6 years of Latin, right? The other thing I remember are the first three sentences of my first Latin textbook, "Italia terra fecunda est. Gloria Italiae magna est. Concordia Italiam servat" and a few Latin sayings like, "Alea iacta est" - those came in handy when reading Asterix and Obelix comics. ... Okay, enough about Latin.)
So this weekend was kind of perfect. :) I wish more weekends were like that. It started off with a concert on Friday night that my grad and I went to - and it was pretty awesome. It was one of those holidays shows that features a bunch of different acts and I really liked all of them - even though Sarah Bareilles was clearly the best (at least in my opinion). If you haven't listened to her new album yet, you really should. But I know I'm repeating myself - I already talked about that in my last entry - well, in case you were wondering, I still think she's amazing!!! ;) What would I give for that voice and that stage presence? When I'm on stage playing piano, my face either turns red or pale and my foot starts twitching (it was a weird thing that happens to me when I get nervous); oh yes and my hands start shaking which comes in real handy when trying to play piano...ha.
Saturday, as I also mentioned before, I hung out with students during the day as they were using my kitchen. In the evening we had a End of the Semester party for one of our Learning Communities and after that I just hung out and relaxed in my apartment.
And finally today, we went on a bus trip to a city with students (organized by my Council). Getting up at 6 am wasn't that much fun and having a chatty bus driver, I didn't even get a chance to really nap on the bus. But once we got to the city, it was just nice not to be on campus anymore and to get to wander around. I even bought some clothes - and those of you who know me well know that I'm very rarely in the mood to buy clothes; so that was kinda fun.
So even though the weekend included a lot of "work," it was a really good weekend. I wish more weekends were like that.
So this weekend was kind of perfect. :) I wish more weekends were like that. It started off with a concert on Friday night that my grad and I went to - and it was pretty awesome. It was one of those holidays shows that features a bunch of different acts and I really liked all of them - even though Sarah Bareilles was clearly the best (at least in my opinion). If you haven't listened to her new album yet, you really should. But I know I'm repeating myself - I already talked about that in my last entry - well, in case you were wondering, I still think she's amazing!!! ;) What would I give for that voice and that stage presence? When I'm on stage playing piano, my face either turns red or pale and my foot starts twitching (it was a weird thing that happens to me when I get nervous); oh yes and my hands start shaking which comes in real handy when trying to play piano...ha.
Saturday, as I also mentioned before, I hung out with students during the day as they were using my kitchen. In the evening we had a End of the Semester party for one of our Learning Communities and after that I just hung out and relaxed in my apartment.
And finally today, we went on a bus trip to a city with students (organized by my Council). Getting up at 6 am wasn't that much fun and having a chatty bus driver, I didn't even get a chance to really nap on the bus. But once we got to the city, it was just nice not to be on campus anymore and to get to wander around. I even bought some clothes - and those of you who know me well know that I'm very rarely in the mood to buy clothes; so that was kinda fun.
So even though the weekend included a lot of "work," it was a really good weekend. I wish more weekends were like that.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Relationships with RAs, Alcohol and more
I used to be the queen of having "questionably close" relationships with RAs; I would hang out with my RAs, we'd watch movies together, we'd go to concerts together, I could drop by their rooms at any time and stay there for hours just talking. I definitely don't have that problem anymore - but I miss that!!! Yes, sometimes those relationships caused problems, or at least made things more "complicated" - but it also always made this job more fun.
At first I thought, maybe it's because I'm getting older (If I think about how close I'm getting to 30, I'm about to have a midlife crisis...haha), so the age difference between my staff and me is getting bigger; but then today I had a few residents come over to my apartment - they needed to bake something for their First Year Experience class (I'm their instructor) and we don't have a stove in the building for students. So they were "working" in my apartment for a few hours and while I was doing work at the same time on my laptop, we also talked and joked around - and I felt like, I could be friends with these students no matter the age difference, or at least that close friend-like-but-with-boundaries relationship.
Which brings me back to the question why I'm unable to establish that relationship with my current staff? It may just be that RAs here don't expect to have that type of relationship with their supervisor. Or maybe it's because I am a pretty strict supervisor with high expectations of my staff and sometimes it's hard for students to seperate work from your personal life. What I loved about some of my staffs was that I could have that close relationship with them, have fun with them, and still have very high expectations of them - or sometimes it really felt that because of the relationship we had, I was able to push them further. Here I feel like I try to push my staff and challenge them and that hurts our personal relationships; which doesn't mean that I'll stop pushing them - oh no - it just means that we aren't able to have that close relationship I'd like to have.
Lately I've also gotten the feeling that it's because hanging out with the Hall Director means that there can't be any alcohol involved. Ugh, I really dislike alcohol for how many issues it causes. Let me explain: at our last staff meeting I asked if they wanted to do some sort of end of semester celebration (my thought: brownies, hanging out, maybe a movie in my apartment) as well as if they wanted to do something for the staff leaving at the end of the semester (my thought: card, poster, gift from the entire staff - I'll never forget when one of my best friends left to study abroad and we made a poster that was as tall as she was in the shape of a foot because she loves feet...and a video that featured all of us wishing her good luck and one of the RAs even singing a song he wrote for her... And we definitely weren't that staff who all loved each other; but when it came to stuff like that, we forgot about our differences and had fun together) - anyway, the response of my current staff was that they would rather do those things "on their own" and "without Residence Life supervision" meaning that there'll be alcohol involved. Sigh. If we could just live in a world without alcohol....
But like I said earlier, I just spend some quality time with a few of my students and had a great time. They were SOOOO cute! They felt super special about being allowed to be in the Hall Director's apartment. They talked about going to events at the Student Union, going to a movie later that evening - things you CAN talk about in front of your Hall Director - and it was clear that they weren't just putting up a show but that's what they do in their free time and that's what they enjoy doing.
I have no problem with students going out and drinking if they're over 21 - as long as they do it responsibly and as long as they are also able to have fun doing other things.
*Sigh.* I forgot what the point of this blog was supposed to be. I'm really ready for the semester to be over. I just need to get some energy back, need a "fresh start." I'm not too excited about the holidays because thanks to immigratino laws I'll be spending them on my own here in the US instead of going skiing with my family, but I'm ready for two a little more relaxed weeks and then the chance to start off new, review expectations, set new expecations, make some changes - and second semester will also include the Invisible Children Challenge, my second time hosting such an event and no matter how much it'll take over my life and stress me out, I know it'll all be worth it in the end.
PS: You should all check out Sara Bareilles' album Kaleidoscope Heart because it is absolutely AMAZING!!!
PPS: I also saw her live recently and she was awesome.
PPPS: I just realized that the title "Relationships with RAs" could totally be misinterpreted. Well, let me assure, I have absolutely no intention of dating any student staff members. Haha.
At first I thought, maybe it's because I'm getting older (If I think about how close I'm getting to 30, I'm about to have a midlife crisis...haha), so the age difference between my staff and me is getting bigger; but then today I had a few residents come over to my apartment - they needed to bake something for their First Year Experience class (I'm their instructor) and we don't have a stove in the building for students. So they were "working" in my apartment for a few hours and while I was doing work at the same time on my laptop, we also talked and joked around - and I felt like, I could be friends with these students no matter the age difference, or at least that close friend-like-but-with-boundaries relationship.
Which brings me back to the question why I'm unable to establish that relationship with my current staff? It may just be that RAs here don't expect to have that type of relationship with their supervisor. Or maybe it's because I am a pretty strict supervisor with high expectations of my staff and sometimes it's hard for students to seperate work from your personal life. What I loved about some of my staffs was that I could have that close relationship with them, have fun with them, and still have very high expectations of them - or sometimes it really felt that because of the relationship we had, I was able to push them further. Here I feel like I try to push my staff and challenge them and that hurts our personal relationships; which doesn't mean that I'll stop pushing them - oh no - it just means that we aren't able to have that close relationship I'd like to have.
Lately I've also gotten the feeling that it's because hanging out with the Hall Director means that there can't be any alcohol involved. Ugh, I really dislike alcohol for how many issues it causes. Let me explain: at our last staff meeting I asked if they wanted to do some sort of end of semester celebration (my thought: brownies, hanging out, maybe a movie in my apartment) as well as if they wanted to do something for the staff leaving at the end of the semester (my thought: card, poster, gift from the entire staff - I'll never forget when one of my best friends left to study abroad and we made a poster that was as tall as she was in the shape of a foot because she loves feet...and a video that featured all of us wishing her good luck and one of the RAs even singing a song he wrote for her... And we definitely weren't that staff who all loved each other; but when it came to stuff like that, we forgot about our differences and had fun together) - anyway, the response of my current staff was that they would rather do those things "on their own" and "without Residence Life supervision" meaning that there'll be alcohol involved. Sigh. If we could just live in a world without alcohol....
But like I said earlier, I just spend some quality time with a few of my students and had a great time. They were SOOOO cute! They felt super special about being allowed to be in the Hall Director's apartment. They talked about going to events at the Student Union, going to a movie later that evening - things you CAN talk about in front of your Hall Director - and it was clear that they weren't just putting up a show but that's what they do in their free time and that's what they enjoy doing.
I have no problem with students going out and drinking if they're over 21 - as long as they do it responsibly and as long as they are also able to have fun doing other things.
*Sigh.* I forgot what the point of this blog was supposed to be. I'm really ready for the semester to be over. I just need to get some energy back, need a "fresh start." I'm not too excited about the holidays because thanks to immigratino laws I'll be spending them on my own here in the US instead of going skiing with my family, but I'm ready for two a little more relaxed weeks and then the chance to start off new, review expectations, set new expecations, make some changes - and second semester will also include the Invisible Children Challenge, my second time hosting such an event and no matter how much it'll take over my life and stress me out, I know it'll all be worth it in the end.
PS: You should all check out Sara Bareilles' album Kaleidoscope Heart because it is absolutely AMAZING!!!
PPS: I also saw her live recently and she was awesome.
PPPS: I just realized that the title "Relationships with RAs" could totally be misinterpreted. Well, let me assure, I have absolutely no intention of dating any student staff members. Haha.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Updates
A few personal updates:
* I've finally started decorating my apartment. :) Because of my immigration issues, I didn't move in until right before training - and so I was immediately thrown into professional staff training craziness, then RA training craziness, then the first five weeks of the semester with extra programming and and and. I just haven't really had a time to breathe. I work until 9 pm on Mondays (I teach a class from 8-9 pm), 10 pm on Tuesdays (Area Council Meetings), 9 pm on Wednesdays (Staff Meeting) and 8 pm on Thursday (late office hours); so by the time I usually get home I'm just too tired to deal with personal stuff like unpacking, decorating, etc. Excuses? Maybe. I guess there are just always other things I care about more; if I really wanted to, yes, I could probably find the time. But anyway, it's just gotten ridiculous and so over Fall Break I decided to start decorating and finish unpacking. Of course I didn't get it done yet. Turns out, it's basically impossible to put a nail in my wall. I think it's because it's an outside wall of the building. After bending three nails, I gave up. Now I'm trying to come up with another solution. [I know at least one of my readers can relate to the frustration of not being able to hang things up in your apartment...haha...it's not that bad yet; I still have a few options I haven't tried.]
*I've once again made up my mind to work out more, cut down on the amount of ice cream I eat and - by doing that - lose some weight. I went running last night. I meant to get up early and go running this morning as well but that didn't happen. And right now I'm arguing with myself whether or not I should go running tonight; it's pretty cold out and I do have some exercise DVDs I could use. We'll see. Let's hope I end up doing something tonight.
*I'm debating if I should put up my Christmas tree. If you've read my religion post, you know my struggle. I'll also be spending the holidays by myself in my apartment. I really wanted to visit my family (and go skiing in Austria) over winter break but there's just not enough time. I have to apply for a new entry visa at the US Consulate in Vienna, if I leave the country - and that takes about 2 weeks and we don't even have a full 2-weeks off for winter break. So I'm stuck here and not too excited about it. I'm debating now if I should just completely ignore the holidays or if I put up a tree and fake excitement until I may actually get excited. Haha. Family holidays suck when you're far away from your family.
Work-updates:
*The next few weeks will be filled with writing RA Evaluations & meeting with RAs to discuss evaluations; writing end of the semester reports; starting to plan things for next semester; etc.
*One of these days, I'm going to try and spend some time reflecting on how my first semester here went. I like reflecting. ;) Some of my staff members hear get really frustated when they hear the word "refelcting" - apparently I ask them to do too much of that? But seriously, can there ever be too much reflecting? I mean, if we don't think about things, how else are we going to learn?
* I've finally started decorating my apartment. :) Because of my immigration issues, I didn't move in until right before training - and so I was immediately thrown into professional staff training craziness, then RA training craziness, then the first five weeks of the semester with extra programming and and and. I just haven't really had a time to breathe. I work until 9 pm on Mondays (I teach a class from 8-9 pm), 10 pm on Tuesdays (Area Council Meetings), 9 pm on Wednesdays (Staff Meeting) and 8 pm on Thursday (late office hours); so by the time I usually get home I'm just too tired to deal with personal stuff like unpacking, decorating, etc. Excuses? Maybe. I guess there are just always other things I care about more; if I really wanted to, yes, I could probably find the time. But anyway, it's just gotten ridiculous and so over Fall Break I decided to start decorating and finish unpacking. Of course I didn't get it done yet. Turns out, it's basically impossible to put a nail in my wall. I think it's because it's an outside wall of the building. After bending three nails, I gave up. Now I'm trying to come up with another solution. [I know at least one of my readers can relate to the frustration of not being able to hang things up in your apartment...haha...it's not that bad yet; I still have a few options I haven't tried.]
*I've once again made up my mind to work out more, cut down on the amount of ice cream I eat and - by doing that - lose some weight. I went running last night. I meant to get up early and go running this morning as well but that didn't happen. And right now I'm arguing with myself whether or not I should go running tonight; it's pretty cold out and I do have some exercise DVDs I could use. We'll see. Let's hope I end up doing something tonight.
*I'm debating if I should put up my Christmas tree. If you've read my religion post, you know my struggle. I'll also be spending the holidays by myself in my apartment. I really wanted to visit my family (and go skiing in Austria) over winter break but there's just not enough time. I have to apply for a new entry visa at the US Consulate in Vienna, if I leave the country - and that takes about 2 weeks and we don't even have a full 2-weeks off for winter break. So I'm stuck here and not too excited about it. I'm debating now if I should just completely ignore the holidays or if I put up a tree and fake excitement until I may actually get excited. Haha. Family holidays suck when you're far away from your family.
Work-updates:
*The next few weeks will be filled with writing RA Evaluations & meeting with RAs to discuss evaluations; writing end of the semester reports; starting to plan things for next semester; etc.
*One of these days, I'm going to try and spend some time reflecting on how my first semester here went. I like reflecting. ;) Some of my staff members hear get really frustated when they hear the word "refelcting" - apparently I ask them to do too much of that? But seriously, can there ever be too much reflecting? I mean, if we don't think about things, how else are we going to learn?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Bullying
I recently read the book "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult again (I first read it this summer, but it's one of those books you have to read a couple times because it brings up so many questions). It's about a fictional high school shooting - but instead of telling the stories of the victims, it focuses on the shooter. It doesn't just talk about the shooting and the trial and how everyone deals with life after the shooting; it also tells us about the shooter's life growing up.
I love that book - even though it completely messes with my head whenever I read it. But I think the questions this book is asking are the questions we need to ask ourselves - HOW DID HE GET TO THERE? How does a person get to the point where they turn into a shooter?
At my last institution, we had to go through active shooter training. We learned that, if there is an active shooter, you should first see if there's a possibility to get away and if so, you should run and get as far away as possible; if that isn't an option, you should try to barricade yourself in. We learned that if you're hiding in a classroom, you shouldn't all huddle together because you make a much easier target; instead you should try to spread out so if the shooter comes to your room, he won't be able to get you all at once. And they told us that if there's no way to get away or barricade yourself in somewhere, you should try to come up with a plan to take out the shooter - because at this point, it's either you or him.
Sadly enough training like that are necessary - and they're helpful. But I wish we spent at least as much if not more time talking about how we can try to keep our students from getting to the point where they become an active shooter; how we can identify students who may be at risk. I know that's not an easy task but Student Affairs shouldn't be about "being easy." And yes, I don't think we'll ever be able to prevent all of these incidents - but we could at least give it a try.
A lot of schools now have teams of administrators that identify high-risk students and then try to keep up on how they are doing and what we are doing to support them. That's a great start - but what are we doing on the Hall Director and RA level to stop these incidents from happening?
Just this semester, we've had two incidents of homophobic graffiti in my residence hall. I've had roommate conflicts where I was concerned that bullying was involved. I hear students talking about others, judging others.
And what have we done? We've had an anti-bullying program where we asked students to sign an anti-bullying pledge; we later posted those pledges on a bulletin board. I've tried to encourage my staff to have more one-on-one conversations with their residents, to build relationships with every single one of them - some of them have embraced that idea, others still prefer to "send out an e-mail" when I ask them to get a message to residents instead of going out and talking to them one-on-one. *Sigh.
But is it ever enough?
Whenever I read books like that, I can't help thinking about my future children. What can I do, as a mother, to protect them from bullying? How can I make sure that they aren't bullied and that they also aren't the bullies?
The kid in the story was bullied - the teachers and eventually even his mother tried to "toughen" him up and told him to stand up for himself. The teachers thought that if they stepped in, it'd make the bullying worse. And it probably would; but what if the kid isn't able to stand up for him/herself?
I mean, what would you do if your child was being bullied?
I also wonder what makes that difference between one child who's being bullied choosing to commit suicide while another one will turn into a high school or college shooter. Is it their upbringing? Access to weapons? Videogames? Music they're listening to?
I just don't know. But we should know - or at least try to figure it out. And yes, not an easy task - especially considering that many shooters decide to kill themselves in the end - but those who didn't or those we were able to reach out before they hit their breaking point, they need to be our teachers. They have to be the ones we ask; not to judge them but to find out the truth, to find out what led them to doing what they did.
The thing that always shocks me the most when reading Nineteen Minutes is that nobody is really trying to figure out the truth. In the trial, the prosecution is just trying to prove that this kid was a murderer, a monster. The defense is trying to use anything they can find to argue that he was provoced, to create sympathy for him. But the defense lawyer never once asks the kid why he did it; because if his client told him that he planned the shooting, the defense lawyer couldn't lie in court and try to get him off. And yes, I get that's how our system works. But seriously??? If during the trial nobody is trying to figure out what REALLY happen, then who is? And if we don't figure out the truth, then what can we learn from this tragedy?
I love that book - even though it completely messes with my head whenever I read it. But I think the questions this book is asking are the questions we need to ask ourselves - HOW DID HE GET TO THERE? How does a person get to the point where they turn into a shooter?
At my last institution, we had to go through active shooter training. We learned that, if there is an active shooter, you should first see if there's a possibility to get away and if so, you should run and get as far away as possible; if that isn't an option, you should try to barricade yourself in. We learned that if you're hiding in a classroom, you shouldn't all huddle together because you make a much easier target; instead you should try to spread out so if the shooter comes to your room, he won't be able to get you all at once. And they told us that if there's no way to get away or barricade yourself in somewhere, you should try to come up with a plan to take out the shooter - because at this point, it's either you or him.
Sadly enough training like that are necessary - and they're helpful. But I wish we spent at least as much if not more time talking about how we can try to keep our students from getting to the point where they become an active shooter; how we can identify students who may be at risk. I know that's not an easy task but Student Affairs shouldn't be about "being easy." And yes, I don't think we'll ever be able to prevent all of these incidents - but we could at least give it a try.
A lot of schools now have teams of administrators that identify high-risk students and then try to keep up on how they are doing and what we are doing to support them. That's a great start - but what are we doing on the Hall Director and RA level to stop these incidents from happening?
Just this semester, we've had two incidents of homophobic graffiti in my residence hall. I've had roommate conflicts where I was concerned that bullying was involved. I hear students talking about others, judging others.
And what have we done? We've had an anti-bullying program where we asked students to sign an anti-bullying pledge; we later posted those pledges on a bulletin board. I've tried to encourage my staff to have more one-on-one conversations with their residents, to build relationships with every single one of them - some of them have embraced that idea, others still prefer to "send out an e-mail" when I ask them to get a message to residents instead of going out and talking to them one-on-one. *Sigh.
But is it ever enough?
Whenever I read books like that, I can't help thinking about my future children. What can I do, as a mother, to protect them from bullying? How can I make sure that they aren't bullied and that they also aren't the bullies?
The kid in the story was bullied - the teachers and eventually even his mother tried to "toughen" him up and told him to stand up for himself. The teachers thought that if they stepped in, it'd make the bullying worse. And it probably would; but what if the kid isn't able to stand up for him/herself?
I mean, what would you do if your child was being bullied?
I also wonder what makes that difference between one child who's being bullied choosing to commit suicide while another one will turn into a high school or college shooter. Is it their upbringing? Access to weapons? Videogames? Music they're listening to?
I just don't know. But we should know - or at least try to figure it out. And yes, not an easy task - especially considering that many shooters decide to kill themselves in the end - but those who didn't or those we were able to reach out before they hit their breaking point, they need to be our teachers. They have to be the ones we ask; not to judge them but to find out the truth, to find out what led them to doing what they did.
The thing that always shocks me the most when reading Nineteen Minutes is that nobody is really trying to figure out the truth. In the trial, the prosecution is just trying to prove that this kid was a murderer, a monster. The defense is trying to use anything they can find to argue that he was provoced, to create sympathy for him. But the defense lawyer never once asks the kid why he did it; because if his client told him that he planned the shooting, the defense lawyer couldn't lie in court and try to get him off. And yes, I get that's how our system works. But seriously??? If during the trial nobody is trying to figure out what REALLY happen, then who is? And if we don't figure out the truth, then what can we learn from this tragedy?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Fall Break
It's Fall Break. I've been working but it's been relatively relaxed - and let me tell you, that's been FANTASTIC. It's amazing to actually leave your office around 5 (it was a little after 5 each day, but still close enough). There's so much time left in the day. Monday I went and saw Harry Potter; yesterday I went shopping. Such a change from coming home around 10 pm and being too tired to do anything else!
I did have a LONG to do list and didn't make it through half of it. That means I'll probably be doing some work tomorrow and Friday or possibly go into the office on Sunday; but you know, that always happens. I'm apparently incapable of making to do lists that are actually realistic. Haha. I just thought, three days in the office without meetings with students - I should be able to do EVERYTHING, right? Yeah, not so much. But I did make some good headway on my weekend program and started writing a few of those reports that need to be done by the end of the semester.
I am duty again Thursday through Monday; I was on duty last weekend as well. At least those were the "quiet" weekends of the semester - or so I thought. No, honestly, it wasn't too bad. But we did have a power outage one day and people were completely overreacting. Sometimes I really struggle with understanding where our students and families come from. I mean, when the power goes out, you just wait - what else is there to do? Staff does extra rounds, the police or fire department may do a fire watch. But that's it. I don't work for the power company; I can't fix the power outage faster. I also don't have the power to relocate that many students - that power outage was affecting three of our residential areas. And I loved the comments that if they lived off-campus, there was more that could be done. Yeah right! As if a landlord is going to answer a phone call late at night, or fix a power line, or pay for an expensive hotel for them to stay in! Ha, I remember when we had a power outage at one of my previous institutions; it affected the town as well. On campus, we had the back-up generations running after one night - then they went off again for another night, but then we were back in business. Students living off campus didn't have power for a week. They didn't have hot water. We arranged for them to be able to shower on campus at the Rec. And what did their landlords do? Nothing; they waited because that's the only thing we all can do.
I guess I just don't know how we can get across to students that their expectations are unrealistic. Yes, this is a University campus and we have staff here, so we can help them out a little more; but we can't do and fix everything. I tried to challenge some of the things the students were saying to me, but I don't think I really got through to them. Maybe it'll just take that rough awakening, when they live off campus and something similar happens and there is NOBODY they can even call. Sometimes learning just takes some time, I guess.
I did have a LONG to do list and didn't make it through half of it. That means I'll probably be doing some work tomorrow and Friday or possibly go into the office on Sunday; but you know, that always happens. I'm apparently incapable of making to do lists that are actually realistic. Haha. I just thought, three days in the office without meetings with students - I should be able to do EVERYTHING, right? Yeah, not so much. But I did make some good headway on my weekend program and started writing a few of those reports that need to be done by the end of the semester.
I am duty again Thursday through Monday; I was on duty last weekend as well. At least those were the "quiet" weekends of the semester - or so I thought. No, honestly, it wasn't too bad. But we did have a power outage one day and people were completely overreacting. Sometimes I really struggle with understanding where our students and families come from. I mean, when the power goes out, you just wait - what else is there to do? Staff does extra rounds, the police or fire department may do a fire watch. But that's it. I don't work for the power company; I can't fix the power outage faster. I also don't have the power to relocate that many students - that power outage was affecting three of our residential areas. And I loved the comments that if they lived off-campus, there was more that could be done. Yeah right! As if a landlord is going to answer a phone call late at night, or fix a power line, or pay for an expensive hotel for them to stay in! Ha, I remember when we had a power outage at one of my previous institutions; it affected the town as well. On campus, we had the back-up generations running after one night - then they went off again for another night, but then we were back in business. Students living off campus didn't have power for a week. They didn't have hot water. We arranged for them to be able to shower on campus at the Rec. And what did their landlords do? Nothing; they waited because that's the only thing we all can do.
I guess I just don't know how we can get across to students that their expectations are unrealistic. Yes, this is a University campus and we have staff here, so we can help them out a little more; but we can't do and fix everything. I tried to challenge some of the things the students were saying to me, but I don't think I really got through to them. Maybe it'll just take that rough awakening, when they live off campus and something similar happens and there is NOBODY they can even call. Sometimes learning just takes some time, I guess.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
One more week...
One more week until Fall Break (we get a full week off for Thanksgiving). I can't wait. I'll be working for most - no, really all of Fall Break. I'm on duty the weekend when Fall Break starts; then I'll be in the office Monday-Wednesday; and then I'm on duty again Thursday through Sunday. The building stays open, but we anticipate having very few students there; meaning that even though I'm working, it should be a lot more laid back and relaxed. Most of all, I won't have any evening meetings or classes, so when I get home at 5 pm, I'm HOME for good. Yay!!!!
I'm so beyond ready for a break. The past few weeks have been tough. I've just been feeling really drained and I've had a hard time motivating myself. I've still gone to work, put in my usual 9 am until 10 pm days, but I wasn't there whole-heartedly. I've taken more time to myself than usual. Last weekend I went to visit a friend; this weekend I visited another friend and went to a concert. But instead of giving me more energy, I feel drained when I get back and overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do. I'm hoping Fall Break will give me the time to catch up on work, maybe even get a little ahead. And I hope that'll help with my overall level of motivation.
Right now, it's 9 pm on a Sunday night and I should be grading some papers as I'm meeting with some students from my first-year experience class tomorrow and should be able to tell them their grade. I'm not even extremely tired; I just don't "feel" like grading. Maybe I'll try to take a nap and then get motivated again later on. Wish me luck.
I'm so beyond ready for a break. The past few weeks have been tough. I've just been feeling really drained and I've had a hard time motivating myself. I've still gone to work, put in my usual 9 am until 10 pm days, but I wasn't there whole-heartedly. I've taken more time to myself than usual. Last weekend I went to visit a friend; this weekend I visited another friend and went to a concert. But instead of giving me more energy, I feel drained when I get back and overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do. I'm hoping Fall Break will give me the time to catch up on work, maybe even get a little ahead. And I hope that'll help with my overall level of motivation.
Right now, it's 9 pm on a Sunday night and I should be grading some papers as I'm meeting with some students from my first-year experience class tomorrow and should be able to tell them their grade. I'm not even extremely tired; I just don't "feel" like grading. Maybe I'll try to take a nap and then get motivated again later on. Wish me luck.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
More to think about...
I've been slacking with posting this October, so I'm going to make up for it now... ;)
I've spent the past four days talking with colleagues about self-authorship and how we can get our students to move toward self-authorship. But where are we ourselves in that process? I know there's still a lot I haven't figured out about myself; believes I haven't really evaluated. And how can I expect my students to reflect and evaluate and re-evaluate their believes when I don't do that myself? But then I just get so busy - with work and life and everything - that finding the time to sit down and reflect, really reflect, just doesn't happen.
At one of my past institutions we had to write these weekly reports for our supervisors. The questions were typically how we were doing, what was going on in our building and with our staff - nothing life-altering - but it still made me think and reflect and - yes, I know I'm such a dork - I LOVED it. :) I really miss writing those weekly reports. Ha, if some of my colleagues could hear that, they'd think I'm crazy.
This blog has helped because it gives me that chance to look back and think about things. I'm one of those people who loves to write - and writing often helps me organize my own thoughts and figure out what I really think. I process while writing. And while this blog has helped, I've also really focused on work-related things lately and not so much on me and my own journey toward self-authorship.
So tonight, we're going to switch gears just a little [and don't feel obligated to keep reading; just writing this helps me and it doesn't really matter if someone reads it or not - but I do LOVE getting comments!!!! Hint! Hint!]:
I've been thinking about religion today (thanks to a friend of mine). I'm an atheist - or at least that's what I've said for the past few years when people ask me what I believe. The usual reactions are, "What? Really? Does that mean you really don't believe in anything?" "Hmm, yeah, that's kinda what being an atheist means."
I wasn't always an atheist. I was raised Catholic and for the first 16 years of my life, I went to church once a week, celebrated Christmas and Easter and did all the things you're supposed to do (or at least most of them). My mom is Catholic; my dad's an atheist. But my dad never said anything against religion or tried to persuade me not to believe in God; on the contrary, he always was very supportive of my sister and me going to church with mom and even came with us for some of the bigger holidays. When I was little, I repeated the things you say in church, I learned the stories from the bible - I remember we had this orange children's bible. :) But every once in a while, something happened that made me question if what I was taught was really true. I remember my first confession (I went to a Catholic elementary school and we had to go to confession there) and the nuns were telling us how we would feel so much better after going to confession and asking for forgiveness for all of our sins. I took it really serious (even though I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone at the time) and even made this mental list of what I had to tell the priest. I went there - nervous and excited - and went through my whole list. I was told to say a couple prayers and that God was going to forgive me my sins. I said my prayers and then I kept waiting - waiting for that feeling of relief, that happy and grateful feeling of being forgiven your sins; I thought I would have felt elated - but I didn't. I kept thinking about what had gone wrong. And then it came to me - I had forgotten one of the things on my list. Oh no! So next time, I made sure to mention every little thing. But once again the elated feeling wouldn't come. Was there something wrong with me?
As I got older, I started to realize that I was just saying the things you say in church, following the routines - but that's what it was, routines, words - I didn't actually believe what I was saying. I hadn't ever really thought about whether or not I truly believed in God.
I studied abroad my junior year in high school. My host family didn't go to church regularly, so I didn't either. I didn't miss it. That was one of the years I spent the least amount of time thinking about religion. Out of sight out of mind, I guess.
I returned home to find that my mother gave me the choice if I wanted to continue going to church weekly. I chose not to. Why? There was the extra time on a Saturday evening, being able to watch TV with my dad or read a book or just do "something". There was the fact that I often felt close to falling asleep when actually going to church - hmmmm, let's be honest; there were times I did fall asleep or at least nod off in church. But there was also the fact that I didn't know what I believed and in church I couldn't really avoid that question anymore. As I said the lord's prayer, I would start to actually think about the words I was saying instead of just saying them - and then I felt weird. How could I stand there and say that I believed in God when I didn't know whether or not I did?
Over the next years I spent a few sleepless nights thinking about all that - not many, there were lots of times when religion didn't cross my mind at all (and my life didn't seem to be any worse for it) - but every once in a while these questions would come up. When people asked me what my religion was, I still answered "Roman Catholic" but I often felt like a liar and those questions were some of the triggers that led me to wanting to figure out what I actually believed. For a while, I just couldn't figure out what I believed. I felt like I didn't believe in God, but I wasn't ready to face the consequences or truly let go of something that had been part of my life for so long. But the more I thought about it the more I felt like I liar. How could I go on pretending to be a Catholic when I really didn't believe that there is a God? It had always annoyed me that my grandma, my dad's mother who is an atheist, celebrated Christmas and expected us to send her Christmas presents - she doesn't believe in Christ; she makes fun of my mom for believing in God and gives her a hard time about it - but oh, she wants those presents and that "Merry Christmas!" That's just seemed so wrong, so hypocritical - but was I any better? Faking it even though I didn't really believe in all this anymore - or at least wasn't sure.
Slowly I started thinking of myself as an atheist. And I feel more comfortable with that. I feel like I'm more true to what I actually believe. But it hasn't always been easy....
I still celebrate Christmas. Have I become the same hypocrit as my grandma? I hope not. For me, Christmas is a Family tradition; it's usually the one holiday when I actually get to see my family and get to spend time with them - and that's what Christmas has become for me. I do sometimes feel like a liar singing those Christmas songs - AHHHH - but I'm also not ready to complete let go of this tradition.
And then there are those realities that hit you when you embrace being an atheist - like that there won't be anything for you after death, it'll just be over. I think that's part of why I try so hard to do something good with my life; so when it's all over and I'm just dust in the ground, at least I will have contributed in a positive way to the lives of other people. But it also puts a lot of pressure on you - I only have this life and if I screw it up, I won't get another chance.
Oh and what about those moments when you're just really scared or nervous and you wish you could pray to someone or something for help because you just don't know what else to do? When I first started questioning my beliefs, the times when I was worried or needed help, were the moments when I turned to God and still asked for help - but when I was happy and life was good, I never thought about religion or God. There's definitely something consoling in knowing that there's someone out there watching over you. But I did that because I wanted there to be someone, not because I actually believed it and eventually I figured I was just being a coward and it was time I stood up for what I actually believed in - even if it would suck at times. At least I was being true to myself.
But what did that mean for my relationship with people who believe in God? I struggled. I prided myself in being "open-minded" but looking back I have to admit that I really wasn't open-minded toward people who are religious. And that's not right either.
Now I try to respect people's beliefs. And sometimes I'm a tiny bit jealous because I think I may struggle a bit less with life and all the challenges it throws at me if I truly believe in some higher power. I'm not trying to say that it's easy to be a true Christian (or any religion, for that matter) in today's society because I know it's not the "cool" thing to do and people who strongly believe in their religion and let it influence their day-to-day life don't have it easy either; I guess I just sometimes wish I didn't feel so much pressure to make so much of my life (because it's the only one I'm going to get) and that I could ask for someone's help and not know that in the end I'm in this all by myself. But I can't make myself believe and can't pretend anymore to believe something I don't.
I feel like I'm talking in circles. Maybe it's time for bed. Hmmm, yeah, it was time for bed like two hours ago. Oops.
I hope I haven't turned any of you away by talking about religion - I know it's one of "those" topics. But how can we expect our students to think about it and talk about it, if we don't?
I wish I could end this with some meaningful life lesson but here's the truth: I got nothing. I can only do what seems to right to me right now. But do really wish life was a little easier sometimes. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent the past four days talking with colleagues about self-authorship and how we can get our students to move toward self-authorship. But where are we ourselves in that process? I know there's still a lot I haven't figured out about myself; believes I haven't really evaluated. And how can I expect my students to reflect and evaluate and re-evaluate their believes when I don't do that myself? But then I just get so busy - with work and life and everything - that finding the time to sit down and reflect, really reflect, just doesn't happen.
At one of my past institutions we had to write these weekly reports for our supervisors. The questions were typically how we were doing, what was going on in our building and with our staff - nothing life-altering - but it still made me think and reflect and - yes, I know I'm such a dork - I LOVED it. :) I really miss writing those weekly reports. Ha, if some of my colleagues could hear that, they'd think I'm crazy.
This blog has helped because it gives me that chance to look back and think about things. I'm one of those people who loves to write - and writing often helps me organize my own thoughts and figure out what I really think. I process while writing. And while this blog has helped, I've also really focused on work-related things lately and not so much on me and my own journey toward self-authorship.
So tonight, we're going to switch gears just a little [and don't feel obligated to keep reading; just writing this helps me and it doesn't really matter if someone reads it or not - but I do LOVE getting comments!!!! Hint! Hint!]:
I've been thinking about religion today (thanks to a friend of mine). I'm an atheist - or at least that's what I've said for the past few years when people ask me what I believe. The usual reactions are, "What? Really? Does that mean you really don't believe in anything?" "Hmm, yeah, that's kinda what being an atheist means."
I wasn't always an atheist. I was raised Catholic and for the first 16 years of my life, I went to church once a week, celebrated Christmas and Easter and did all the things you're supposed to do (or at least most of them). My mom is Catholic; my dad's an atheist. But my dad never said anything against religion or tried to persuade me not to believe in God; on the contrary, he always was very supportive of my sister and me going to church with mom and even came with us for some of the bigger holidays. When I was little, I repeated the things you say in church, I learned the stories from the bible - I remember we had this orange children's bible. :) But every once in a while, something happened that made me question if what I was taught was really true. I remember my first confession (I went to a Catholic elementary school and we had to go to confession there) and the nuns were telling us how we would feel so much better after going to confession and asking for forgiveness for all of our sins. I took it really serious (even though I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone at the time) and even made this mental list of what I had to tell the priest. I went there - nervous and excited - and went through my whole list. I was told to say a couple prayers and that God was going to forgive me my sins. I said my prayers and then I kept waiting - waiting for that feeling of relief, that happy and grateful feeling of being forgiven your sins; I thought I would have felt elated - but I didn't. I kept thinking about what had gone wrong. And then it came to me - I had forgotten one of the things on my list. Oh no! So next time, I made sure to mention every little thing. But once again the elated feeling wouldn't come. Was there something wrong with me?
As I got older, I started to realize that I was just saying the things you say in church, following the routines - but that's what it was, routines, words - I didn't actually believe what I was saying. I hadn't ever really thought about whether or not I truly believed in God.
I studied abroad my junior year in high school. My host family didn't go to church regularly, so I didn't either. I didn't miss it. That was one of the years I spent the least amount of time thinking about religion. Out of sight out of mind, I guess.
I returned home to find that my mother gave me the choice if I wanted to continue going to church weekly. I chose not to. Why? There was the extra time on a Saturday evening, being able to watch TV with my dad or read a book or just do "something". There was the fact that I often felt close to falling asleep when actually going to church - hmmmm, let's be honest; there were times I did fall asleep or at least nod off in church. But there was also the fact that I didn't know what I believed and in church I couldn't really avoid that question anymore. As I said the lord's prayer, I would start to actually think about the words I was saying instead of just saying them - and then I felt weird. How could I stand there and say that I believed in God when I didn't know whether or not I did?
Over the next years I spent a few sleepless nights thinking about all that - not many, there were lots of times when religion didn't cross my mind at all (and my life didn't seem to be any worse for it) - but every once in a while these questions would come up. When people asked me what my religion was, I still answered "Roman Catholic" but I often felt like a liar and those questions were some of the triggers that led me to wanting to figure out what I actually believed. For a while, I just couldn't figure out what I believed. I felt like I didn't believe in God, but I wasn't ready to face the consequences or truly let go of something that had been part of my life for so long. But the more I thought about it the more I felt like I liar. How could I go on pretending to be a Catholic when I really didn't believe that there is a God? It had always annoyed me that my grandma, my dad's mother who is an atheist, celebrated Christmas and expected us to send her Christmas presents - she doesn't believe in Christ; she makes fun of my mom for believing in God and gives her a hard time about it - but oh, she wants those presents and that "Merry Christmas!" That's just seemed so wrong, so hypocritical - but was I any better? Faking it even though I didn't really believe in all this anymore - or at least wasn't sure.
Slowly I started thinking of myself as an atheist. And I feel more comfortable with that. I feel like I'm more true to what I actually believe. But it hasn't always been easy....
I still celebrate Christmas. Have I become the same hypocrit as my grandma? I hope not. For me, Christmas is a Family tradition; it's usually the one holiday when I actually get to see my family and get to spend time with them - and that's what Christmas has become for me. I do sometimes feel like a liar singing those Christmas songs - AHHHH - but I'm also not ready to complete let go of this tradition.
And then there are those realities that hit you when you embrace being an atheist - like that there won't be anything for you after death, it'll just be over. I think that's part of why I try so hard to do something good with my life; so when it's all over and I'm just dust in the ground, at least I will have contributed in a positive way to the lives of other people. But it also puts a lot of pressure on you - I only have this life and if I screw it up, I won't get another chance.
Oh and what about those moments when you're just really scared or nervous and you wish you could pray to someone or something for help because you just don't know what else to do? When I first started questioning my beliefs, the times when I was worried or needed help, were the moments when I turned to God and still asked for help - but when I was happy and life was good, I never thought about religion or God. There's definitely something consoling in knowing that there's someone out there watching over you. But I did that because I wanted there to be someone, not because I actually believed it and eventually I figured I was just being a coward and it was time I stood up for what I actually believed in - even if it would suck at times. At least I was being true to myself.
But what did that mean for my relationship with people who believe in God? I struggled. I prided myself in being "open-minded" but looking back I have to admit that I really wasn't open-minded toward people who are religious. And that's not right either.
Now I try to respect people's beliefs. And sometimes I'm a tiny bit jealous because I think I may struggle a bit less with life and all the challenges it throws at me if I truly believe in some higher power. I'm not trying to say that it's easy to be a true Christian (or any religion, for that matter) in today's society because I know it's not the "cool" thing to do and people who strongly believe in their religion and let it influence their day-to-day life don't have it easy either; I guess I just sometimes wish I didn't feel so much pressure to make so much of my life (because it's the only one I'm going to get) and that I could ask for someone's help and not know that in the end I'm in this all by myself. But I can't make myself believe and can't pretend anymore to believe something I don't.
I feel like I'm talking in circles. Maybe it's time for bed. Hmmm, yeah, it was time for bed like two hours ago. Oops.
I hope I haven't turned any of you away by talking about religion - I know it's one of "those" topics. But how can we expect our students to think about it and talk about it, if we don't?
I wish I could end this with some meaningful life lesson but here's the truth: I got nothing. I can only do what seems to right to me right now. But do really wish life was a little easier sometimes. Is that too much to ask for?
Lots to think about...
I've spent four amazing days at ACPA's Residential Curriculum Institute and now I have A LOT to think about. I was the only person from my institution attending; I'd hoped I could convince a few colleagues to go with me but that didn't work out. I could have waited - maybe given it another year to see if more staff members expressed interest, but waiting and patience was never my strong suit. Besides, I've wanted to go to this institute since I first heard about the residential curriculum at ACPA four years ago and this year I could finally get some financial support from my instituion.
The institute was great. I think I learned more here than at any other conference I've been to. At ACPA and other regional and national conferences, I always struggle with picking sessions; sometimes you're lucky and it's a great session and sometimes it just wasn't exactly what you expected. Besides, I usually end up going to a variety of sessions, so I have all these different ideas and thoughts but nothing in depth or detail. Over the past years, the most important thing for me at national conferences has been time spent with the commission I'm serving on and connecting with colleagues. But this institute - it was just great. Since everything focused on one specific topic, I felt like I really got the chance to think about this, dig deep and look at it from various angles. Sessions were building off each other. At times, I felt like my head was going to explode from getting all this information and trying to make sense of it - and especially figuring out how I could apply that and go about convincing others at my institution to consider this approach. Part of me thinks I need to start little - but how do you start a shift in philosophy on a small scale? But then again, how do I convince people that, even though I just started working there this year, they should listen to me and totally reevaluate what they've been doing. Oh man, I'm getting a headache again. Haha.
I have about a million notes (no kidding!) from this institute as well as handouts and worksheets from various session. I thought about looking through those tonight and figuring out how I can organize them. But then I got totally overwhelmed and decided I deserved a night off and I could start thinking about all that tomorrow - or maybe on Monday; we'll see.
Other than that: I really enjoyed my time away. I love my job, I really do; but sometimes it's just nice to get away. Even if I don't have to work one weekend (and let's be honest, that doesn't happen all that often), you still don't feel like you're REALLY away from work when your apartment is in the building you work in. Even if there isn't a single phone call or knock on my door, I don't feel as relaxed and refreshed as when I get far far away from school. So I've loved being here. It was kind of like the best of both worlds (ha - now I'm going to have that Hannah Montana song stuck in my head for the rest of the night - oh dear, I really need to stop watching Disneychannel...LoL): thinking about student learning and learning outcomes and residence life all day and then coming back to the hotel and relaxing or meeting up with non-reslife friends. That's probably been the best part: I have some friends here that aren't ResLife people (those kind of friends are rare!!!!) and I got a chance to hang out with a few of them. And even though they sometimes ask me about work and I tell them all my little stories, it's so different than talking with a ResLifer about it, you know.
Oh and one of my friends gave me one of the nicest compliments ever... The two of us don't agree on a lot of things (politics, religion, etc.) but we still have these really serious discussions about it and I love those because he really makes me think about things differently or at least re-evaluate my own beliefs. And he said that he likes that I am open-minded and don't make him feel bad for not agreeing with him - and I loved hearing that. I think I mostly loved it because I know that I wasn't always that open-minded. I was one of those liberals and activists who prided herself in being open-minded but then totally wasn't toward people who weren't as "open-minded" as me or didn't agree with me. And that's bugged me for a while and I've been trying to change it. And I know I'm still not there but maybe I'm getting better. Ha. Maybe there is hope for me....
The institute was great. I think I learned more here than at any other conference I've been to. At ACPA and other regional and national conferences, I always struggle with picking sessions; sometimes you're lucky and it's a great session and sometimes it just wasn't exactly what you expected. Besides, I usually end up going to a variety of sessions, so I have all these different ideas and thoughts but nothing in depth or detail. Over the past years, the most important thing for me at national conferences has been time spent with the commission I'm serving on and connecting with colleagues. But this institute - it was just great. Since everything focused on one specific topic, I felt like I really got the chance to think about this, dig deep and look at it from various angles. Sessions were building off each other. At times, I felt like my head was going to explode from getting all this information and trying to make sense of it - and especially figuring out how I could apply that and go about convincing others at my institution to consider this approach. Part of me thinks I need to start little - but how do you start a shift in philosophy on a small scale? But then again, how do I convince people that, even though I just started working there this year, they should listen to me and totally reevaluate what they've been doing. Oh man, I'm getting a headache again. Haha.
I have about a million notes (no kidding!) from this institute as well as handouts and worksheets from various session. I thought about looking through those tonight and figuring out how I can organize them. But then I got totally overwhelmed and decided I deserved a night off and I could start thinking about all that tomorrow - or maybe on Monday; we'll see.
Other than that: I really enjoyed my time away. I love my job, I really do; but sometimes it's just nice to get away. Even if I don't have to work one weekend (and let's be honest, that doesn't happen all that often), you still don't feel like you're REALLY away from work when your apartment is in the building you work in. Even if there isn't a single phone call or knock on my door, I don't feel as relaxed and refreshed as when I get far far away from school. So I've loved being here. It was kind of like the best of both worlds (ha - now I'm going to have that Hannah Montana song stuck in my head for the rest of the night - oh dear, I really need to stop watching Disneychannel...LoL): thinking about student learning and learning outcomes and residence life all day and then coming back to the hotel and relaxing or meeting up with non-reslife friends. That's probably been the best part: I have some friends here that aren't ResLife people (those kind of friends are rare!!!!) and I got a chance to hang out with a few of them. And even though they sometimes ask me about work and I tell them all my little stories, it's so different than talking with a ResLifer about it, you know.
Oh and one of my friends gave me one of the nicest compliments ever... The two of us don't agree on a lot of things (politics, religion, etc.) but we still have these really serious discussions about it and I love those because he really makes me think about things differently or at least re-evaluate my own beliefs. And he said that he likes that I am open-minded and don't make him feel bad for not agreeing with him - and I loved hearing that. I think I mostly loved it because I know that I wasn't always that open-minded. I was one of those liberals and activists who prided herself in being open-minded but then totally wasn't toward people who weren't as "open-minded" as me or didn't agree with me. And that's bugged me for a while and I've been trying to change it. And I know I'm still not there but maybe I'm getting better. Ha. Maybe there is hope for me....
Monday, October 11, 2010
The little things...
Maybe this is a sign that it's time for me to start looking for different positions and that my Hall Director career needs to come to an end, but I just have no patience for the "little things" that RAs do or don't do. How hard is it to be in the office while you're on duty? We've talked about it during training; I've reminded them during staff meeting; but every time I stop by, I find one RA there (at the most) even though there are two on duty. And how hard is it to turn in a form by the deadline? Deadlines are on the staff meeting agenda; they get e-mail reminders. I mean, COME ON, I'm not running a babysitting service here.
Haha. I'm clearly frustrated. It's just annoying when you have to deal with these little things; I'd much rather spend my time thinking/talking about what our students should be learning from living in the residence halls, how we can better educate them and better prepare them for life after college. Instead I'm forced to talk about the same stupid little things over and over again.
During my last job search, I was looking for mid-level positions; trying to get out of the Hall Director role. But between the bad job market and my immigration issues, I couldn't find anything, so I went back to being a Hall Director. And I still like it - I love the time I get to spend with my students; those informal interactions when hanging out in a lounge, working with student leaders on programming and other initiatives; it's just the little day-to-day things that are dragging me down.
Haha. I'm clearly frustrated. It's just annoying when you have to deal with these little things; I'd much rather spend my time thinking/talking about what our students should be learning from living in the residence halls, how we can better educate them and better prepare them for life after college. Instead I'm forced to talk about the same stupid little things over and over again.
During my last job search, I was looking for mid-level positions; trying to get out of the Hall Director role. But between the bad job market and my immigration issues, I couldn't find anything, so I went back to being a Hall Director. And I still like it - I love the time I get to spend with my students; those informal interactions when hanging out in a lounge, working with student leaders on programming and other initiatives; it's just the little day-to-day things that are dragging me down.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Homecoming and lots of plans
Homecoming has kept me busy over the past few weeks. A group of my Learning Community students participated in Homecoming events - everything from marching in the parade to chalking cars to making a banner and competing in the Alma Mater Sing and the LipSync. We even had two candidates for Homecoming King & Queen, who made it past the first round of voting but then unfortunately didn't pass the second round. But considering one of them was a first-year students, even just participating was quite the accomplishment (and something I was very proud of) and making it past that first round was simply amazing!!! The candidates tabled and asked residents to vote for them, made fliers and spread the word to everyone they knew. It was proof of how far dedication and commitment can get you; even in a total popularity contest.
Homecoming was beyond stressful (LipSync practices from 9:30 pm until 1 in the morning, running errands, going to events and and and) but it was also a wonderful experience. It really helped me bond with the students, who participated in it. It reminded me of how much fun this job can be. It was great to see the students step up to leadership roles, to take initiative...and now they're excited and are planning things for next year already...and that makes me excited and eager to plan for the future. I know some of them are interested in applying to be RAs and I know they'll be great. Some of them I may be able to retain as student leaders in the community, and that's one of the roles I'd love to make a little more formal. Instead of just hoping that some of the returning community members will step up to leadership roles, I'd like to actually create a leadership position for them to apply to and then hold. I'm still trying to work out what it would really be like (would they get certain privileges or would we make it part of a class they get credit for? how many leaders should we have? what exactly will their job responsibilities be?) but it's given me a lot to think about. I've started taking some notes and I'm going to set up meetings in the next couple of weeks.
I'm also still thinking about the programming model and how we can improve it. I've had some meetings already and would like to continue exploring some options there.
And I recently volunteered to help with some of our assessment initiatives for the department.
All in all, I'm sure not to get bored around here. ;)
Homecoming was beyond stressful (LipSync practices from 9:30 pm until 1 in the morning, running errands, going to events and and and) but it was also a wonderful experience. It really helped me bond with the students, who participated in it. It reminded me of how much fun this job can be. It was great to see the students step up to leadership roles, to take initiative...and now they're excited and are planning things for next year already...and that makes me excited and eager to plan for the future. I know some of them are interested in applying to be RAs and I know they'll be great. Some of them I may be able to retain as student leaders in the community, and that's one of the roles I'd love to make a little more formal. Instead of just hoping that some of the returning community members will step up to leadership roles, I'd like to actually create a leadership position for them to apply to and then hold. I'm still trying to work out what it would really be like (would they get certain privileges or would we make it part of a class they get credit for? how many leaders should we have? what exactly will their job responsibilities be?) but it's given me a lot to think about. I've started taking some notes and I'm going to set up meetings in the next couple of weeks.
I'm also still thinking about the programming model and how we can improve it. I've had some meetings already and would like to continue exploring some options there.
And I recently volunteered to help with some of our assessment initiatives for the department.
All in all, I'm sure not to get bored around here. ;)
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Great Conversations
I've been ridiculously busy but life has been so much better this Fall. And you know why it's been so much better? Because I'm in MY BUILDING and I can get to know my residents.
My staff and I don't always see eye-to-eye. I don't always agree with how we do things in this department. But then there are those moments, when you have a great conversation with a student, and that reminds you of why you are in this field.
The other night, I walked into a lounge and found two students, one an exchange student from Germany, the other an American student, discussing the differences between education systems and talking about what they like about each system. The conversation eventually turned toward economic backgrounds, the pros and cons of having to pay for your education, welfare and much more. I shared some of my experience of having done service and worked with underprivileged students. The students shared their thoughts, asked questions - LEARNING WAS HAPPENING. :-)
Another day, I was in the office and one of my students sent me a message on Facebook telling me that she had made it into the next round for Homecoming Queen. The next hurdle is an interview with faculty. The student talked about needing to prepare for the interview and I told her that she'd do well - especially living in the Global House Learning Community and being interested in global awareness - I mean, let's be honest, faculty and staff LOVE those students, right? ;) The student then shared that she wanted to do doctors without borders after school and we talked about service opportunities here and alternative spring break trips. Students like that just INSPIRE ME - I know they have a great future ahead of them and I'm happy to be a small part of their life.
My staff and I don't always see eye-to-eye. I don't always agree with how we do things in this department. But then there are those moments, when you have a great conversation with a student, and that reminds you of why you are in this field.
The other night, I walked into a lounge and found two students, one an exchange student from Germany, the other an American student, discussing the differences between education systems and talking about what they like about each system. The conversation eventually turned toward economic backgrounds, the pros and cons of having to pay for your education, welfare and much more. I shared some of my experience of having done service and worked with underprivileged students. The students shared their thoughts, asked questions - LEARNING WAS HAPPENING. :-)
Another day, I was in the office and one of my students sent me a message on Facebook telling me that she had made it into the next round for Homecoming Queen. The next hurdle is an interview with faculty. The student talked about needing to prepare for the interview and I told her that she'd do well - especially living in the Global House Learning Community and being interested in global awareness - I mean, let's be honest, faculty and staff LOVE those students, right? ;) The student then shared that she wanted to do doctors without borders after school and we talked about service opportunities here and alternative spring break trips. Students like that just INSPIRE ME - I know they have a great future ahead of them and I'm happy to be a small part of their life.
Friday, September 10, 2010
What a day....
Today has just not been my day. I was really really tired when my alarm went off (and it won't be any different tomorrow since it's 12:30 am now but I need some good venting/reflecting/blogging or I won't be able to go to sleep anyway). The morning was spent buying ice cream for a program, which led to me losing my parking spot. I wasn't able to find one in the parking lot behind my building (there's ALWAYS one there); so suddenly I found myself driving around campus going, "Where is the nearest employee parking lot?" and realizing that I had no idea. I finally found a spot about a 10-minute walk from my building. Not the end of the world, but definitely a bit annoying.
The rest of the morning/early afternoon was fine, but then I had a meeting that left me feeling a bit disappointed and frustrated. I think I just want too much too quickly. I hate that there's so much politics in our field; shouldn't it all be about what's best for our students?
And after that, it just kept going downhill - running around like crazy trying to catch up on work and things; a program getting out of hands, disgruntled residents, duty issues and and and. I didn't leave the office until 11 pm and then had to go back to do some more work - that's just not cool.
But back to that meeting - because that's what I've been thinking about the most.
I think the first school I worked at after graduating from my master's program has spoiled me; not that working there was perfect because, as those of you who have followed this blog for a while will know; I was often stressed and frustrated and struggled with building relationships with colleagues. But - and I didn't realize that at the time - that school really fit my values and believes - especially the way things were being run toward the end of my time there. There we WERE educators - no questions asked. I thought of myself that way; my supervisors thought of me that way; the department thought of us that way. We were in the thick of student learning.
Here I sometimes get the feeling that not everyone thinks of us Hall Directors that way. It's like I have to justify that I want to be an educator; that I should be an educator. Like working with my learning community here - yes, there's faculty involvement (a lot more than what I'm used to) but that doesn't mean that my role isn't that of an educator as well - in a different way maybe but I shouldn't just be the "fun" person who does some social programs and is just there. I mean, I didn't get a Master's degree for nothing now, did I? Or when RAs do programs - it shouldn't just be about what students "want" - it's about what they need, what's best for them! Could you imagine a faculty member coming in on the first day of class and doing an interest survey asking students what they want to learn in class; and say in a history class nobody says they want to learn about world war II, the professors leaves out that chapter and just focuses on world war I because students seem more interested in that? And yes, I know that's class and this is ResLife; we have to convince students to come to our programs, so we have to gear them a little more toward their interests - but we shouldn't forget over that that in the end, it's about what students are LEARNING. And how do we know what they're learning - or even what we want them to learn - unless we have well defined learning outcomes and strategies and some assessment to see if what we're actually doing what we say we do.
You know what my problem is - there's so much I want to change and make better. And I have this awesome picture in mind of how things should be and I'm so excited and eager to get there, that I forget it's all about baby steps and getting everyone to buy into this.
So step 1) I'll have to really think about our programming model. What's working? What's not working?
And this leads me to a favor - for anyone out there reading this, if you're an RA or a hall director or have ever been an RA or Hall Director - what are your thoughts on what I like to call "traditional programming models"? Pillars, categories; something were RAs are asked to do programs around certain topics, in certain categories.
What do you like about that? What don't you like about that? What made the implementation challenging? And most of all, what do you think students learned in those situations? How consistent was that learning - meaning did student in that one hall that one year learn a lot because they had an awesome RA who just really got diversity programming or did students across campus in all residence halls learn a lot because the model worked for all staff members? What did RAs struggle with when it came to implementing that program? Any thoughts, stories, comments are greatly appreciated!!!
The rest of the morning/early afternoon was fine, but then I had a meeting that left me feeling a bit disappointed and frustrated. I think I just want too much too quickly. I hate that there's so much politics in our field; shouldn't it all be about what's best for our students?
And after that, it just kept going downhill - running around like crazy trying to catch up on work and things; a program getting out of hands, disgruntled residents, duty issues and and and. I didn't leave the office until 11 pm and then had to go back to do some more work - that's just not cool.
But back to that meeting - because that's what I've been thinking about the most.
I think the first school I worked at after graduating from my master's program has spoiled me; not that working there was perfect because, as those of you who have followed this blog for a while will know; I was often stressed and frustrated and struggled with building relationships with colleagues. But - and I didn't realize that at the time - that school really fit my values and believes - especially the way things were being run toward the end of my time there. There we WERE educators - no questions asked. I thought of myself that way; my supervisors thought of me that way; the department thought of us that way. We were in the thick of student learning.
Here I sometimes get the feeling that not everyone thinks of us Hall Directors that way. It's like I have to justify that I want to be an educator; that I should be an educator. Like working with my learning community here - yes, there's faculty involvement (a lot more than what I'm used to) but that doesn't mean that my role isn't that of an educator as well - in a different way maybe but I shouldn't just be the "fun" person who does some social programs and is just there. I mean, I didn't get a Master's degree for nothing now, did I? Or when RAs do programs - it shouldn't just be about what students "want" - it's about what they need, what's best for them! Could you imagine a faculty member coming in on the first day of class and doing an interest survey asking students what they want to learn in class; and say in a history class nobody says they want to learn about world war II, the professors leaves out that chapter and just focuses on world war I because students seem more interested in that? And yes, I know that's class and this is ResLife; we have to convince students to come to our programs, so we have to gear them a little more toward their interests - but we shouldn't forget over that that in the end, it's about what students are LEARNING. And how do we know what they're learning - or even what we want them to learn - unless we have well defined learning outcomes and strategies and some assessment to see if what we're actually doing what we say we do.
You know what my problem is - there's so much I want to change and make better. And I have this awesome picture in mind of how things should be and I'm so excited and eager to get there, that I forget it's all about baby steps and getting everyone to buy into this.
So step 1) I'll have to really think about our programming model. What's working? What's not working?
And this leads me to a favor - for anyone out there reading this, if you're an RA or a hall director or have ever been an RA or Hall Director - what are your thoughts on what I like to call "traditional programming models"? Pillars, categories; something were RAs are asked to do programs around certain topics, in certain categories.
What do you like about that? What don't you like about that? What made the implementation challenging? And most of all, what do you think students learned in those situations? How consistent was that learning - meaning did student in that one hall that one year learn a lot because they had an awesome RA who just really got diversity programming or did students across campus in all residence halls learn a lot because the model worked for all staff members? What did RAs struggle with when it came to implementing that program? Any thoughts, stories, comments are greatly appreciated!!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Oh programming
It's really hard going from a curricular approach to student learning back to a regular programming models with pillars and such. I think I've lived in this little dream world for the past few years where we talk about learning outcomes, strategies and self-authorship and I've forgotten that outside of my little dream world most people still think about programs and pillars and programming requirements. I really struggle with those models. The RAs' focus always seems to be on fulfilling those requirements. No matter how much I try to get them to assess the needs of their community and think about what they want their floor to learn from these experiences, we always get back to those pillars and how it'll fit into one of them. How many times last year did I try to tell my staff, "Don't worry about the requirements! Think about the students' needs first." But when there are requirements, students will think about them.
I can see the same trend here. My staff and I had quite the "lively" discussion about floor dinners and whether or not they should count as a program. In my mind, floor dinners should be happening anyway - everyone needs to eat, so why not eat with your residents once a week. Especially since we have a dining hall in the building! And what would be an easier strategy to build community?
But for the RAs, if it doesn't fulfill a programming requirement, it's not "worth" doing. They forget that there are other sections on their evaluation that talk about community development and the connections that they've built with their residents....
I guess what I really struggle with is the idea of the RA position being this check list:
1) Duty? Done.
2) Programming Requirements? Done.
3) Go to Staff Meetings? Done.
In my mind, the RA position should be so much more. It shouldn't be about what I am required to do but about what will be best for my residents. Yes, maybe I've completed the "required" number of programs already, but if I feel that my floor really needs some education on diversity, I will bring in a speaker or take them to a diversity workshop; maybe we have completed our community development programming requirements but if we haven't truly bonded yet, I'll think of some more ideas to bring the floor together.
And yes, I realize it's hard to think about the RA position that way when you are a busy, over-involved undergraduate. But maybe if we changed some of the structures (e.g. our programming models), we could help RAs think about the potential of their position a little more and strive to really do what's best for their residents.
I can see the same trend here. My staff and I had quite the "lively" discussion about floor dinners and whether or not they should count as a program. In my mind, floor dinners should be happening anyway - everyone needs to eat, so why not eat with your residents once a week. Especially since we have a dining hall in the building! And what would be an easier strategy to build community?
But for the RAs, if it doesn't fulfill a programming requirement, it's not "worth" doing. They forget that there are other sections on their evaluation that talk about community development and the connections that they've built with their residents....
I guess what I really struggle with is the idea of the RA position being this check list:
1) Duty? Done.
2) Programming Requirements? Done.
3) Go to Staff Meetings? Done.
In my mind, the RA position should be so much more. It shouldn't be about what I am required to do but about what will be best for my residents. Yes, maybe I've completed the "required" number of programs already, but if I feel that my floor really needs some education on diversity, I will bring in a speaker or take them to a diversity workshop; maybe we have completed our community development programming requirements but if we haven't truly bonded yet, I'll think of some more ideas to bring the floor together.
And yes, I realize it's hard to think about the RA position that way when you are a busy, over-involved undergraduate. But maybe if we changed some of the structures (e.g. our programming models), we could help RAs think about the potential of their position a little more and strive to really do what's best for their residents.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
What a week
It's been a crazy week - Opening always is but this one has been quite ridiculous. It started last Wednesday. I was in the middle of last-minute preparations for Opening while still going to RA Training all day long, when I got a phone call from my bank. I may have been the victim of credit card fraud!!! WHAT!?!? They asked me to verify these charges and those were clearly NOT charges I'd made. I mean, come on, I'd been in training all day. How would I have time to spend hundreds of dollars at some department store? I'd gotten up early that day to run a few errands - I bought some food at a grocery store, gotten donuts for breakfast and had filled my tank with gas.
It must have happened somewhere there... How does that happen to begin with? How does someone steal your credit card information when they don't have your credit card?
AHHHH!!!! Not that credit card fraud is ever fun to deal with, but of all days....
Opening itself went alright. I only had a few frustrated parents. One of them was quite frustrated though and started yelling at me in front of the entire staff - he continued to yell and complain all the way up the stairs, continued in the student's rooms - and every time I tried to say something, whether it was explaining something or simply answer one of the many questions he threw at me, he interrupted me before I got even half of it out. His wife finally stopped him and said, "Maybe you should let her finish the sentence." Haha.
I guess over the years I've just learned to shrug it off. Parents can get frustrated sometimes; it's nothing personal. You just have to take it, listen and eventually they'll calm down enough, so you can provide them with some options and try to actually find a solution for the perceived problem or issue.
Then the week started and craziness continued. I work with a learning community - usually the community has a faculty director and a graduate student, who work with it. This year, we do not have a faculty director. The grad is stressed but also clings to the community and how it used to be and seems a bit resistant at letting me get too involved (or change anything). The community has also participated in Homecoming for the past years; however this year, Homecoming is a month earlier (end of September) and we weren't sure if we could and should try to pull it off this year. We brought it up to the students and guess what? They're all into it. They don't just want to participate in one or two things - no, they want to do ALL of them (seven all together). So we've all spent the past few nights in Homecoming meetings. I'm having a ton of fun; but it is a bit stressful when you go all day and then have more meetings at night that last until 10 or even 11 pm.
But I love my job again. I feel like me again. I'm excited; I have plans and ideas. Apparently some of my returners are "waiting" to see when I get frustrated - they (or at least one of them) think that changes won't happen in this department and that I'm just wasting my time. But I don't believe it. Everything I've brought up so far has been well received. I still now a lot of the main players here. I am given a decent amount of autonomy in regards to how to run my building. I've gotten to know a lot of students; and even if I don't know all their names yet, many of them say hi to me in the hallways and smile at me. I've also had some great conversations with students already.
I do miss being an academic advisor though; not that I miss those marathon days of having advising appointments, but I like knowing and understanding the general education requirements and being able to answer students' questions. One of my residents asked me today about what classes to take and what his chances were of getting into a class that's full. I could give him some generic information but I don't know all the details. I'm really tempted to spend some time reading up on the gen ed requirements and advising model here. But then again, I have a building to run, staff members to meet with, an area council to get off the ground, two learning communities to worry about and and and; maybe learning more about academic advising here will have to take a back seat for now. I really wish there were more hours in the day.
It must have happened somewhere there... How does that happen to begin with? How does someone steal your credit card information when they don't have your credit card?
AHHHH!!!! Not that credit card fraud is ever fun to deal with, but of all days....
Opening itself went alright. I only had a few frustrated parents. One of them was quite frustrated though and started yelling at me in front of the entire staff - he continued to yell and complain all the way up the stairs, continued in the student's rooms - and every time I tried to say something, whether it was explaining something or simply answer one of the many questions he threw at me, he interrupted me before I got even half of it out. His wife finally stopped him and said, "Maybe you should let her finish the sentence." Haha.
I guess over the years I've just learned to shrug it off. Parents can get frustrated sometimes; it's nothing personal. You just have to take it, listen and eventually they'll calm down enough, so you can provide them with some options and try to actually find a solution for the perceived problem or issue.
Then the week started and craziness continued. I work with a learning community - usually the community has a faculty director and a graduate student, who work with it. This year, we do not have a faculty director. The grad is stressed but also clings to the community and how it used to be and seems a bit resistant at letting me get too involved (or change anything). The community has also participated in Homecoming for the past years; however this year, Homecoming is a month earlier (end of September) and we weren't sure if we could and should try to pull it off this year. We brought it up to the students and guess what? They're all into it. They don't just want to participate in one or two things - no, they want to do ALL of them (seven all together). So we've all spent the past few nights in Homecoming meetings. I'm having a ton of fun; but it is a bit stressful when you go all day and then have more meetings at night that last until 10 or even 11 pm.
But I love my job again. I feel like me again. I'm excited; I have plans and ideas. Apparently some of my returners are "waiting" to see when I get frustrated - they (or at least one of them) think that changes won't happen in this department and that I'm just wasting my time. But I don't believe it. Everything I've brought up so far has been well received. I still now a lot of the main players here. I am given a decent amount of autonomy in regards to how to run my building. I've gotten to know a lot of students; and even if I don't know all their names yet, many of them say hi to me in the hallways and smile at me. I've also had some great conversations with students already.
I do miss being an academic advisor though; not that I miss those marathon days of having advising appointments, but I like knowing and understanding the general education requirements and being able to answer students' questions. One of my residents asked me today about what classes to take and what his chances were of getting into a class that's full. I could give him some generic information but I don't know all the details. I'm really tempted to spend some time reading up on the gen ed requirements and advising model here. But then again, I have a building to run, staff members to meet with, an area council to get off the ground, two learning communities to worry about and and and; maybe learning more about academic advising here will have to take a back seat for now. I really wish there were more hours in the day.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Cleaning
Today has been an interesting day. The third day of check-in was slow and I got around to cleaning my office - or at least starting to clean my office. It's been quite a project.
I remember cleaning out my office at a previous institution. I left a nicely typed up piece of paper with instructions where everything in the office was. There was a list of keys with key codes and explanations of what the keys went to and who should get what keys. Okay, maybe I was going a little overboard doing all that but I think it's better finding that than an office where you can't find anything and a pile of keys with a note attached that says, "not sure what those go to." And then I hear students telling me how great this previous staff member was - I can't judge; I don't know him but just as much as first impressions count, it also matters how you leave a place.... And yes, it's not all about administrative work - and it's definitely not my favorite part of the job, but it has its value and especially when you leave somewhere, shouldn't you think about trying to make the transition easier for the next person?
Argh, I guess I'm just tired. I'm not a big fan of cleaning. Haha.
Random thought of the day: It'd be worth being a rock star just because you'd be able to wear crazy but awesome looking outfits. Hehe.
I remember cleaning out my office at a previous institution. I left a nicely typed up piece of paper with instructions where everything in the office was. There was a list of keys with key codes and explanations of what the keys went to and who should get what keys. Okay, maybe I was going a little overboard doing all that but I think it's better finding that than an office where you can't find anything and a pile of keys with a note attached that says, "not sure what those go to." And then I hear students telling me how great this previous staff member was - I can't judge; I don't know him but just as much as first impressions count, it also matters how you leave a place.... And yes, it's not all about administrative work - and it's definitely not my favorite part of the job, but it has its value and especially when you leave somewhere, shouldn't you think about trying to make the transition easier for the next person?
Argh, I guess I'm just tired. I'm not a big fan of cleaning. Haha.
Random thought of the day: It'd be worth being a rock star just because you'd be able to wear crazy but awesome looking outfits. Hehe.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Training craziness
AHHH, training craziness. The joy of sitting through sessions from 9 am until 5, grabbing a bite to eat before returning for in-area training and then spending the evenings/nights getting ready for the next day where it starts all over again. Never being "ahead" - barely getting things done by the deadline. Yes, that's training.
Being new during training just isn't fun. You kind of know what you're doing but there's all these little details you just aren't sure about. And then you wonder, did they mention it during one of our sessions or in an e-mail and I just missed it/forgot about it? Or has nobody explained it yet? Should I ask that question and who would be the best person to ask? You don't want to be that annoying new staff member that has ten million questions; you definitely don't want to appear incapable of doing this job; but you also don't want to do something wrong just because you didn't ask the question.
My apartment is still a mess. There are boxes that won't get unpacked until after training. My office isn't much better. I've cleared off the desk - somewhat - at least enough so I can work. The chairs are set up, so I can start meeting with people. But don't take a closer look at the cabinets or those boxes in the corner.
There's been a few fun and nostalgic moments - like when I attempted to start cleaning the RA closet (another project we'll need to work on next week) and I came across an Area Council Of The Year certificate with my signature on it. Oh, I miss the students who were in RHA back then. What a blast we always had!!! It was weird putting up my "usual" office pictures of past staff teams (student and professionals staff at institutions I've worked at) and realizing that some of those pictures have people in them that still work here; that are my colleagues again. It's like I've come full circle and I'm back at the start - but I'm a different person now - a little older (hopefully not looking much older...haha) and a little more experienced.
I've also realized in the past few weeks that I LOVE working with graduate students. It's not really a new discovery, but having a year without grads and now suddenly being surrounded by them again and supervising one, I know what I want to do - one day in the far far future. I want to teach in a graduate preparation program. There's just something about working with graduate students - students who are starting to feel committed to this field or at least have a significant interest in it but are still young and looking for guidance. Yes, that is the population I would LOVE to work with. :) I'm really going to try to use this year to hone my graduate student supervisory skills.
I've also realized that books are going to be the death of me. ;) When I start reading a good book, I just can't put it down - even if I have training early the next day. And as soon as I get back from the office - even if it's past midnight - I can't withstand the temptation of grabbing that book, lying so innocently on my table. Sigh, I've once again fallen victim to the power of good authors.
Being new during training just isn't fun. You kind of know what you're doing but there's all these little details you just aren't sure about. And then you wonder, did they mention it during one of our sessions or in an e-mail and I just missed it/forgot about it? Or has nobody explained it yet? Should I ask that question and who would be the best person to ask? You don't want to be that annoying new staff member that has ten million questions; you definitely don't want to appear incapable of doing this job; but you also don't want to do something wrong just because you didn't ask the question.
My apartment is still a mess. There are boxes that won't get unpacked until after training. My office isn't much better. I've cleared off the desk - somewhat - at least enough so I can work. The chairs are set up, so I can start meeting with people. But don't take a closer look at the cabinets or those boxes in the corner.
There's been a few fun and nostalgic moments - like when I attempted to start cleaning the RA closet (another project we'll need to work on next week) and I came across an Area Council Of The Year certificate with my signature on it. Oh, I miss the students who were in RHA back then. What a blast we always had!!! It was weird putting up my "usual" office pictures of past staff teams (student and professionals staff at institutions I've worked at) and realizing that some of those pictures have people in them that still work here; that are my colleagues again. It's like I've come full circle and I'm back at the start - but I'm a different person now - a little older (hopefully not looking much older...haha) and a little more experienced.
I've also realized in the past few weeks that I LOVE working with graduate students. It's not really a new discovery, but having a year without grads and now suddenly being surrounded by them again and supervising one, I know what I want to do - one day in the far far future. I want to teach in a graduate preparation program. There's just something about working with graduate students - students who are starting to feel committed to this field or at least have a significant interest in it but are still young and looking for guidance. Yes, that is the population I would LOVE to work with. :) I'm really going to try to use this year to hone my graduate student supervisory skills.
I've also realized that books are going to be the death of me. ;) When I start reading a good book, I just can't put it down - even if I have training early the next day. And as soon as I get back from the office - even if it's past midnight - I can't withstand the temptation of grabbing that book, lying so innocently on my table. Sigh, I've once again fallen victim to the power of good authors.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
RAs are almost here..
One more day of training, a weekend of hectic preparation and Sunday throughout the day, my RAs will start arriving. AHHHH!!!
I'm excited and ready for a new semester to start, to really get into it again after training, to start not just making plans but implementing them, but I'm also nervous and anxious - am I ready? Do I know everything I need to know? Training here was short. A lot of it focused on the philosophy behind things - discussions about whether or not gender influences our decisions as hearing officers - deep/intellectual conversations; I loved it; but I'm also not sure if I really know how to do all the day-to-day things. Will I have the answers to all of my RAs' questions?
Working at a new institution always makes me nervous. Yes, I know how to be a Hall Director - after all, I've done for quite a while. But do I know how to be a Hall Director HERE?
Half of my staff are returners. Returners are great because they know how to do the job, they know the institution and can be a wonderful resource for you as a new staff member - but they can also be a challenge! They may not like the way I want to do things; they may not be open to some of the changes I'm hoping to make. They have a lot of influence on staff and may not even realize it. Will I be able to convince them that the way I like to do things works - or that it's at least worth a try? Or will they revolt, grumble about me behind my back and rile the staff up against the changes and things they see as "extra work"?
There's also so much more to do. Read through the training facilitator guide, figure out my own in-area training schedule, unpack the boxes labeled "office", decorate my office - ha, I'm not even done unpacking things in my apartment and decorating my home. When will I find the time to do that??? There's door tags to make, binders to put together and and and....
It doesn't help that I borrowed two books from the library yesterday, bought 15 children's books (I found out the Mysteries series by Enid Blyton is no longer being published; I just had to get the books before I missed my chance; I loved those books growing up; I still love them), and got a new movie from Netflix the other day. Oh and of course I'm going to a concert tomorrow. ;)
When did I think that doing all these things during one of the busiest times of the year was a good idea? Sigh. It's not easy when you try to have a life.
I'm excited and ready for a new semester to start, to really get into it again after training, to start not just making plans but implementing them, but I'm also nervous and anxious - am I ready? Do I know everything I need to know? Training here was short. A lot of it focused on the philosophy behind things - discussions about whether or not gender influences our decisions as hearing officers - deep/intellectual conversations; I loved it; but I'm also not sure if I really know how to do all the day-to-day things. Will I have the answers to all of my RAs' questions?
Working at a new institution always makes me nervous. Yes, I know how to be a Hall Director - after all, I've done for quite a while. But do I know how to be a Hall Director HERE?
Half of my staff are returners. Returners are great because they know how to do the job, they know the institution and can be a wonderful resource for you as a new staff member - but they can also be a challenge! They may not like the way I want to do things; they may not be open to some of the changes I'm hoping to make. They have a lot of influence on staff and may not even realize it. Will I be able to convince them that the way I like to do things works - or that it's at least worth a try? Or will they revolt, grumble about me behind my back and rile the staff up against the changes and things they see as "extra work"?
There's also so much more to do. Read through the training facilitator guide, figure out my own in-area training schedule, unpack the boxes labeled "office", decorate my office - ha, I'm not even done unpacking things in my apartment and decorating my home. When will I find the time to do that??? There's door tags to make, binders to put together and and and....
It doesn't help that I borrowed two books from the library yesterday, bought 15 children's books (I found out the Mysteries series by Enid Blyton is no longer being published; I just had to get the books before I missed my chance; I loved those books growing up; I still love them), and got a new movie from Netflix the other day. Oh and of course I'm going to a concert tomorrow. ;)
When did I think that doing all these things during one of the busiest times of the year was a good idea? Sigh. It's not easy when you try to have a life.
Friday, August 6, 2010
New beginnings...
I've made it through the first week of training. My apartment is still a mess. When I come home after a long day of training, I'm just tired and I don't feel like cleaning and unpacking. The last couple of days, I've also had some "great idea" related to work and spent my evening working on figuring out a plan to implement that idea.
It's weird being back at an institution that I've worked at before. There's still a lot of people here that I know. I know how some things are done, but obviously there's been a decent amount of changes. I'm worried that I won't realize that something is done differently now and do it the old way by mistake; I'm worried that I won't remember something that I should know. I'm worried that I won't be able to live up to the high expectations people have of me.
But in spite of all that, it's good to be back. We had a session talking about supervising grads; I LOVED talking about research on supervision, theories on how to supervise staff successfully. I've missed this! We had a session on Community Standards and instead of just talking about how to do an administrative conference and what paperwork to fill out, we talked about the philosophy and the history of hearing processes on college campuses.
Of course there has to be some conversation about how to do things, about administrative processes, etc. - but it's great to once again be at an institution that also spends some time on more educational topics, on philosophies and theories.
I've been really inspired lately. I have all these ideas. There are so many things I want to do with my staff and my students; there are so many ideas I have for the department. There are so many things I want to do or get involved in at this institution. I know I'm in great danger of throwing myself into work again and forgetting to have a personal life. ;) But I'm just soooooo excited....
It's weird being back at an institution that I've worked at before. There's still a lot of people here that I know. I know how some things are done, but obviously there's been a decent amount of changes. I'm worried that I won't realize that something is done differently now and do it the old way by mistake; I'm worried that I won't remember something that I should know. I'm worried that I won't be able to live up to the high expectations people have of me.
But in spite of all that, it's good to be back. We had a session talking about supervising grads; I LOVED talking about research on supervision, theories on how to supervise staff successfully. I've missed this! We had a session on Community Standards and instead of just talking about how to do an administrative conference and what paperwork to fill out, we talked about the philosophy and the history of hearing processes on college campuses.
Of course there has to be some conversation about how to do things, about administrative processes, etc. - but it's great to once again be at an institution that also spends some time on more educational topics, on philosophies and theories.
I've been really inspired lately. I have all these ideas. There are so many things I want to do with my staff and my students; there are so many ideas I have for the department. There are so many things I want to do or get involved in at this institution. I know I'm in great danger of throwing myself into work again and forgetting to have a personal life. ;) But I'm just soooooo excited....
Friday, July 30, 2010
FINALLY!!!
My H1B was finally approved. Yay!!! You can't even begin to imagine how relieved I am. These past few weeks were rough, but now I can start looking toward the future again.
As often when you spend days/weeks waiting for something, when it finally happens, everything happens so quickly that it feels almost surreal. I had stopped at the post office to check my PO box (I was passing by the town where my new school is) and when I checked my e-mail, there it was...my H1B had gotten approved. How random that it happened when I was only minutes away from the Residence Life office! I stopped by and chatted with a few people. Now, a little more than 24 hours later, I am sitting in my new apartment at my new institution ready for a new school year. :-)
I feel like I can finally start planning again, start dreaming again.
I'm ready for a new experience, a new year - I'm ready to shake some things up.
What I'm not really ready for is dragging all my boxes from the storage unit to my new apartment tomorrow...haha. But that's all part of moving on and change...and we all know I LOVE change. ;)
As often when you spend days/weeks waiting for something, when it finally happens, everything happens so quickly that it feels almost surreal. I had stopped at the post office to check my PO box (I was passing by the town where my new school is) and when I checked my e-mail, there it was...my H1B had gotten approved. How random that it happened when I was only minutes away from the Residence Life office! I stopped by and chatted with a few people. Now, a little more than 24 hours later, I am sitting in my new apartment at my new institution ready for a new school year. :-)
I feel like I can finally start planning again, start dreaming again.
I'm ready for a new experience, a new year - I'm ready to shake some things up.
What I'm not really ready for is dragging all my boxes from the storage unit to my new apartment tomorrow...haha. But that's all part of moving on and change...and we all know I LOVE change. ;)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Not a vacation
Everyone keeps acting like I am on this long, fabulous vacation. But let me tell you, this is ANYTHING but a vacation.
I don't know how people can be unemployed for a longer period of time; it is driving me INSANE. I'm so sick of waking up in the morning with nothing specific to do. I try to fill my days with hanging out with friends, going hiking, doing this and that - but it's hard to enjoy anything when you're always waiting...waiting for something to happen...waiting for something to end the waiting.
Everything that's usually fun isn't fun anymore. I usually love roadtrips - but after a month of traveling and when you travel without a real destination or end in sight, it's just not fun anymore. I love getting a chance to hang out with friends. But I've been in such a crappy mood that I'm worried about dragging everyone else down. Since I've been crashing with friends lately, I've been trying to be in a cheerful mood, but geez, it's EXHAUSTING. I notice myself falling silent - staring at space not thinking of anything. Who wants to hang out with someone like that?
If I knew that in three days, a week, two weeks, I definitely have a job, a home, something to do, I'd be okay. I have been on LONG vacations before. I was never one of those kids that was ready to go back to school after the summer vacation; on the contrary, I always wished the summer was longer.
I'm good at keeping myself busy. I can read a book and forget about everything around me. But there's some things I just can't completely forget right now....
Ugh, I'm so ready for this waiting to be over.
I don't know how people can be unemployed for a longer period of time; it is driving me INSANE. I'm so sick of waking up in the morning with nothing specific to do. I try to fill my days with hanging out with friends, going hiking, doing this and that - but it's hard to enjoy anything when you're always waiting...waiting for something to happen...waiting for something to end the waiting.
Everything that's usually fun isn't fun anymore. I usually love roadtrips - but after a month of traveling and when you travel without a real destination or end in sight, it's just not fun anymore. I love getting a chance to hang out with friends. But I've been in such a crappy mood that I'm worried about dragging everyone else down. Since I've been crashing with friends lately, I've been trying to be in a cheerful mood, but geez, it's EXHAUSTING. I notice myself falling silent - staring at space not thinking of anything. Who wants to hang out with someone like that?
If I knew that in three days, a week, two weeks, I definitely have a job, a home, something to do, I'd be okay. I have been on LONG vacations before. I was never one of those kids that was ready to go back to school after the summer vacation; on the contrary, I always wished the summer was longer.
I'm good at keeping myself busy. I can read a book and forget about everything around me. But there's some things I just can't completely forget right now....
Ugh, I'm so ready for this waiting to be over.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The adventure continues...
I did sleep in my car that night. It continued to rain all morning and into the early afternoon and then it got ridiculously beautiful out, as if the weather was trying to mock me. My tent was dry before I knew it. I decided to return to the campground, but instead of staying at the beach, I found a little more sheltered spot further back in the woods. I debated for a while whether or not I should pull out the tent again, but in the end I just didn't want to deal with the hassle, so once again I crashed in the back of my car. With the soft breeze coming in through the open windows, it was actually pretty comfortable.
The next day, I headed to my future home (hopefully) in an attempt to take care of some errands that I probably won't have time for once training starts. Without having time to settle in before training, I want to get as much done now as possible because I know I won't get around to it later. I was also in dire need of new reading material. I'd gotten my first mail in my P.O. Box (the information for my new car insurance), which allowed me to get that library card. I borrowed the first two books of the Twilight saga. It was about time I figured out what this hype was all about. ;)
After that, I headed to a nearby town and a cheap hotel. After a few nights of showering at the campground and crashing in the car, I wanted/needed a real shower. It felt amazing!!! You really do start to appreciate the little things when you're on the road.
The next day the good news came. My immigration paperwork had been submitted. Progress!!! I guess now all we can do is wait and hope that everything will work out. How long that'll take? Who knows! But at least it's a step in the right direction. I'm not so sure though if it'll be on time for training and that still worries me. But as long as they say yes in the end - I guess I can work out everything else.
The next day, I headed to my future home (hopefully) in an attempt to take care of some errands that I probably won't have time for once training starts. Without having time to settle in before training, I want to get as much done now as possible because I know I won't get around to it later. I was also in dire need of new reading material. I'd gotten my first mail in my P.O. Box (the information for my new car insurance), which allowed me to get that library card. I borrowed the first two books of the Twilight saga. It was about time I figured out what this hype was all about. ;)
After that, I headed to a nearby town and a cheap hotel. After a few nights of showering at the campground and crashing in the car, I wanted/needed a real shower. It felt amazing!!! You really do start to appreciate the little things when you're on the road.
The next day the good news came. My immigration paperwork had been submitted. Progress!!! I guess now all we can do is wait and hope that everything will work out. How long that'll take? Who knows! But at least it's a step in the right direction. I'm not so sure though if it'll be on time for training and that still worries me. But as long as they say yes in the end - I guess I can work out everything else.
Monday, July 19, 2010
The joys of living on the road...
I'm sitting at a Starbucks (free Wi-Fi and I LOVE Vanilla Bean Frappucinos) and am trying to figure out what to do next.
I survived the move. I crashed at a friend's place on the way up, then got a hotel once I got close to my new school. I spent the next day putting my belongings in storage, getting new car insurance (my old one expires today, so I figured this was a good time to switch over to this new state) and taking care of a million little things. Everything seemed to go wrong though. So U-Haul says that they give you a month free storage after you've rented a trailer - "at participating locations." Well, I clicked on the link in the e-mail with this offer and picked the first location. Once I got there, the staff informed me that they did not participate in this program and that it would cost me $100 per month to store my stuff here. What??? Ridiculous!!!! After some arguing back and forth, I gave up and called U-Haul in hope of finding a "participating" location that actually participated in the program. I found one, about a half hour away. On my way, I stopped by the public library. I figured, since I'd be on the road for a while, it'd be good to have new reading material. Well, it would have been.... The library required that you had proof of your address - a letter that was mailed to you, a billing statement, something. Since I don't have a new address yet, I got nothing. :( I guess I'll be re-reading the same four books I've been reading all summer. Ha.
I made it to the storage unit and spent two hours in the sun unpacking the UHaul trailer and moving my belongings into the storage unit. By the end, I was sweaty and gross, but since I hadn't planned on staying here for another night but wanted to drive to the place where the concert was the next day, I had no other choice but to keep going and just I didn't smell too bad. ;)
Next I tried to tackle the car insurance issue. I'd been doing research for a while online, asking for quotes, communicating with various companies. The first one I stopped by, the one who'd given me by far the lowest rate in our online communication, suddenly had a completely different rate. How does that happen? I'd given them all my information! *sigh*
I moved on to the next one. Fortunately, the rate for that one only went up about $30. I guess that 's something I can live with. It was still cheaper than the others.
By now it was 5 pm and I still had a 5-hour drive ahead of me. I jumped back in the car and started driving. I like driving. I love the freedom of the road. I love blasting music, singing along and not having to worry what anyone thinks about me. The first day of a roadtrip is always fun. By the second though, I can feel my butt and my back hurting; I can't find a comfortable way to sit in the car anymore. I stop every few hours, just to get out and move around a little. I spend hours sitting in fast food restaurants, eating my food very very slowly and reading a book. By the third day, I know I need a break. This was day three and while running errands hadn't been fun, it at least gave me that much-needed break.
The next day was then a lot of fun - a concert, hanging out in the sun outside, NOT DRIVING!!! Well, at least not driving until late at night, when I'd decided to put in a few hours in the direction of my next stop - a friend's wedding. I drove until I got tired, crashed at a rest area, and as soon as I woke up, continued to drive.
The wedding was in the evening and since the hotel didn't let me check-in until 3 pm, I barely managed to take a shower and get ready. Once I got back from the wedding (which was wonderful...it was nice to see friends again that I hadn't met up with in a while), I took another shower just because I could. ;) Well and the wedding had been outside and I'd once again gotten kinda sweaty and gross. But yeah, you really start to appreciate showers when you're traveling.
Now yesterday was supposed to be fun and it started out that way. I only drove for a few hours, then set up my tent at the beach (literally on the beach) at a campground. There were a ton of people around (also with tents) and I'm not that big of a fan of being surrounded by crowds of people when I'm on vacation, but I dealt with it and just enjoyed sitting out in the sun reading and relaxing. I got ready for bed around 10 pm. I could see lighting moving toward us from across the ocean - it looked impressive but I started to wonder a little how safe it was to sleep in a tent when there was lighting. But then again, there were a ton of people around - why would the lightening strike my tent (okay, not the best logic but it made me feel better)? What I hadn't even thought about was what to do if it started storming. Oh and how it stormed. I found myself crouching on one side of my tent, holding on to the tent poles in the hopes of stopping the tent from blowing away or falling on top of me. I could feel sand hitting the side of the tent. And then it started to pour. Now my tent usually stays dry (I've been caught in rain a few times before), but this time it was different - the whole tent was leaning over to the side because of the storm; the water was able to get in through the windows on top that are usually covered by the second tent wall - but that one was being blown in every direction and it was surprising it hadn't been ripped off and completely blown away yet. I didn't know what to do. How long could I sit there like this? When would this stop? How wet would the tent get? I really didn't want to get sick again - I'd been sick the last four days in Austria and it had NOT been fun.
I started to throw my belongings in a big bag, so I could grab them, in case I needed to run. Suddenly, an especially strong wind gust hit the tent wall and pushed over my little cooler. Now there was ice cold water and ice cubs everywhere. I decided this was the sign that it was time to give up. I gathered as much as I could carry and ran to my car. Once in the car, I tried to clear my head and figure out what to do next. I should probably go out and take down the tent - at least so far that it wouldn't be blown away and maybe hit someone or something. But before I could get up the courage to go out in the downpour, someone knocked on my car door. It was the guy from the big tent next to mine. He'd been outside tightening the strings holding down his tent and was soaking wet. He offered to take down my tent. I was beyond relieved and could have hugged him at that moment. :) Now I only had to move some of the bags in my car around to create more space and then I could attempt to get some sleep while the rain was pounding on my car.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 am. The sun was coming up and it had stopped raining. I went outside and tried to look at the damage. My tent was a heap of soaking wet material - with my poor air mattress still inside, equally soaked. I sighted and tried to put up the tent again in the hope of getting it to dry. Once I'd accomplished that, I crawled back into the car and tried to get some more sleep. I kept waking up about every hour and looked out to check on my tent. It seemed to be fine and the weather didn't look too bad either - until I woke up at 9 am and it was once again pouring. My tent had also once again decided to collapse. I checked the weather on my phone; it said rain for the rest of the day. Yikes! It was time to just give up and cut my losses. I grabbed the tent and stuffed it in the back of my car. I tried to spread it out as much as possible but even a Jeep Liberty can't fit a tent in the back of it. I just hope it doesn't start molding or something. It'd be so much easier if I had a home to go to where I could set up the tent and let it dry out. Instead I'm not sure what to do next. I've paid for two nights at the campground. I could go back and just sleep in my car; provided I can move the tent over enough to find space for me to sleep. I don't feel like driving for hours and hours, which is what I'd have to in order to get to a friend's house where I could crash for the night.
And I'm still waiting to hear about what's going on with the immigration paperwork and when I'll be able to move in.... It'd be a bit easier to plan the next few days if I knew those answers.
I survived the move. I crashed at a friend's place on the way up, then got a hotel once I got close to my new school. I spent the next day putting my belongings in storage, getting new car insurance (my old one expires today, so I figured this was a good time to switch over to this new state) and taking care of a million little things. Everything seemed to go wrong though. So U-Haul says that they give you a month free storage after you've rented a trailer - "at participating locations." Well, I clicked on the link in the e-mail with this offer and picked the first location. Once I got there, the staff informed me that they did not participate in this program and that it would cost me $100 per month to store my stuff here. What??? Ridiculous!!!! After some arguing back and forth, I gave up and called U-Haul in hope of finding a "participating" location that actually participated in the program. I found one, about a half hour away. On my way, I stopped by the public library. I figured, since I'd be on the road for a while, it'd be good to have new reading material. Well, it would have been.... The library required that you had proof of your address - a letter that was mailed to you, a billing statement, something. Since I don't have a new address yet, I got nothing. :( I guess I'll be re-reading the same four books I've been reading all summer. Ha.
I made it to the storage unit and spent two hours in the sun unpacking the UHaul trailer and moving my belongings into the storage unit. By the end, I was sweaty and gross, but since I hadn't planned on staying here for another night but wanted to drive to the place where the concert was the next day, I had no other choice but to keep going and just I didn't smell too bad. ;)
Next I tried to tackle the car insurance issue. I'd been doing research for a while online, asking for quotes, communicating with various companies. The first one I stopped by, the one who'd given me by far the lowest rate in our online communication, suddenly had a completely different rate. How does that happen? I'd given them all my information! *sigh*
I moved on to the next one. Fortunately, the rate for that one only went up about $30. I guess that 's something I can live with. It was still cheaper than the others.
By now it was 5 pm and I still had a 5-hour drive ahead of me. I jumped back in the car and started driving. I like driving. I love the freedom of the road. I love blasting music, singing along and not having to worry what anyone thinks about me. The first day of a roadtrip is always fun. By the second though, I can feel my butt and my back hurting; I can't find a comfortable way to sit in the car anymore. I stop every few hours, just to get out and move around a little. I spend hours sitting in fast food restaurants, eating my food very very slowly and reading a book. By the third day, I know I need a break. This was day three and while running errands hadn't been fun, it at least gave me that much-needed break.
The next day was then a lot of fun - a concert, hanging out in the sun outside, NOT DRIVING!!! Well, at least not driving until late at night, when I'd decided to put in a few hours in the direction of my next stop - a friend's wedding. I drove until I got tired, crashed at a rest area, and as soon as I woke up, continued to drive.
The wedding was in the evening and since the hotel didn't let me check-in until 3 pm, I barely managed to take a shower and get ready. Once I got back from the wedding (which was wonderful...it was nice to see friends again that I hadn't met up with in a while), I took another shower just because I could. ;) Well and the wedding had been outside and I'd once again gotten kinda sweaty and gross. But yeah, you really start to appreciate showers when you're traveling.
Now yesterday was supposed to be fun and it started out that way. I only drove for a few hours, then set up my tent at the beach (literally on the beach) at a campground. There were a ton of people around (also with tents) and I'm not that big of a fan of being surrounded by crowds of people when I'm on vacation, but I dealt with it and just enjoyed sitting out in the sun reading and relaxing. I got ready for bed around 10 pm. I could see lighting moving toward us from across the ocean - it looked impressive but I started to wonder a little how safe it was to sleep in a tent when there was lighting. But then again, there were a ton of people around - why would the lightening strike my tent (okay, not the best logic but it made me feel better)? What I hadn't even thought about was what to do if it started storming. Oh and how it stormed. I found myself crouching on one side of my tent, holding on to the tent poles in the hopes of stopping the tent from blowing away or falling on top of me. I could feel sand hitting the side of the tent. And then it started to pour. Now my tent usually stays dry (I've been caught in rain a few times before), but this time it was different - the whole tent was leaning over to the side because of the storm; the water was able to get in through the windows on top that are usually covered by the second tent wall - but that one was being blown in every direction and it was surprising it hadn't been ripped off and completely blown away yet. I didn't know what to do. How long could I sit there like this? When would this stop? How wet would the tent get? I really didn't want to get sick again - I'd been sick the last four days in Austria and it had NOT been fun.
I started to throw my belongings in a big bag, so I could grab them, in case I needed to run. Suddenly, an especially strong wind gust hit the tent wall and pushed over my little cooler. Now there was ice cold water and ice cubs everywhere. I decided this was the sign that it was time to give up. I gathered as much as I could carry and ran to my car. Once in the car, I tried to clear my head and figure out what to do next. I should probably go out and take down the tent - at least so far that it wouldn't be blown away and maybe hit someone or something. But before I could get up the courage to go out in the downpour, someone knocked on my car door. It was the guy from the big tent next to mine. He'd been outside tightening the strings holding down his tent and was soaking wet. He offered to take down my tent. I was beyond relieved and could have hugged him at that moment. :) Now I only had to move some of the bags in my car around to create more space and then I could attempt to get some sleep while the rain was pounding on my car.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 am. The sun was coming up and it had stopped raining. I went outside and tried to look at the damage. My tent was a heap of soaking wet material - with my poor air mattress still inside, equally soaked. I sighted and tried to put up the tent again in the hope of getting it to dry. Once I'd accomplished that, I crawled back into the car and tried to get some more sleep. I kept waking up about every hour and looked out to check on my tent. It seemed to be fine and the weather didn't look too bad either - until I woke up at 9 am and it was once again pouring. My tent had also once again decided to collapse. I checked the weather on my phone; it said rain for the rest of the day. Yikes! It was time to just give up and cut my losses. I grabbed the tent and stuffed it in the back of my car. I tried to spread it out as much as possible but even a Jeep Liberty can't fit a tent in the back of it. I just hope it doesn't start molding or something. It'd be so much easier if I had a home to go to where I could set up the tent and let it dry out. Instead I'm not sure what to do next. I've paid for two nights at the campground. I could go back and just sleep in my car; provided I can move the tent over enough to find space for me to sleep. I don't feel like driving for hours and hours, which is what I'd have to in order to get to a friend's house where I could crash for the night.
And I'm still waiting to hear about what's going on with the immigration paperwork and when I'll be able to move in.... It'd be a bit easier to plan the next few days if I knew those answers.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Random Thought About Facebook
Is Facebook turning us into 5-year-olds?
I like Facebook. Some may say, I'm obsessed with Facebook. I have it on my Blackberry. I regularly update my status. I use it to stay in touch with friends. I use it to communicate with my students (let's be honest, most of them check Facebook more often than their e-mail) and to advertise for events. I also use it to stay in touch with my family and friends in Austria.
But lately, I've been wondering what Facebook does to our maturity level? Facebook makes it so easy to be passive aggressive. Oh, you did something I didn't like - let me de-friend you. Seriously???
I get that sometimes people just end up with too many friends (some may argue, my 778 are too many...LoL) and so they go through and delete the people they don't talk to. Others just want to keep their number of Facebook friends limited, so they know who's reading their information and it becomes more personal. That's cool. But what about those, who after a disagreement, just end up de-friending you? Having those 778 friends, I don't even realize when someone de-friends me. But then - a few months later - I randomly look for this person or go to a picture in which I had them tagged, and I can't find them. I'm confused. I think back of when the last time was I talked to them on Facebook and then I remember - oh, there was that awkward moment/that disagreement/or something along those lines. Hmmmm. Did they SERIOUSLY just de-friend me? Come on, if you got a problem with me, just let me know instead of me finding out months later that you no longer want to be friends on Facebook.
I like Facebook. Some may say, I'm obsessed with Facebook. I have it on my Blackberry. I regularly update my status. I use it to stay in touch with friends. I use it to communicate with my students (let's be honest, most of them check Facebook more often than their e-mail) and to advertise for events. I also use it to stay in touch with my family and friends in Austria.
But lately, I've been wondering what Facebook does to our maturity level? Facebook makes it so easy to be passive aggressive. Oh, you did something I didn't like - let me de-friend you. Seriously???
I get that sometimes people just end up with too many friends (some may argue, my 778 are too many...LoL) and so they go through and delete the people they don't talk to. Others just want to keep their number of Facebook friends limited, so they know who's reading their information and it becomes more personal. That's cool. But what about those, who after a disagreement, just end up de-friending you? Having those 778 friends, I don't even realize when someone de-friends me. But then - a few months later - I randomly look for this person or go to a picture in which I had them tagged, and I can't find them. I'm confused. I think back of when the last time was I talked to them on Facebook and then I remember - oh, there was that awkward moment/that disagreement/or something along those lines. Hmmmm. Did they SERIOUSLY just de-friend me? Come on, if you got a problem with me, just let me know instead of me finding out months later that you no longer want to be friends on Facebook.
I'm not a patient person
I've spent the past 10 days hanging out - mostly at the beach. My friends have been at work during the day, so what else was I going to do? The first day, it was amazing. Sun, sand, ocean. What else could you ask for? The second day, it still felt pretty good. But soon, it became routine. I would be stretched out at the beach, trying to read, occasionally jumping into the waves, walking up and down the beach - bored and anxious at the same time. I may have been able to enjoy it more if all the immigration stuff had been figured out (it still hasn't been). Yes, yes, I know, don't worry about things you can't influence. But we all know that immigration stuff freaks me out. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help the anxious, restless feeling. So relaxing at the beach just wasn't really working for me.
So yesterday, I came up with a plan. I need to be in the mid-west on July 17 for a wedding. Yes, I could hang around here and wait to hear more about this immigration stuff - driving to the mid-west for the wedding and then coming back - but it seems to make more sense to just get my stuff now and start the move. The rent on my storage unit is due on the 15th anyway; so why not move now and then just get a storage unit close to my new school. My car insurance also expires in a week; great opportunity to just get a new insurance in the state I'm moving to. And besides, at least I'll be doing something instead of just waiting.
The plan is to get a U-Haul trailer on Monday, pack that day, then leave on Tuesday. I should get to my new school on Thursday. I'll put stuff in my new storage unit, run some errands and in the evening, I'll be heading out again. There's a concert I'm hoping to catch on the way to the wedding. You know - me and concerts - haha. I haven't been to one since I saw Pink & One Republic in Austria over a month ago. I'm going through total concert withdrawal. Haha.
Today was a pretty productive day. I reserved the U-Haul trailer, reserved a storage unit near my new school, got my hair done, had an oil change done for my car (= my home for the next few days/weeks), bought a wedding present for my friend and got some car insurance quotes. It felt nice to be "busy" and "productive" after such a long time of doing nothing. And I'm kind of excited to start a new roadtrip/adventure on Tuesday.
So yesterday, I came up with a plan. I need to be in the mid-west on July 17 for a wedding. Yes, I could hang around here and wait to hear more about this immigration stuff - driving to the mid-west for the wedding and then coming back - but it seems to make more sense to just get my stuff now and start the move. The rent on my storage unit is due on the 15th anyway; so why not move now and then just get a storage unit close to my new school. My car insurance also expires in a week; great opportunity to just get a new insurance in the state I'm moving to. And besides, at least I'll be doing something instead of just waiting.
The plan is to get a U-Haul trailer on Monday, pack that day, then leave on Tuesday. I should get to my new school on Thursday. I'll put stuff in my new storage unit, run some errands and in the evening, I'll be heading out again. There's a concert I'm hoping to catch on the way to the wedding. You know - me and concerts - haha. I haven't been to one since I saw Pink & One Republic in Austria over a month ago. I'm going through total concert withdrawal. Haha.
Today was a pretty productive day. I reserved the U-Haul trailer, reserved a storage unit near my new school, got my hair done, had an oil change done for my car (= my home for the next few days/weeks), bought a wedding present for my friend and got some car insurance quotes. It felt nice to be "busy" and "productive" after such a long time of doing nothing. And I'm kind of excited to start a new roadtrip/adventure on Tuesday.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
You shouldn't worry about things you can't influence...
A while ago, I decided not to worry about things I can't influence. Easier said than done. I thought I was doing pretty well. At least better than I had in the past. It's not that I didn't worry at all...I'd go through these phases of panicking, but then I'd tell myself that there really was no point in worrying and that I'd just have to wait and see...and then make the best out of the situation...and I was able to stop panicking and get back to enjoying life.
I was tested quite a bit right before I returned to the US. I just always get nervous when I have to go through immigrations and this time, there were just a few things that I wasn't sure about and I was worried that for various reasons, I may be denied entry into the country. I managed to not worry too much until the night before my flight. That night, I was plagued with nightmares - I tried "not to worry about things I couldn't influence" but how do you influence your thoughts while you're sleeping???
I did alright on the flight for the most part, except the last hour really during which I couldn't sleep, eat, read, or do anything than sit there and worry.
And then I made it through immigrations alright. I had THE nicest immigration worker I've ever met. Usually they seem grumpy, but this one actually smiled and asked some nice questions and we had a fun little chat while he looked over my immigration documents.
I was back in the country *relieved sigh* and thought now everything should be smooth sailing.
Hmmm, not so much. Apparently there may be a problem with me being in the country - in H1B status and in between jobs - and I may have to leave and wait outside of the US until my H1B transfer is approved. They're still looking into it - so please keep your fingers crossed for me that there'll be some way around. After all, leaving the country is easier said than done. That would mean booking a flight last minute, which could cost me up to $1,500. And how do you book a return flight when you don't know what date you'll be able to return? After all, once I've left the US, I wouldn't just have to wait to get the approved H1B but would also have to apply for a new entry visa then, which can also take several weeks. And whenever you ask immigration how long a certain process takes, you just get a vague answer and they basically tell you to wait and see.
I don't know who wrote those immigration laws and I'm sure there's some reason behind all the madness, but they are really anything but "user-friendly."
So you shouldn't resign your job until the H1B transfer to your new employer has been approved? But how do you do that when your current employer asks you to tell them whether or not you're returning for the following academic year in January (and asks you if it's a no that you turn in a resignation letter immediately)?
I wish I'd studied law, so I could go into immigration law and make some drastic changes. Or even just so I understood the whole process better...and also so I knew if my employer is doing something that isn't right. I've recently been telling friends stories about my past institution and one of the most frequent response has been, "Is that even legal?" Oh, if I only knew.... But then again, even if it's illegal, what do you do? You could confront your employer; you could try to get a lawyer and sue them...but then what kind of climate would you be working in after all that (even if you were right) and what kind of job recommendations will you get from there when you decide to leave? Life is really a lot more complicated than I thought when I was 18 and I was excited to be an "adult."
But enough worrying....
I had another random thought today...How do we effectively prepare our staff members to work with a different supervisor? I went through that a year ago when I left my old institution and left RAs who had worked one or two years with me and had overall enjoyed working for me. They were used to my style. They were comfortable with me. We'd talked a lot about change for those two years, but talking about change and going through change such as getting a new supervisor with a different style are two completely different things. And as the leaving supervisor, you can talk with your staff about these changes; you can encourage them to be open-minded, to give new ideas a try, but in the end they're the ones who have to deal with that.
I talked with one of my RAs from this year and once again I became worried about how he'll be dealing with the transition. It's never easy.
I guess all I can do is continue to stay in touch with these RAs - like I did last year - serve as a sounding board but continue to encourage them to be open-minded and to make the most of their experience.
I was tested quite a bit right before I returned to the US. I just always get nervous when I have to go through immigrations and this time, there were just a few things that I wasn't sure about and I was worried that for various reasons, I may be denied entry into the country. I managed to not worry too much until the night before my flight. That night, I was plagued with nightmares - I tried "not to worry about things I couldn't influence" but how do you influence your thoughts while you're sleeping???
I did alright on the flight for the most part, except the last hour really during which I couldn't sleep, eat, read, or do anything than sit there and worry.
And then I made it through immigrations alright. I had THE nicest immigration worker I've ever met. Usually they seem grumpy, but this one actually smiled and asked some nice questions and we had a fun little chat while he looked over my immigration documents.
I was back in the country *relieved sigh* and thought now everything should be smooth sailing.
Hmmm, not so much. Apparently there may be a problem with me being in the country - in H1B status and in between jobs - and I may have to leave and wait outside of the US until my H1B transfer is approved. They're still looking into it - so please keep your fingers crossed for me that there'll be some way around. After all, leaving the country is easier said than done. That would mean booking a flight last minute, which could cost me up to $1,500. And how do you book a return flight when you don't know what date you'll be able to return? After all, once I've left the US, I wouldn't just have to wait to get the approved H1B but would also have to apply for a new entry visa then, which can also take several weeks. And whenever you ask immigration how long a certain process takes, you just get a vague answer and they basically tell you to wait and see.
I don't know who wrote those immigration laws and I'm sure there's some reason behind all the madness, but they are really anything but "user-friendly."
So you shouldn't resign your job until the H1B transfer to your new employer has been approved? But how do you do that when your current employer asks you to tell them whether or not you're returning for the following academic year in January (and asks you if it's a no that you turn in a resignation letter immediately)?
I wish I'd studied law, so I could go into immigration law and make some drastic changes. Or even just so I understood the whole process better...and also so I knew if my employer is doing something that isn't right. I've recently been telling friends stories about my past institution and one of the most frequent response has been, "Is that even legal?" Oh, if I only knew.... But then again, even if it's illegal, what do you do? You could confront your employer; you could try to get a lawyer and sue them...but then what kind of climate would you be working in after all that (even if you were right) and what kind of job recommendations will you get from there when you decide to leave? Life is really a lot more complicated than I thought when I was 18 and I was excited to be an "adult."
But enough worrying....
I had another random thought today...How do we effectively prepare our staff members to work with a different supervisor? I went through that a year ago when I left my old institution and left RAs who had worked one or two years with me and had overall enjoyed working for me. They were used to my style. They were comfortable with me. We'd talked a lot about change for those two years, but talking about change and going through change such as getting a new supervisor with a different style are two completely different things. And as the leaving supervisor, you can talk with your staff about these changes; you can encourage them to be open-minded, to give new ideas a try, but in the end they're the ones who have to deal with that.
I talked with one of my RAs from this year and once again I became worried about how he'll be dealing with the transition. It's never easy.
I guess all I can do is continue to stay in touch with these RAs - like I did last year - serve as a sounding board but continue to encourage them to be open-minded and to make the most of their experience.
Monday, June 21, 2010
India
One of the things that was great about my trip to India was that I was going for my friend's wedding. That meant 1) that I would actually get to see an Indian wedding, 2) that I could ask my friend all the dumb questions you may have about another country that you can't always find the answers to (what to bring, what to expect, etc.), and 3) that I was going to be there with friends.
My friend gave us all some tips before coming to India...
e.g. leave food on your plate when you're full because otherwise they'll keep serving you (I guess it's a hospitality thing...they want to make sure that you've definitely had enough so they keep giving you more until you stop eating...my grandparents do that too...they ask if you want more; you say no; they put more on your plate; huh?).
One of the tips was to dress conservatively. My friend was really worried that people would stare at us if we wore "too revealing" clothes (such as shorts or short skirts, low-cut shirts). Now, the people there definitely didn't dress the way we did or would have; at Kovalam Beach we saw families go in the water fully dressed (men and women...even though some men would just wear shorts...women went in the water in their beautiful dresses and saris!!!!) but I'm not sure if it would have been that much worse if we'd been wearing our "normal" summer clothes. I mean, we already got stared at. We were all the way in the South - not a very touristy area. Some of them may have rarely (or even never) seen White people. So we got stared at - no matter what we wore. People asked us if they could take pictures with us. Beggars and street vendors followed us around. Random people would start following us, try to help out (e.g. if we said, we wanted to buy clothes, they'd drag us to the next store - probably someone we knew - then they'd recommend restaurants, etc.) and then ask for money. My friend had warned us not to give beggars any money or they'd all start following around. It was tough. You see these little kids, bony and tired-looking old women and men sitting in the dirt on the side of the road or otherwise coming up to you with their big smiles offering help or trying to sell you cheap touristy trash - and you want to help and you know you wouldn't miss the couple rupees but you also know that giving them money isn't going to fix the problem. You don't even know what they'd do with the money - and even if they bought food with it, it'd keep them fed for a couple days but then they'll be back on the street hungry, asking for money. We need to change the systems that keep so many people in poverty; we need to allow those countries to develop and grow like Europe and the US have and if we go there to "help" we have to teach them to help themselves. But when you look into those big black eyes of the cute girl with the injured foot, you feel like a bitch when you say no.
My friend gave us all some tips before coming to India...
e.g. leave food on your plate when you're full because otherwise they'll keep serving you (I guess it's a hospitality thing...they want to make sure that you've definitely had enough so they keep giving you more until you stop eating...my grandparents do that too...they ask if you want more; you say no; they put more on your plate; huh?).
One of the tips was to dress conservatively. My friend was really worried that people would stare at us if we wore "too revealing" clothes (such as shorts or short skirts, low-cut shirts). Now, the people there definitely didn't dress the way we did or would have; at Kovalam Beach we saw families go in the water fully dressed (men and women...even though some men would just wear shorts...women went in the water in their beautiful dresses and saris!!!!) but I'm not sure if it would have been that much worse if we'd been wearing our "normal" summer clothes. I mean, we already got stared at. We were all the way in the South - not a very touristy area. Some of them may have rarely (or even never) seen White people. So we got stared at - no matter what we wore. People asked us if they could take pictures with us. Beggars and street vendors followed us around. Random people would start following us, try to help out (e.g. if we said, we wanted to buy clothes, they'd drag us to the next store - probably someone we knew - then they'd recommend restaurants, etc.) and then ask for money. My friend had warned us not to give beggars any money or they'd all start following around. It was tough. You see these little kids, bony and tired-looking old women and men sitting in the dirt on the side of the road or otherwise coming up to you with their big smiles offering help or trying to sell you cheap touristy trash - and you want to help and you know you wouldn't miss the couple rupees but you also know that giving them money isn't going to fix the problem. You don't even know what they'd do with the money - and even if they bought food with it, it'd keep them fed for a couple days but then they'll be back on the street hungry, asking for money. We need to change the systems that keep so many people in poverty; we need to allow those countries to develop and grow like Europe and the US have and if we go there to "help" we have to teach them to help themselves. But when you look into those big black eyes of the cute girl with the injured foot, you feel like a bitch when you say no.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Updates
Hello everyone,
I know, I know - it's been a while. You think when you're "on vacation," you'll have all this time to do things - like practice playing the guitar and write your blog and catch up on e-mail. But then things happen and the days just kinda fly by and before you know, you're a few days away before the end of your vacation and you haven't done half the things you wanted to do.
The weather has been miserable in Austria. When I first got here - in May - it rained every single day. I think the only day we got a few rays of sunshine was my friend's wedding day. Then I left for India, where I had 10 days of quite a lot of sunshine (even though it rained almost every day since it was the beginning of the rainy season - but it only rained for short periods of time and it was still really really warm out). Then I got back home and almost immediately left for my grandparents'. That was the only week of sunshine I've experienced in Austria this summer. And yes, it was nice to have some sun but it wouldn't have killed me if it'd been raining. I mean, there's only so much I can do at my grandparents' anyway...rain wouldn't really have bothered me there. But rain really bothers me when I'm at my parents' house. And of course, as soon as I returned to my parents' house, it started raining again and has continued to rain for the past week. So much for hiking and swimming in the lake....
I now have one more week of vacation in Austria left. Then I'm heading back to the US to tie up a few loose ends at my last institution, spend some time with friends and after two weeks pack up my stuff and move.
I've received and signed the official offer letter. We're working on the immigration paperwork (that's the part that always gives me the most headaches...it just always feels like there is so much outside of my control and that they make it as complicated and difficult as possible). At first, I felt relieved but lately the worries about the immigration paperwork have come up again and I'm using my usual tactic of avoidance and denial. You shouldn't worry about things you can't influence, right?
>
>
>
This summer has really flown by. There's just been too much going on. First my friend's wedding in Austria, then India, then visiting my grandparents, ....
I know I still owe you all a few India stories. I haven't forgotten. Just hang in tight for a few more days....
I know, I know - it's been a while. You think when you're "on vacation," you'll have all this time to do things - like practice playing the guitar and write your blog and catch up on e-mail. But then things happen and the days just kinda fly by and before you know, you're a few days away before the end of your vacation and you haven't done half the things you wanted to do.
The weather has been miserable in Austria. When I first got here - in May - it rained every single day. I think the only day we got a few rays of sunshine was my friend's wedding day. Then I left for India, where I had 10 days of quite a lot of sunshine (even though it rained almost every day since it was the beginning of the rainy season - but it only rained for short periods of time and it was still really really warm out). Then I got back home and almost immediately left for my grandparents'. That was the only week of sunshine I've experienced in Austria this summer. And yes, it was nice to have some sun but it wouldn't have killed me if it'd been raining. I mean, there's only so much I can do at my grandparents' anyway...rain wouldn't really have bothered me there. But rain really bothers me when I'm at my parents' house. And of course, as soon as I returned to my parents' house, it started raining again and has continued to rain for the past week. So much for hiking and swimming in the lake....
I now have one more week of vacation in Austria left. Then I'm heading back to the US to tie up a few loose ends at my last institution, spend some time with friends and after two weeks pack up my stuff and move.
I've received and signed the official offer letter. We're working on the immigration paperwork (that's the part that always gives me the most headaches...it just always feels like there is so much outside of my control and that they make it as complicated and difficult as possible). At first, I felt relieved but lately the worries about the immigration paperwork have come up again and I'm using my usual tactic of avoidance and denial. You shouldn't worry about things you can't influence, right?
>
>
>
This summer has really flown by. There's just been too much going on. First my friend's wedding in Austria, then India, then visiting my grandparents, ....
I know I still owe you all a few India stories. I haven't forgotten. Just hang in tight for a few more days....
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